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Tina O’Brien: Morning Model.

Tina O'Brien-Morning Model, Newsmediaimages.com

Seeing an actress like Tina O’Brien wearing her lingerie makes me so glad that soap operas exist. There’s nothing more sensual than an actress wearing little more than a smile.

So that’s why Coronation Street’s Tina O’Brien is our Morning Model today.

Y’know, women must buy a ton of underwear because there must be about a thousand different brands available to them in the average high street. By my estimation there are only three different brands for men. White black blue.

So if you’re ever in a shop with lots of different underwear options for men, then think twice before you Facebook your location. Either that or the time has come to tell your parents that you’re gay.

I didn’t invent the rules, I’m just explaining them.

Anyway, Tina O’Brien is pretty damn hot. I think if the Coronation Street producers rang a bell every time one of their actresses got undressed and posed in her underwear then Manchester would sound like Rome.

Whenever I look at Tina O’Brien she always looks unhappy. I hate to see anybody look unhappy. Seeing a good looking woman with a melancholy look on her face makes me want to take her out for a drink. We could then mock all the less attractive people around us.

We could also lament how reality television is turning an entire generation of young women into brain dead bimbos. I could then explain to Tina why this moral decay is not such a bad thing.

Yeah, this could happen, if I ever met Tina O’Brien.

Kym Marsh: Trolled Off Twitter.

Kym Marsh Trolls Quits Twitter

According to The Sun on Sunday Coronation Street actress Kym Marsh has been forced to (sort of) quit her Twitter after receiving abuse from the trolls. It’s all to do with her split from fiancé Dan Hooper.

They’re saying that Kym Marsh, who plays Michelle Connor, has received hundreds of unpleasant tweets.

A source told the tabloid:

“This is a very difficult time for Kym. She’s exhausted and emotional, and the abuse she has been getting is the last thing she needs.

She decided to take a break from Twitter for a while, though she hasn’t deleted her profile or announced her decision, but she thinks it’s the right thing to do.”

(via: Sun-on-Sunday)

Well then, these sound like the perfect boring trolls for the perfect boring actress. When I first heard about this my first reaction was, Wot her? Really? Kym Marsh the Pure and Simple girl? Well, I guess even psychotic, self-obsessed trolls lower their standards every now and again.

I know, a lot of people think that trolls are a seriously bad business because they’re so mentally unstable and dangerous. I mean plenty of them have either killed or attempted to kill in the past. But what I’m really saying is that part of the problem with this country is lack of ambition and these trolls are a perfect example of that.

If you’re a woman then you’ll need to focus on that. If a profile which looks like a member of the Mexican drug cartel or even one of those fake accounts with the face of a cocker spaniel, calls you a whore and tells you to suck dicks on Twitter then you’re best off blocking these losers rather than responding and giving them validation. (Twitter sucks by the way. Block yourself.)

Anyway, if these trolls are going to stalk an actress from Coronation Street it should at least be Catherine Tyldesley. She’s from Salford and my friend told me that all women from Salford are either fetish hookers or tranny girls who’ll pick your name out of a hat and then make your life very miserable indeed.

Kerry Katona: Breakdown Of The Year.

Kerry Katona,Mum,breakdown,Newsmediaimages.com

Kerry Katona: Even the the most intellectual of trailer park logic can’t explain why polysaturated skanks from across the land continue to make the front of our Sunday newspapers.

Take this week’s Star on Sunday for example. It’s one of their regular publicity stunts to offer women who are in the news a place on their front page. This week they’ve given jowl monster and obesity promoter, Kerry Katona their front page headline.

Why? Did Kerry walk in on her brother having sex with husband? Nope. Did she get her head wedged between her anus and her pubic mound? Not to my knowledge. Did she drop several tabs of acid and go rummaging around in a mausoleum? Not that either.

No, Kerry Katona is on the front of the Star on Sunday this week because she’s “on the verge of a breakdown after a week from hell”.

Ladies and gentlemen the press moves in mysterious ways, even if the Earth had stopped rotating or shrieking demons had descended from the skies or another fat person had been sent to jail, none of these things would have proved more newsworthy to the SOS than Kerry Katona’s WEEK FROM HELL!

Here’s what a week from hell looks like.

First breakdown inducing event.

Kerry was advised that her mum, Sue has a potentially fatal heart condition. Surprisingly because Sue drinks, smokes and is overweight she now has Ischemia which means she will have to see a heart and lung specialist.

Second breakdown inducing event.

Kerry was told that her children were involved in a car accident. It is believed that their nanny was driving when another car hit their people carrier.

May Satan’s dagger stab me in the heart for wondering how a double bankrupt can afford a nanny.

Anyway, despite being weighed down by all her tattoos Kerry ‘raced to the hospital’ only to find that her children by multi-dad were all perfectly fine.

There. The trailer trash event of the year. Not exactly a breakdown, more of a signature. You have to be the queen of something Kerry.

Mila Kunis: Morning Model.

Mila Kunis,Morning Model,Newsmediaimages.com

Mila Kunis and Lindsay Lohan are roughly the same age. They both began their Hollywood careers in 1998 but while there have been a stack of posts on here about Lindsay, there have been very few about Mila.

And that’s because Mila isn’t a drunken trashy retard. She doesn’t get arrested nor does she flash her tits in public, meaning there’s nothing for me to post about. Frankly she’s a very nice lady.

Mila Kunis is 31 years old, a well-liked and much respected actress. She’s the daughter of a physics teacher and a mechanical engineer. She once dated the same man for over 9 years.

On the other hand Lindsay Lohan is 28 years old, a degenerate with a history of legal problems, misdemeanours and probation violations. She’s the daughter of a useless sack of stage shit and a violent booze fuelled muppet. She will hump literally anything.

Now, try and guess who I’d stalk on Facebook.

I don’t mean that, I’ve never stalked anybody in my entire life, not ever but when you write show business for long enough you start to think about people like that.

It’s a shame that Mila Kunis doesn’t have a bigger cleavage, because boobs really mean a lot to me. I truly appreciate them. That’s why my advertisers hate me. They think all tits belong on 19th century Romanian prostitutes and have no place next to their clients products. (Look right)

Yeah, these days actresses are pretty liberal about flashing their boobs. They’ll flash them on the beach, in the parks and in various horribly boring magazines. Sometimes they get totally out of control. Maybe they’re worried that nobody in the press is paying attention to them.

More likely they believe that their heavenly creations make men think about having sex with them.

Oh, the horror.

Gay Marriage Referendum Ireland.

Gay Marriage,Ireland, newsmediaimages.com

A word on Gay Marriage: For as long as there have been gay people there have been those who have tried to tear down their right to get married and live happily ever after.

Is it because these anti gay people inherently oppose gay marriage or do they just think that gay people are too tall, too young and too sexually adventurous to be tied down by a institution as important as marriage.

Take that idiot Jeremy Irons for example. Back in 2013, the HuffPo asked him for his opinion on gay marriage and he spluttered out some nasty nonsense about how gay marriage shouldn’t be allowed, because it’ll lead to fathers marrying their sons for tax purposes. That is one dick-brained stupid thing to say!

Those words must have made Coleen Nolan curse Jeremy Irons’ name, because she was planning to marry Janet Street-Porter.

However, Jeremy’s no stranger to nasty talk, in fact he’s rather good at it. A few years ago he said that children under 16 are “immensely attractive” and the “hysteria” over pedophilia is ruining relationships between parents and their kids.

Words fail me. [click to continue…]

Katie Hopkins: Bitch Went Bland.

Katie Hopkins,Bland,Newsmediaimages.com

Twitter, social media’s floating balloon of truth and integrity has clearly told Katie Hopkins that she’s a lying manipulative murderous psychopath and she should crawl back to her cave and start knitting us all some socks. Or something.

At least I think that’s what’s happened. Reading her column in The Sun newspaper today the bitch just went bland. I think the editor must have been giving her compliance training with a stick and a whistle. Her nightmarish rantings, once so profound that they altered DNA, have gone.

On Thursday night Katie’s Twitter promised the LGBT community that they’d be getting a shit load of flack today, a conservative middle finger straight up their collective asses. What they got wasn’t exactly the Russians moving into Brighton, or a warning that transgenders had better watch out for the second coming of Jesus.

No, what the LGBTs got instead was a boring politically correct tumble into a PR love affair with pinkie perks. Bland.

No fun to be had there then.

Katie Hopkins has also raised the subject of ‘The News.’ She says that her girlfriends all “refuse to listen to the news any more because it makes them feel the world is in a dark and difficult place.” She also takes a swipe at BBC News 24 and their obsession with the weather forecast. She’s right, down our throats it goes every half an hour. Over and over and over. [click to continue…]