No Words for September 30th 2014.

by Mike D.W on September 30, 2014

in Entertainment

Proof that nightmares exist when you’re awake.

White Dee-Benefits street-politician-parliament-MP-Ladybrook-seat-party-running-vote-Westminster-prime Minister-Deirdre KellyOne day soon White Dee will hike up her joggers, say goodbye to her cats, sing a few bars from “We won’t get fooled again” and then head for Westminster to join Team Benefits Street!

The Daily Star says that White Dee, real name Deirdre Kelly is “actively considering” becoming a politician.

The Star’s source says that the 43-year-old from Birmingham, has met with political advisers and talked about running for the Birmingham Ladywood seat at next year’s election. White Dee is so serious about this that she’s even thinking of starting her own political party in order to achieve her dream. The Daily Mail have kept their mouths shut about this, which means it’s probably true. White Dee has until next February to throw her hat into the ring.

“I’ve thought about standing as an MP, it’s a subject I’m really interested in.

When you’ve got MPs saying they consider you as ‘too common’ to stand, I think they would be shocked, because the more common you are, the more in touch you are with real people in the country.

I can’t say I would stand for a current party – I would create my own one.”

Unbelievably the bookies also think that Dee has a decent chance of wining herself a seat in the parliament of all parliaments. Ladbrokes have her at 33/1 to win the Birmingham Ladywood seat at next year’s election and BetFair have her at 250/1 to enter Downing Street as Prime Minister at some point in the future.

Although Dee didn’t win Celebrity Big Brother I really hope she can break her losing streak and win that seat in the House, because she’ll probably blurt out all her benefits claims right there in front of the Speaker. David Cameron and George Osbourne won’t be able to resist her and the conscience they didn’t know they had will start to shake in a thousand different ways. They’ll resign and become instant Job Seekers.

Besides, Dee has everything it takes to be a politician. She has no political experience so it would only a matter of time before we saw pictures of her showing off her baked nipples to some dodgy journalist on Skype. Yes, she’ll make the perfect politician. Swear her in!

This weekend and continuing until Tuesday, my dead-n-dull brain is being unplugged from NMi while I head off to Cambridgeshire.

It was my birthday earlier this week and Cambridgeshire is a surprise present from my other half, HiDs. She won’t tell me anything else about it but I think I know when I’m being shuffled off to rehab to have my picture taken next to an Adopt a Crackhead sign.

Anyway I’ll be back next week taking names, kicking ass and spreading the foolery. So for now let me leave you with today’s NO WORDS post courtesy of three future contenders for Prime Ministers Question Time.

Dave Lee Travis-sentenced-indecent assault-guilty-prison-suspended-three monthsToday, everyone in Fleet Street will take a long and well deserved break from the Dave Lee Travis trial. The BBC have got the weekend off to a good start by reporting how the former radio One DJ has been given a three-month suspended jail sentence for indecently assaulting a young BBC researcher over 20 years ago.

Before sentencing a statement from the victim of DLT’s indecent assault was read to the court. The victim, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said:

“I was a naive and trusting 22-year-old. I was too paralysed with fear to confront my assailant. 

Being called a liar and fantasist and then being forced to recall the evidence before a court has been painful.

I was particularly hurt by the defendant’s claim that financial greed motivated me to come forward.

I have preserved my anonymity and will not claim compensation now or in the future. I simply wanted to tell the truth”

Travis, who was tried under his real name of David Patrick Griffin, was convicted last Tuesday of groping a 22-year-old researcher’s breasts as he prepared to appear on a BBC comedy show, The Mrs Merton Show in 1995.

The shamed former Radio One DJ is now facing financial ruin following his conviction for sexually assaulting the poor woman. In order to pay his legal bills, which are in excess of £250,000 Travis has been forced to sell his £1.2m country home at a loss of £1.15m. He could now be sued for thousands more by women who also claim that he assaulted them.

If he chooses to appeal his sentence, DLT could face further legal costs.

Maybe now the Hairy Cornflake will have time to reflect on his barbaric behaviour. In doing so maybe he’ll realise that causing a hindrance to women’s breasts is not the way forward. Perhaps when Max Clifford and Rolf Harris get out of jail he’ll be able to recruit them and together they’ll open a rehab centre where they can rehabilitate ‘gropertunist boob touchers’ back into society.

Yeah right – and maybe a flock of flying dildos will fly out of my backside and transform the pillow I call Posh Spice into a crying, talking, sleeping, walking, living doll. Hey, it might happen!

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