Welcome to another slow-ass news day. I’ve checked all the gossip columns this morning and there’s nothing is going on except for two tales of two Kates. Kate Moss and Katie Hopkins. For some time now both ladies have been on the nations highly coveted Stupid Cow List.
Today they’ve proved why they’re on that list. Lets start with Katie Hopkins.
Friday is the day in the week where Katie Hopkins gets to voice her half-assed opinions in the Sun newspaper.
While people across the world are dying from war, famine and disease, Katie covers the most important events of the week. This week she’s given her views on everything ranging from deluded vegans, seagulls and the loss of habitat for the lesser-spotted newt.
As usual Mrs Hopkins takes up most of her column inches tittering on about a range of mind numbing irrelevancies. However this week Mrs Horrible has also shown her hitherto unseen human side.
Mrs Hopkins has penned a heartfelt letter to Jessica Lawson’s devastated family. You’ll remember how 12-year-old Jessica tragically drowned in France when a lakeside pontoon collapsed at a holiday camp while she was on a school trip.
Here’s a snippet:
“A mother must never lose a child before she dies, lest the natural order of life be disrupted.
I’m not sure there are answers for you in France. But there must be comfort in the closeness.
And I just wanted to let you know, as a mum myself, that I am so sorry you have lost your baby.”
Via: The Sun
I hate myself for saying this but for the first time in like forever I have to agree with Mrs Hopkins. Well said Ma-am.
Now lets get set to rout Kate Moss.
There used to be a time when mothers could show off their nipples and the community would agree that they’d done their part. Not so Kate Moss. Over the years her “basic bitch” behaviour has been featured in all of the tabloid newspapers.
So many times has her unruly behaviour been featured that some believe Kate Moss should now be wrapped in a tyre and set on fire according to Sharia law.
For most women the end of a marriage comes about five minutes after they realise that they’re broke and their unemployed husband is a day away from blowing the housekeeping money on his next poker weekend. That’s how it goes for most couples at least.
Again, not so Kate Moss. The tabloids are all reporting that her husband Jamie Hince is waiting for her to file for divorce. Divorce!
An unnamed pal is quoted as saying:
“Jamie’s been clear that they’ve not been close for a long time. Kate’s always been beyond jealous about his female friends and he was sick of it.”
Not been close? Viagra has to be to blame here. While Kate Moss can still have sex while totally wasted, it’s nearly impossible for him.
“Jamie what are you doing in the living room with your ankles behind your head?”
Maybe there was a fist fight during a drunken night of Twister. Maybe the fridge started calling Jamie nasty names. I dunno, maybe it’s not too late to save their turbulent marriage of 4 years. Maybe if Jamie romanced Kate with a Smirnoff colonic then she’d not file the papers.
Of course there are a myriad of ways to deal with a fledgling divorce. If only they could only announce a pregnancy…. even from sperm donor.