No Words For 1st October 2014.

by Mike D.W on October 1, 2014

in Entertainment


 
Every woman should experience the magic, wonder and satisfaction of a tsunami in the pants.

 


Katie Price Takes Singing Lessons.

by Mike D.W on October 1, 2014

in Entertainment

Katie Price-singing-lessons-voice coach-video-autotune,After her husband did her wrong by sharing his peenadoo with her trampy best friend, Katie Price would probably prefer to spend her time trolling male strip clubs for another husband. However she’s gotta put food on the table and keep that Botox closet stocked, so she’s going back to “work” today.

In a WORLD EXCLUSIVE reported by Dan Wooton over at The Sun Katie is about to return to the music business. According to Dan Katie intends to release a single real soon and has hired a voice coach to install auto-tune over her vocal cords to stop her sounding like a tone-deaf cat on helium.

Lets hear from Dan’s source:

“Katie feels she has unfinished business with singing. It’s always been a big passion of hers and it’ll be a dream to see any of her music become a top-ten hit. 

 She’s doing it for fun at first but if she gets good feedback, there’s scope for releasing another record. 

Katie hopes sessions with her new voice coach will not only improve her singing but give her extra confidence should she perform on stage.”

(via The Sun)

I pulled this hilarious mess (below) from YouTube. It was made back in 2009 and it shows Katie singing “A Whole New World” with Peter Andre.  I don’t know if they both had messy, sloppy, drunken karaoke sex in the bathroom before coming onstage, but I do know that whenever Katie sings she sounds like a whale dying a slow, painful death while dropping to the bottom of the ocean.

 


No Words for September 30th 2014.

by Mike D.W on September 30, 2014

in Entertainment

Proof that nightmares exist when you’re awake.


White Dee-Benefits street-politician-parliament-MP-Ladybrook-seat-party-running-vote-Westminster-prime Minister-Deirdre KellyOne day soon White Dee will hike up her joggers, say goodbye to her cats, sing a few bars from “We won’t get fooled again” and then head for Westminster to join Team Benefits Street!

The Daily Star says that White Dee, real name Deirdre Kelly is “actively considering” becoming a politician.

The Star’s source says that the 43-year-old from Birmingham has met with political advisers and talked about running for the Birmingham Ladywood seat at next year’s election. White Dee is so serious about this that she’s even thinking of starting her own political party in order to achieve her dream. The Daily Mail have kept their mouths shut about this, which means it’s probably true. White Dee has until next February to throw her hat into the ring.

“I’ve thought about standing as an MP, it’s a subject I’m really interested in.

When you’ve got MPs saying they consider you as ‘too common’ to stand, I think they would be shocked, because the more common you are, the more in touch you are with real people in the country.

I can’t say I would stand for a current party – I would create my own one.”

Unbelievably the bookies also think that Dee has a decent chance of winning herself a seat in the parliament of all parliaments. Ladbrokes have her at 33/1 to win the Birmingham Ladywood seat at next year’s election and BetFair have her at 250/1 to enter Downing Street as Prime Minister at some point in the future.

Although Dee didn’t win Celebrity Big Brother I really hope she can break her losing streak and win that seat in the House, because she’ll probably blurt out all her benefits claims right there in front of the Speaker. David Cameron and George Osbourne won’t be able to resist her and the conscience they didn’t know they had will start to shake in a thousand different ways. They’ll resign and become instant Job Seekers.

Besides, Dee has everything it takes to be a politician. She has no political experience so it would only a matter of time before we’d get to see pictures of her showing off her baked nipples to some dodgy journalist on Skype. Yes, she’ll make the perfect politician. Swear her in!


Thumbnail image for Program Note And NO Words For 27th September 2014.

Program Note And NO Words For 27th September 2014.

September 27, 2014 Entertainment

This weekend and continuing until Tuesday, my dead-n-dull brain is being unplugged from NMi while I head off to Cambridgeshire. It was my birthday earlier this week and Cambridgeshire is a surprise present from my other half, HiDs. She won’t tell me anything else about it but I think I know when I’m being shuffled off to rehab […]

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Thumbnail image for LEGALS: Dave Lee Travis Given Three-Month Suspended Jail Sentence.

LEGALS: Dave Lee Travis Given Three-Month Suspended Jail Sentence.

September 26, 2014 Entertainment

Today, everyone in Fleet Street will take a long and well deserved break from the Dave Lee Travis trial. The BBC have got the weekend off to a good start by reporting how the former radio One DJ has been given a three-month suspended jail sentence for indecently assaulting a young BBC researcher over 20 years ago. Before sentencing a statement from the victim of […]

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Thumbnail image for No Words For 26 September 2014.

No Words For 26 September 2014.

September 26, 2014 Entertainment

  Everything I know I learned from YouTube.   Tweet

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Victoria Beckham: The Most Powerful Woman On Earth.

September 25, 2014 Entertainment

Victoria Beckham has become our International Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations UNAIDS campaign. And no, that doesn’t mean her new shop in London will be selling fat clothes to thin people. As you know, Victoria Beckham serves the interests of women all over the world and should we ever get involved with the intergalactic jelly people […]

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Thumbnail image for The Post That Wrote Itself – Hosted By Our Twitter Friends. 25/09/14.

The Post That Wrote Itself – Hosted By Our Twitter Friends. 25/09/14.

September 25, 2014 Entertainment

Welcome to The Post Wrote Itself, an article where Mike D.W gets to post something on Twitter and then says nothing. Mike D.W has never conceived an original thought in his life, but he does understand that tweeting something stupid on Twitter is better than tweeting nothing at all. Right? Once his stupidity dies then his horrible secrets die with him. And we wouldn’t want […]

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Emma Watson: Naked Picture Site Was A Fake.

September 25, 2014 Entertainment

In future, whenever I see Emma Watson I’ll think of those pesky spammers that have infiltrated the comments section of every web site on Planet Earth. You know what I’m talking about. They leave messiness like, “She is a very attractive girl. So beautiful. I saw her profile on www.lusciouslovelies.com” – stuff like that. But y’know, when I think […]

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Thumbnail image for No Words For 25 September 2014.

No Words For 25 September 2014.

September 25, 2014 Entertainment

  Welcome to NO WORDS, the post where there are… no words.   Tweet

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Caught, The Three Bosom Woman Who Lied To The World.

September 24, 2014 Entertainment

Among the great myths of our time are, pigeons blow up if they eat rice, the £5.00 a month mobile phone and men will think about sex every 7 seconds. Well now you can add the three-bosom woman, Jasmine Tridevil to the list. Yesterday TMZ outed Jasmine’s tri-boobed freak show after her suitcase failed to appear on a […]

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Thumbnail image for LEGALS: The Sun Says Hairy Cornflake Faces Porridge.

LEGALS: The Sun Says Hairy Cornflake Faces Porridge.

September 24, 2014 Entertainment

Last night I was on Twitter trying to tweet something funny about Dave Lee Travis and his conviction for indecent assault. I failed because seeing the headline, ‘Hairy Cornflake Faces Porridge’ in today’s Sun takes the biscuit. Brilliant. Waking up to a headline like that must make Travis want to crawl to the bottom of his bed and stay […]

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