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A Few Words On The James Cordon Video.

The Sun newspaper have managed to describe the above video from James Cordon in just fifteen words. FIFTEEN!

Well the game is on…

So. Brace yourselves.


There, sixteen words. I win!

Yes, that’s right, the art of creative writing is dead.

Rita Ora’s Nipples Banned.

Rita Ora,Nipples,ban,BBC,The Voice,News media images,

The pearl-clutching prudes at both the BBC and ITV really don’t like nipples do they.

I’ve gathered from the internet today that RITA Ora has received a dressing-down from the BBC for repeatedly showing off her boobs on The Voice. AND ITV have forced AMANDA Holden to hide her nipples behind special covers whenever she appears on the daytime show This Morning.

Last week after stepping before the paps cameras wearing a T-shirt bearing a photo of naked breasts Rita was hauled before professional mopey people at the BBC and told to cover herself up.

It came just days after Rita appeared on The Voice wearing a see-through black top.

AMANDA Holden has also gone a sneaky shoulder shrug too far. Her bosses at ITV have forced Amanda’s nipples to hide behind special covers whenever she appears with Phillip Schofield on This Morning. Amanda will be back judging a new series of BGT next month and ITV don’t want the nation renaming their talent show Britain’s Got Tits.

I’m all for hosting a guest appearance by a pair of nipples on NMi, but no. The last time I showed nipples on here my electricity was cut off. NPower said their transformer blew up and yes, it was all my fault – for showing nipples. They explained it was only a matter of time before my WI-Fi connection would splutter and die too.

So I stopped showing nipples on NMi because if my WiFi connection were to die, then so would MY SOUL!!!!

Tony Hall Death Threats Over Clarkson.

Tony Hall, BBC, DG,Death Threats,Clarkson,News Media Images,

Just like the Twitter pages of those who dared to talk trash about Zayn Malik last week the e-mail inbox of BBC director-general, Tony Hall has been filling up with death threats.

Seriously, this is true. The Daily Mail have reported that in a terrifying e-mail sent to Tony Hall last Wednesday an insane crazy, who is still screaming his anus off over the sacking of Jeremy Clarkson, has made chilling threats to kill.

This person is acting like Clarkson had saved his ass from a burning building, given him a litter of James May clones and sent him the DVD from the porn season of Footballers Wives. Because DAMN! Poor old Tony Hall has now had to hire a contingent of SAS guards to keep him safe in his Oxfordshire home.

The Mail says that Tony Hall had to place the security men around his home because he’s also received death threats from other viewers (or ex-viewers) who are still mad as hell that their darling Clarkson has been pushed to the sidelines.

They are also furious at rumours suggesting that the entire Top Gear family aren’t going to go on with the show if Clarkson is out. However, the BBC say that they haven’t met with either James May or Richard Hammond since Clarkson was given a forced-quit from the show. [click to continue…]

Newsjacker Reacts To Celebrity News.

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For a newsjacker like me a slow-ass news day + a slow-ass news week = another boring day where all the celebrity columns are full of non stories.

I mean stories about Katie Price moving to Australia – Kim Kardashian going ‘back to black’ – the funniest man on TV is desperately striving to become even funnier (Stephen Fry to replace Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear) are actually masquerading as ‘Breaking Celebrity News’ today.

Between supermodels banging on my door and pirates trying to steal my treasure, this kind of nonsensical twaddle has kept me pretty busy this week.

By busy I mean sifting through an endless array of mushy mashy headlines in pursuit of something ANYTHING interesting to voice my unsavoury opinion about.

That’s right, it sure as hell has been a dog eat dog world out there this week.

I don’t know about you but headlines like, “Holy Moly, Ellie Goulding Holds Hands With Dougie Poynter” (Mail) “Jennifer Lawrence Goes Spinning” (People Magazine) and “Will Young re-enters Hall of Fame – Releases New Album” (Sun) just don’t cut the mustard for me. [click to continue…]

Directioners: #CutForZayn Trends.

#cutforzane,One Direction,Zane Malik,Directioners, boy band,News Media Images,

Poor sad Directioners – the world has stopped spinning.

When Zayn Malik said he was leaving One Direction toddler life across the world was turned inside out and upside down. The news really hit them hard. A conspiracy of sadness swept the globe.

Harry Styles may or may not have wept as the ‘One Direction Quartet’ sang their  “Best Song Ever” in Jakarta the other night but that was nothing compared to the tornado of tears that has flooded Twitter and social media sites ever since.

Woe are the Directioners. School playgrounds and kindergartens remained empty yesterday, because what child wants to play or laugh when their religion is falling apart?

Now thousands of Directioners, who weren’t fed a crushed Valium with their Sugar Puffs, have let Liam know that they still love him, adore him, worship him. But they just can’t go on without him. No, they just can’t.

#CutForZayn is a hashtag which is currently trending on Twitter. More than 4,600 tweets a minute are hitting the worldwide timeline as Directioners post pictures of their slashed arms and [more disturbingly] encourage others to follow suit. [click to continue…]

Jeremy Clarkson Has Been Sacked.

Jeremy Clarkson,sacked,Top gear,BBC,Punched,Producer,

Jeremy Clarkson has been sacked. SACKED! After days of speculation the BBC Director General, Tony Hall has gone ahead and sacked the nation’s most controversial figure, Jeremy Clarkson.

Yes, it’s sad but it’s true. Despite over a million people signing a petition to have Clarkson reinstated [to Top Gear] after he was suspended for punching that bitchy little producer, Oisin Tymon in the mouth the hallowed BBC sent out a press release this afternoon confirming everyone’s worst fears. See below.

[click to continue…]