People who focus on Nicola McLean’s taste in men should consider focusing on her boobs instead. I don’t know about you but I find it’s a great way for discovering the positive things about people.
Take the Sunday Mirror for example. They know exactly what I’m talking about. Today they’re reporting on how Nicola’s black dress went completely see-through under the glare of paparazzi flash guns as she attempted to become the most popular girl at an expensive nightclub in Essex. Expensive? Essex?
Shit like this is so obvious and yet it always works. I bet loads of people told Nicola McLean just how bloody amazing she looked.
Me? I would’ve dropped a couple of pound coins down her cleavage, jumped on board and then waited for her to start bouncing.
And yes, that’s why I never get invited to these kind of parties.
But y’know, Nicola has two commercially viable skills: flashing her boobs and telling dirty jokes. The moment these two trolloping party tricks stop then Fleet Street and social media ignore her.
Well, except for the time when I un-followed her on Twitter for being unable to tweet intelligently even by my standards. (Minor footnote for her Wikipedia page.)
Oh that’s no kind of an accurate assessment is it. Thanks to Instagram, absentee fathers and pop stars like Miley Cyrus, the pendulum seems to be swinging back in favor of women (like Nicola) receiving copious amounts of press attention for their boobie antics.
Glamour models have always been seen as statements of style, regardless of their lack of knowledge of the alphabet. Sometimes, when a women like Nicola Mclean hears the clanging of the intellectual bell, she’ll think it’s in some way dehumanizing her.
To understand the world of women like Nicola McLean, just imagine being an idiot with cash. Actually I’ve never heard anybody say they wished they could be like Nicola, but I’ve heard plenty of women saying that they wished they had her body.
I also heard a man with an thick German accent say that he wanted to have her marinating in his freezer. Germans are like that, super friendly but strange. Still, I’ve reported him to Interpol.
And finally. To those of you that read The Independent On Sunday. This might seem callous but ask yourself this, what does the world most want to see: tits or politicians?