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Stuart Baggs: Rest In Peace.

Stuart Baggs,died,rip,newsmediaimages.comRest In Peace Stuart Baggs: A long time ago I was dating a complete cow who was more successful than me in every way. She drove a better car, had more friends, made more money, had softer towels and was never the recipient of an EWWW face when she took off her clothes.

No, basically this woman could anything she wanted simply by winking an eye and flexing her perfectly shaped bosums.

I truly believed that she was only dating my ass because she’d bet her friends that she could transform me into a winning marketeer. Turn me and my beloved NMi into a brand synonymous with all things unique and unusual.

I should’ve guessed something was wrong when she made me try on a shop full of business suits while she hummed Dance of the Knights by Sergei Prokofiev

Anyway… it is with huge sadness and a heavy heart that I have to post about the untimely death of another brand. Stuart Baggs, the former Apprentice star was found dead at his home on the Isle of Man yesterday. He was just 27.

Stuart had been at a party on Wednesday night, and was reportedly found dead by a friend yesterday morning. The police were called but as yet they have not announced the cause of Stuarts death.

His sister Charlotte posted this touching tribute to Facebook:

“Today my dearest brother Stuart Baggs gained his wings. To say we are all shocked and devastated is an understatement.

Love him or hate him, he touched many people’s lives from his TV antics to his amazing work with Bluewave Communications.

He was the biggest character and will leave the biggest hole behind. Not knowing what or why makes it all the harder.

Can’t explain how proud I am of him. He was the king of following his dreams and making them happen.”

(Via: Daily Mirror)

He was known as ‘Stuart Baggs the brand’ and at 21 years old he was the youngest candidate ever to appear on The Apprentice. Lord Sugar described him as one of the show’s ‘stand-out’ characters.

No words could better describe Stuart’s prolific sales and marketing ability than the one-liner that he’d made his own – “Everything I touch turns to sold”

Rest In Peace Stuart Baggs.

Barack Obama Told To STFU.

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As you will have heard Barack Obama has been attending a global economic summit in Kenya. While he was there the Kenyan people fell in love with him.

The Kenyans just loved his speeches about Islamic nastiness, terrorism, corruption and starvation. They also admired his stance on family, freedom, fornication, equality and human rights for all.

Good old Bob Ama, kicking ass about an AIDS run rampant and all the barbaric things people have done in the name of religion. Crusades, Inquisition and radical Islam etc.

Yes, you can understand why everyone in Kenya fell in love with Barack Obama. Except for the country’s Christian clergymen that is. No, they’re not impressed with Barack Obama. Not at all.

Ministers representing more than ten million practicing Christians have joined together and penned an open letter to Barack Obama. telling him to STFU.

In their letter they tell the American President that Kenya has no need of gay people. They absolutely don’t want Kenya to end up like the United States of America where people bugger each other up the ass just for fun.

Here’s a snippet:

“We do not want him to come and talk on homosexuality in Kenya or push us to accepting that which is against our faith and culture. 

Let him talk about development; let him talk about cooperation, let him talk about the long-time relationship Kenya has had with America. But about our beliefs and culture– keep off!”

(Via: CBS News)

It’s still pretty illegal to be openly gay in Kenya as it is in 37 African countries where colourful robes and aids run rampant through the streets. In fact, Kenya’s penal code says that anyone “who has carnal knowledge of any person against the order of nature” will spend 14 years in jail.

Given all the terrible problems that plague the world’s shittiest continent, it seems a tad out of order to focus a letter writing campaign on anti-gay bigotry.

Lets face it, you shouldn’t go after a man when he has a microphone in his hand and a global audience hanging on his every word.

But anyway, if we’re talking priorities here then perhaps Barack Obama should ignore these pastoral idiots and start trolling ISIS accounts on Twitter.

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Cara Delevingne – Americas Least Wanted.

Cara Delevingne,newsmediaimages.com

Cara Delevingne is trying to establish herself as a big-ass actress. She’s currently on a promotional tour of America telling anyone who’ll listen that the film Paper Towns is her Oscar in waiting.

However when Cara appeared on Good Day Sacramento news anchors Marianne McClary, Ken Rudulph and Mark S Allen skipped past the “You’re so talented” part of the interview and cut straight to the “Why don’t you piss-off ” part instead.

Well that’s right everyone. These news anchors were having none of Cara’s, “I don’t know where my talent comes from but I’m living the dream” gush so they called her out and cut the interview short.

You can hear how it ended in the clip below.

If establishing herself as a household name in bitch-punching with a viral video to boot was Cara’s objective then she’s now a huge success. Everyone can enjoy a video like this one. It’s like a silent movie where Cara ties her career to a safe and then throws it off a roof.

I mean really. Right now Cara couldn’t be more disliked by America had she tipped an invalid out of a wheelchair.

Oh I don’t know it’s no big deal, if anything this video makes Cara Delevingne seem more human, which is something she lacks these days.

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Cecil The Lion – Rest In Peace.

Cecil the Lion,murdered, Newsmediaimages.com

Walter Palmer got a little bored with dentist-ing in Minnesota so he swapped a day pulling teeth for a day killing, skinning and then beheading Cecil the Lion, Africa’s largest cat.

If you can understand why someone wants to be a dentist in the first place then you’ll understand why all kinds of cruel are possible. Ask Walter, he knows all about cruelty, barbarity, brutality and savagery.

Yes, good old Walter Palmer. He paid £35,000 to a local game hunter to help him lure Cecil the Lion away from the sanctuary of the Hwange National park in Zimbabwe. Together they dragged a dead animal behind their Jeep and Cecil the Lion followed them. That’s the equivalent of a two pedophiles driving an ice cream van.

Once they were away from the park, Walter Palmer took a bow and arrow and then shot Cecil the Lion with it.

You definitely don’t want this guy as your dentist because when Walter fired his bow and arrow he failed to hit any of Cecil the Lion’s vital organs. So Cecil the Lion died a slow and painful death. Like one of those deaths you see in a PETA video.

Well now everyone is pissed off to hell. The Zimbabwe government, social media, Demi Moore, Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand and of course every newspaper on Earth.

Everyone wants Walter Palmer’s nasty ass hunted down and thoroughly spanked. Twitter is running a boycott of Palmer’s dental practice. And Joanna Lumley has poured a breakfast vodka in memory of poor Cecil the former lion. And I’m in tears.

So here we are…. one click away from Africa’s larget lion. Rest in Peace, Cecil the Lion.

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Katie Hopkins and Euthanasia Vans.

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The Katie Hopkins cultural pollution tour continues. This week it visited the Radio Times. In a sparklingly stupid interview Mrs Hopkins said that she is “super-keen on euthanasia vans” as there are “far too many old people” still living in Britain today.

In the interview with Michael Buerk, our attention seeking hate troll was asked what she would do “If Katie Hopkins ruled the world”.

Her response?

“Right… We just have far too many old people. It’s ridiculous to be living in a country where we can put dogs to sleep but not people.

The solution is easy. Euthanasia vans – just like ice-cream vans – that would come to your home… It would all be perfectly charming. They might even have a nice little tune they’d play. I mean this genuinely.

I’m super-keen on euthanasia vans. We need to accept that just because medical advances mean we can live longer, it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.”

(Via: Radio Times)

I don’t know what to say. Really I don’t. Katie Hopkins is running out of things to lose at. Just the sight of her contrived demonic face (see above) instinctively makes you want to locate the neighbourhood children and confirm their safety.

Hopkins is known for being a ton of shit who receives extensive media coverage because the nation overwhelmingly hates her. She is the perfect pin-up girl for the psychotically insane.

It should be interesting to see who Mrs Hopkins hate slaps in her weekly column in the Sun this week. It’s due out on Friday.

Or is it?

Maybe after this Mrs Hopkins’ time as a Sun columnist will be brought to an end. After all no newspaper can stand idly by while an evangelical style redneck alienates it’s entire readership.

Who knows, we’ll have to wait and see but don’t worry Mrs Hopkins, you’ll be ok, Kim Jong Un probably needs a few new pastors over in North Korea.

Source: Guardian

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Lord Sewel Had Lofty Sex With BBC Star.

Lord Sewel,coke,bbc,presenter,adultery,newsmediaimages.com

The Sun newspaper has discovered the cause of earthquakes at the House of Lords: Lord Sewel, slutty women, adultery and fornication. And you thought it was shifting tectonic plates? Oh, silly you.

In their latest tale of rough tumble and sleeze the Walmart of the newspaper industry has continued to report on that hobbit looking coke fiend, Baron Buttifant Sewel.

Today they’ve revealed how the 69 year-old peer of the realm claimed that he humped a married BBC star on a dirty old mattress in his attic.

The paper writes:

Lord Sewel spotted a married BBC star on TV as he romped with two hookers and bragged: “I had her in the attic.”

The disgraced peer made the claim during a cocaine-and-sex party at his rent-protected flat

Sewel, 69, calmly blurted out, “I f***** her”, before making his attic boast to the call girls. 

He first spilled the beans two years ago — but the topic came up again last Wednesday as he enjoyed drug-fuelled sex games at his home in Pimlico, central London. 

Married Sewel was so eager to talk of his adultery, he even spelled out the name of his famous lover. 

He described the alleged tryst as a “one-off shag” — because “she was happily married”. 

He also proudly revealed the programme she works on.

The Sun last night approached the woman named by Lord Sewel as his lover. She said: “This is categorically untrue.”

Because the lady has denied all knowledge of the event she therefore remains unnamed.

I mean wot! A BBC presenter refusing to talk about an auspicious event in history other than to deny that it ever took place? This is exactly why politics, newspapers and the BBC need to be kept apart.

Seriously, there can be nothing worse than a BBC presentress who needs to be reminded of the underlying principles of her chosen trade. And yes, I do understand why a ‘former journalist’ would prefer to interview a peer of the realm over a free coq au vin rather than have to suck his nuts in an attic. But still.

Because the lady in question has plenty of chums in the legal profession who will feign interest in any publisher who fails the reasonable persons test and inadvertently names their client, I won’t even suggest to you who she is. No sir. Not a word.

In the meantime Lord Sewel continues to own this scandal like a poster boy for sexually incompetent pensioners. Tally Ho Woof!