Earlier this week the world’s most famous freckle, Lindsay Lohan gave an interview to the world’s most famous lispian, Jonathan Ross.
You think you know where I’m going with this? You’re thinking, “Yes Mike, we know, Lindsay told Jonathan that she’s totally sober nowadays, how she hasn’t missed a single performance of Speed-The-Plow and how the producers fired her understudy because they think she’s doing such an amazing job, right?”
Well guess what? You’re WRONG!
Lindsay didn’t mention anything about being sober or showing up on time to Speed-Plough performances. No, Lindsay was saving all her lies for a short-ass conversation about her time in jail for drink driving.
When Jonathan asked her how long she’d spent behind bars Lindsay behaved like she was sooo above that line of slutty questioning;
“I have no idea. I’ve blocked that part out. That’s in the past. OK. You are not putting this on the show.”
The only thing that Lindsay’s freckled ass likes more than an attention-seeking drama is swindling a chat show out of it’s hard earned interview. So, after leaving the studios Lindsay told her lawyers to spend the day haranguing executives from the show demanding that they cut key sections from the interview.
I have no doubt that Lindsay’s freckled ass will get it’s own way and we won’t be hearing shit tomorrow night about the crafty ashtray girl’s time in prison.
Well, all the angels are watching a live performance of My Coo Ca Choo this afternoon because the BBC says that Alvin Stardust (born name: Bernard Jewry) has followed Lynda Bellingham up to heaven. The world is always a duller place when a piece of rock history dies.
His long time manager said that Alvin died at his home last night while surrounded by his family. Alvin had been suffering from prostate cancer. He was 72 years-old.
Wikipedia says that Alvin made his musical debut back in the Sixties in an unknown teenage band called Shane Fenton and the Fentones. Apparently they sent a demo tape to the BBC hoping they’d be picked to appear in a music show. As they awaited for a reply from the broadcaster, Shane Fenton, the band’s lead singer, died of rheumatic fever. So the band broke up. Then a few months later they received a letter from the BBC asking them to audition for a music show. Alvin Stardust (then Bernard Jewry) was a roadie for the group but they asked him to become “the new Shane Fenton”
The band made a few hits but didn’t last long and soon broke up. Bernard then left the music industry but he returned in the early 70’s as Alvin Stardust a glam rocker who looked like Elvis Presley in drag. The name Alvin Stardust was given to him by Michael Levy (later Lord Levy) who owned Magnet Records.
Alvin’s first single, “My Coo Ca Choo” was an instant hit and went straight to number one in the charts. As Alvin Stardust he went on to make records like You You You, Jealous Mind and I Feel Like Buddy Holly.
Alvin got married three times, the actress Liza Goddard was his second wife.
Rest in Peace, Alvin Stardust. Nobody knew how to deliver the glam while making eye contact like you did.
Here’s Alvin in 1973 delivering massive amounts of stardust while performing My Coo Ca Choo. This was back when music was glamorous, rock was entertaining and auto-tune was a twinkle in Simon Cowell’s eye.
The moon-bow that passed across England last night was made by Harvey Price as he rolled his eyes at the madness and foolery that has become his mother.
In London yesterday Katie Price, the Jane Austen of our time launched her 42nd ‘novel’ which she no doubt wrote all by herself with a feather quill while sitting under a willow tree in her garden. Katie launched the book she didn’t write in the same way she launches everything: with a shameless stunt.
Yes, Katie totally believe’s she’s a professional author so while looking like an insane stripper with straightened hair ripped out of the Honey Monster, she preened before the paparazzi and tried to shove her Make My Wish Come True novel down the nation’s wide open throat.
Well no, whilst her latest novel promises “plenty of sex and scandal”it probably reads like a rusty rag in a sex tape. Never mind that a pile of dog poo is more interesting than any character found in a Katie Price novel (I’ve read most of them, I know), the silly bitch is selling her book entirely the wrong way.
In order to make her wish come true Katie doesn’t need shove her bloated pumpkins down a hooker’s party dress and then drown a book launch in slutty glamour. No, to make her book the #1 best seller in the whole wooooorld all Katie needs to do is ask Harvey Price to say, “Buy Mum’s book.”
Amazon would then crash, every Mills & Boon novel would be looted and shushsters everywhere would start stabbing each other trying to buy a copy! That’s right, it would be the 50 Shades of What?
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