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Cheryl Fernandez-Versini Is Suing.

Cheryl Fernandez-Versini-cole-sues-cocaine-picture

Ever since Monday night Cheryl Fernandez-Versini has been flying around the Internet fiercely chasing down a photograph. The picture was taken in the bathroom at the London Coliseum during the British Fashion Awards.

The photograph shows Cheryl in the reflection of a mirror. She appears to be washing her hands, but on the cabinet, slightly to her right there are three lines of a mysterious white powder.

The scandalous picture was originally posted to Instagram by a well known fashion journalist but because Cheryl’s lawyers have issued a legal notice prohibiting anyone from publishing the photograph, we are unable to show it here. However, if you want to see it just search Twitter with the hashtag #cherylcole.

We all know how the internet moves faster than the speed of sound, often defying reason and logic.

This picture does both and much much more. It implies that Cheryl Fernandez-Versini snorts cocaine. How on Earth could that be true? After all Cheryl has repeatedly stated that she doesn’t do drugs nor ever has.

What else do you know that flies around the internet every single day? Bullshit that’s what.

Topics ranging from ‘secret terrorist nukes’ to ‘man in porkpie has sex with monkey’ regularly appear online. This is exactly why my beloved partner, HiDs once declared the entire internet as the devil’s shitpit of lies and pornography.

Many celebrities express surprise when topless pictures hacked from their mobile phones make guest appearances on social media. As this picture makes it’s way around the socials I guess, in between bouts of masturbating, the entire world has now seen it.

From the picture many will now unjustly assume that Cheryl Fernandez-Versini snorts cocaine. That is a most unfair assumption to make.

And, like many things you see on the internet it’s bullshit.

Really, it is.

Poor Cheryl.

Photography Prints

Molly King Exposed.

Molly King-minge-moment-british-fashion-awards

Molly King knows that a woman can never look more serious than when she’s photographed without her underwear. See above.

I don’t know much about high fashion but one thing I do know is that whenever a woman goes out in public she needs to put her knickers on. Last night at the British Fashion awards Molly King arrived on the red carpet dressed in the most beautiful of haute couture gowns. However, that didn’t mean she didn’t look a messy hot mess.

Here’s why. Most women understand that the first rule of haute couture is;

Do not give the press a glimpse of your lady parts.

However Molly King thinks she can do whatever she likes because as a singer in a rocky-rollie girl band she can’t get into trouble.

No sir, quite the opposite in fact. Molly knows that by flashing a lady garden at the press makes one more famous and helps sell more records. And that’s what it’s all about.

So flash the paps a teaser, the parts your boyfriend serenades. Yes flash your undercarriage Molly King. After all it’s the doorway to getting paid.

On a serious note Molly, if you’re going to run out of ideas then run out of ideas with your lady garden hanging all the way out. Take some time to think about this and then come back tomorrow with your skirt off. Or don’t come back.

Y’know, if Molly King were my girlfriend then I’d take lots of pictures. Really, I would.

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Kelly Brook – Minge Dress.

Kelly brook-Evening Standard theatre awards,minge dress

Even a women with big racks has to pay her rent. Ask Kelly Brook. That’s how she found herself in a flowing minge dress at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards on Sunday night.

Yes, Kelly smile for the cameras. You’re two beach bunnies away from busting out of that dress.

The Daily Mail have described Kelly’s grand entrance to the awards as “a rather awkward wardrobe malfunction”. I’m guessing that’s why people took photos of her, because… why the hell not?

What else are they going to say about flashing a barely covered minge at an awards ceremony where they honour amazing actors and their shows.

If you were Dame Judy Dench, maybe you could do a little Shakespeare on the red carpet. If you were someone from the BBC, you could turn up holding a child actors hand.

But you’re Kelly Brook so why not show off your underwear? Yes, go with a dress from the House of Spanks collection. After all you’re famous for your lady parts.

You’re all good to go Kelly Brook.

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John Leslie – Sex Attack Allegations.

John Leslie-rape-allegations

The Sunday Mirror have reported that TV host John Leslie has been questioned by police over a sex attack claim following the Radio Forth Awards ceremony which were held in Edinburgh last Thursday afternoon.

The tabloid says that ex-Blue Peter star was questioned by police after a 22-year-old woman claimed she was assaulted following the Radio Forth Awards show held in the city’s Usher Hall. The police have raided the presenters home in the upmarket area of Morningside and were seen taking lots of evidence bags away. Nobody knows what was in them. Yet.

A police spokesperson has said:

“We are investigating a report of a sexual assault on a 22-year-old woman, which took place between Thursday evening and Friday morning. Inquiries are ongoing.”

It is understood that Leslie has now been suspended from his job as a day time DJ for Radio Forth while police investigate the lady’s allegations.

For some of you 2002 might seem like forever ago but for John Leslie it must seem like only yesterday. That was the year his nightmare began, the year when he was identified (on live TV) by Channel 5’s Matthew Wright as the unnamed rapist who Swedish TV presenter Ulrika Jonsson had accused in her autobiography of rape.

The press, the paps and hundreds of interested parties gathered outside his house in SW London. They stayed there for months. They all wanted something. However, his employers were none too impressed so they fired him from his job presenting the This Morning show with Fern Britton.

This all proved too much for John’s live in girlfriend, Abi Titmuss. She left him and went on to find fame and fortune as a topless model.

Slowly John Leslie’s world collapsed. In 2003, he appeared at London’s Southwark Crown Court accused of two counts of indecently assaulting a 23-year-old actress back in 1997. He was cleared of all charges.

Afterwards from the steps of the court John made this tearful statement:

“I am an innocent man. We always believed justice would prevail and the truth would come out. I said I would clear my name and today I have.”

Later he faced a further scandal when a sex tape of John, Abi Titmuss and another woman appeared on the internet.

Titmuss later claimed she had bought cocaine for the threesome. And in 2008, more accusations against Leslie emerged in relation to another alleged rape. No charges were ever brought.

Who knows how many resources John Leslie used to secure justice but was all worth it? Last month he gave an interview in which he spoke about his dramatic fall from grace and how he still regrets not suing asses for all the pain and unhappiness.

Here’s what he had to say:

“I lost everything overnight. ITV said I’d forfeited the right to have my contract paid up and the whole thing was a mess. Everything around me was on fire and money just wasn’t at the top of my list of considerations.

It was about maintaining my ­innocence. I’d gone from earning over £300,000 to not a single penny.

I also started having to pay for lawyers and PR agencies, so any savings I had ­disappeared. I spent about £500,000 on legal costs but at least I wasn’t in jail.

One of my biggest regrets was not suing the papers and Channel 5, but I was advised if I sued the TV companies they’d never touch me again. I took the advice but the phone never rang.”

John Leslie has not had any regular TV work since, but he has worked sporadically for a number of radio stations.

I sometimes think that living under the media spotlight must be the worst place on earth. Everything is illegal, everything is taxed, everything is 5000 times harder than it should be. Unless you’re a parking metre that is, because apparently those have an entire branch of government dedicated to their justice.

I don’t know about this one. The police will now investigate the latest allegation. Eventually they’ll let the press know if a 22-year-old woman had too much chardonnay or if they’re stuffing another rape charge up John Leslie’s backside.

Tabloids Fixated With Cleavage.


Every day our tabloids advance equal rights for women by a few more topless yards. Chose a women with decent sized boobs, write about the men who’ve touched them, get a quote and hey presto – a news story which captivates the nation.

This morning our esteemed tabloids have continued with their cleavage parade. Once again their headlines are reading like a Who’s Who of the porn industry;

Susanna Reid – Busty Display!  

     Rachel Riley – Curvaceous Figure!      

          Charlotte Hawkins – Flaunts Her Cleavage!  

When they’re not publishing off-putting celebrity selfies the tabloids seem to think that these shenanigans will keep them relevant, newsworthy, in the groove, hip, zany and connected to our deepest primal instincts.

Over the last few months the tabloids have forced me to think more and more about this. After all I publish cleavage pictures all the time. I ask myself if publishing cleavage pictures is just my lame excuse to show tits again or is a curvaceous cleavage really relevant and newsworthy?

The answer is as obvious as it is disturbing. Tits sell, just ask a Page Three girl.

That said, I do find myself wondering if ‘clever cleavage’ might be more appropriate…. you know, some busty student flopping them out at Oxford University. Twice as interesting? What about busting them out on top of the London Eye? The answer to both questions is a resounding no.

I also wonder about those ‘life-style’ pictures the paparazzi take of reality stars in the park. Those strenuous workouts mean a tracksuit is simply too burdensome. Yes, wannabe, get noticed, and while you’re at it start flashing them on social media too. Yes, let’s be friends.

There’s not a single person over twelve who doesn’t understand what I’m talking about. If the tabloids are to be believed then it’s safe to assume that no attractive woman likes to wear clothes in public and, just like God intended, she loves sharing her body on a web cam.

Well, so be it then tabloids. If it’s good enough for you then it’s good enough for me.

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Cara Delevingne Causes Outrage with Gun Picture.

Cara Delevingne-gun-picture-paris-attacks
Cara Delevingne has posted a picture of herself dressed in a Paris beanie hat alongside a childhood photo of herself posing with a toy gun. This comes just days after the horrific Paris attacks.

I guess there’s a soldier in all of us. It doesn’t matter that none of her 20 million followers play Call of Duty, this was Cara Delevingne’s chance to get Fleet Street splashing her all over the place…. just like a Kardashian.

And it’s worked, she’s everywhere, the tabloids, the blogs, social media… and not for the right reasons either.

No. While her silly little picture was well received by some, there were many who felt outraged that it came so soon after the awful attacks in Paris. There have been tears, screams, broken windows, fights and one person even had sex with his toy poodle he was that angry.

Many have asked if this was simply Cara’s attempt to do something truly shocking in order to get people talking about her.

Well if that was the case then, for me at least, Cara’s picture has achieved the exact opposite of shocking. No, shocking would be if I saw pictures of Cara quietly reading a book, or arriving at work on time and being sober.

Now I’d have fallen out of my chair if she’d posted pictures like that.

I know, we shouldn’t criticise the behaviour of a zero witted model just because we perceive her as being dimmer than dishwater.

Cara isn’t dim, really she isn’t. How could she be? In 2014 her company recorded profits of £3.1 million.

That means Cara was earning a staggering £8,500 a day.

See. Not dim.