Here’s some siren breaking news. George Michael has been injured in an accident on the M1 motorway.
This news is developing but according to the Sun web-site a few moments ago George suffered cuts and bruises in the incident which happened near the junction for the M25 near Watford yesterday afternoon. An air ambulance was called to the scene but it’s unclear if George was actually airlifted because his spokesman is saying he’s fine:
“George Michael was a passenger in a vehicle involved in a traffic accident yesterday evening; no third party was involved. He is being treated for superficial cuts and bruises but is fine. We have no further comment at this time.”
(Via: The Sun)
AND, there are no pictures of George lying face down on the hard shoulder (if that’s what you need before happy hour) either and there’s no word if the driver of the car is okay. As I say, this is developing (but I know you’re already throwing a ”bring out the breathalyzer” look)…
I’ve just heard that George has been released from the hospital in good condition after being treated for his injuries, so it’s safe for you to make those jokes about how he must have been having text fellatio with…… oh stop.
This messy Celebrity Juice show is awkward comedy at its finest. Keith Lemon’s idea of funny is about as amusing as my little spaniel dog’s swollen anal gland (I’m taking him to the groomer tomorrow, don’t worry)
Kelly Brook is leaving this childish disaster of a show next week before her growing reputation as diva-plated asshole makes her unemployable with clothes on. They should throw a plastic cover over Lemon too because his idea of entertainment seems to be snotty delusional mess meets attention-loving twat disorder.
Anyway, what better way to celebrate the end of Kelly Brook’s tenure of tedium than by publishing a video grab of two pretend lezzie-monsters feigning horror during one of Lemon’s childish little games. The idea was that the two team captain’s Kelly and Holly Willoughby, were supposed to do some stupid-ass kiss with a cardboard cut out stuck between their mouths.
Describing the what happened next one tabloid put it like this:
“The 33-year-old brunette happily delighted the majority of the male population with the ploy as she smooched pretty Holly on the lips.”
Really? Oh this is just too childish for words. And it sure as hell isn’t funny. It reminds me of Noel Edmonds House Party from back in the 80′s. Seriously, it’s that bad.
Now don’t you go spending your day worrying about Kelly getting another job either, I promise you any dimbo-bimbo that can walk away from ITV knowing that she’s made millions laugh at her boring-ass stupidity will always have the luxury of baring her NSFW parts to a lads mag photographer.
If you walked past the Palais des Festivals et des Congrès in Cannes last night and wondered why hundreds of Harry Potter fans were licking the ground it was because Emma Watson had melted their nipples off after drops of her DNA were spotted all over the red carpet.
Emma also appeared on the cover of W Magazine June issue, which is good news for those who wanted to know just how hot Hermione Granger could look if they dressed her up all slutty and sophisticated. Well here’s how.
(Withdraw the ‘slutty’ from paragraph 2.) You can read Emma’s interview with W Magazine >> here
Cycling has Bradley Wiggins, swimming has Rebecca Adlington, bottoming has Rylan Clark and now pole dancing has Tiffany McRory.
When Tiffany auditioned her acrobatic pole skills down a long piece of chrome she thought she’d won a place on Saturday night’s Britain’s Got Talent. But the official censor has stepped in and banned her sexy performance until AFTER the 9PM watershed. This means that Tiffany will now only be seen on Britain’s Got MORE Talent, which begins at 8.45pm on ITV2.
Tiffany thinks the censor has it all wrong, the pole was supposed to be shoved up his official ass. Nasty business!
I got talking to the lunch-time stripper at our local pub once and she said pole dancing made her feel empowered and a strong woman of the world. I was really drunk that day which made me ask the pole how he felt about having lady bits smeared over him every day. The pole said it made him feel weepy and suicidal. So I made my excuses and left.
Anyway, you can click here if you’d like to see Tiffany polishing a pole like it was Rylan Clark’s sphincter.
When The Western Gazette published the date and place of Melanie Syke’s upcoming wedding she made it clear that nothing is more important to her than the sanctity of marriage and her privacy. Which is why she’s decided to press pause on her marriage to her second husband, Jack Cockings.
Well, there’s some news on Britain’s wedding of the year, and it comes from Polly Hudson over at the Mirror’s 3AM column. Polly has published a series of E-mails between Melanie and a wedding planner.
I don’t know if these E-mails are genuine or if Polly just made them all up with the help of a few glasses of sparkling humour wine, because Google are saying they’ve never heard of AListTopCelebWeddings. Who knows and who cares, Polly’s laugh out loud funny today.
Here’s the E-mails:
To: Wedding Planner@AListTopCelebWeddings
From: Melanie Sykes
Hello,
I’ve heard you did Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ wedding, so you might be able to handle mine. Are you free on that date? Mel x
Reply.
To: Melanie Sykes
From: Wedding Planner
Dear Melanie,
We’re thrilled you’re interested in our service. If you give us a date, we will check our diary. Thanks.
Reply.
To: Wedding Planner
From: Melanie Sykes
Very clever. You expect me to tell you the date of my wedding? Nice try! Sorry, I’m not that gullible. Now let me know if you’re available and we can get on with the planning. Mel
Reply.
To: Melanie Sykes
From: Wedding Planner
I’m not trying to trick you, it’s just quite hard to check if we’re available on a certain date if you don’t tell us what that date is.
Let us know, then we can start talking about the food, flowers, venue suggestions etc. Do you have a rough idea of numbers?
Reply.
To: Wedding Planner
From: Melanie Sykes
Oh, why don’t I just tell you everything then? You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
You must think I was born yesterday! All the information regarding this wedding is highly classified and only available on a need to know basis.
Consider yourself hired. See you there. It had better be perfect!
AND Polly says the wedding of the year is imminent. IMMINENT!
But you know, if I ever lose my mind and decide to get married, this is exactly the way I want my wedding to look. Seriously, I will take this video to the wedding planner and tell them to recreate these classy affairs down to the windmill and doggy taking a pee over the bridal gown. (And the pants down moment.)
The Hi-de-Hi gang have given Paul Shane a ride all the way up to heaven, because he died today at the age of 72. The BBC says he was surrounded by his family when he died at a hospice in Rotherham, South Yorkshire, earlier today after a short illness. Paul was born a George (Speight) and long before we had [...]
I know it’s wonderful and everything but what’s the point? One Direction’s Stadium Tour announcement has had over 454,000 Facebook likes and received a 100k in retweets, so I’m guessing your asses already know about it. I CAN’T with anything One Direction does, but what I’m looking forward to is them yodelling out their sugar sweet [...]
Well who saw this coming! Football says goodbye to the man whose daughter’s voice is probably deeper than his. David Beckham has announced his retirement from football. Thank-you David Robert Joseph Beckham OBE for being the world’s highest paid footballer (2004). Thank you “Golden-Balls” for scoring ‘that goal’ against Argentina (2002) and thank you for [...]
Christina Aguilera is no longer a card-carrying member of Team Chunk after her record label told her to switch to a calorie-free red lipstick and get back to her Dirrtyera body shape. Yes, a diet is the only game you win when you lose (Karl Lagerfeld). In this picture above, tweeted from the set of her new music video Xtina [...]
It’s been way too long since we’ve heard about tricks and tramps getting messy in the middle of a night-club. Today 3AM’s Clemmie Moody is reporting how One Direction’s Liam Payne let four Tottenham Hotspur footballers in the Funky Buddha night-club know that he didn’t like them roughing a poor bitch up. The messiness all started after Liam noticed that [...]
Judging by the ‘it was this nasty motherfucker’ smile that Steven Spielberg is wearing it was totally Nicole Kidman and it totally smelt like enema water and vinegar. I mean, look at that woman in the back-ground. That’s enough about that. Let’s focus on the positive – like Nicole’s white trash look as it appeared at the opening of the Cannes [...]
I’m pretty sure that once Hello Magazine’s lawyers read this (like they would) I’m gonna get one of those “you better have our money” E-mails they love to send out because nobody likes their party guests called a bunch of aliens. Do they? Hello Magazine’s 25th birthday party was held in London last night and John Cleese and his [...]
Cara Delevingne can’t do a photo shoot without either the photographer, an assistant, a stylist or the girl who keeps the cashew nuts bowl topped up getting themselves naked. We should rename her, Cara De Le Minge. All the papers are running screen grabs from Yves St Laurant’s video of their latest Baby-Doll range (see [...]
Here’s some siren breaking news. George Michael has been injured in an accident on the M1 motorway.
