Ultimo supermodel Luisana Lopilato was in the Daily Mail today and while she was there she decided to quit modelling lingerie to focus on bringing up her son, Noah instead.
Luisana is a gift to photography, because as it turns out she looks amazing no matter who takes the picture. You could throw a camera in the sand then whack it with a stick until it flashed, as long as it was pointed in Luisana’s general direction it would still take one of the most beautiful images ever caught on film. How exactly does one go about getting a job as a Ultimo photographer, because pointing something in the general direction of a model seems like something I could do.
Anyway where do women learn to pose like Luisana? I can barely manufacture a basic smile for a photograph. I feel so awkward and always end up looking like someone in a Sumo wrestling brochure. Do these women go to some kind of pose camp? Could I get a job there as a teacher?
Britain’s foremost column of gossip and truth, 3AM says that Artem Chigvintsev’s record-breaking run as Kara Tointon’s award winning dance partner has come to an end.
As your asses will remember Artem and Kara started doing it full-time when they danced together in the 2010 series of Strictly Come Dancing. However their love ended the way all true love ends whenever a woman sees her man getting too close and personal with another woman.
Yes it’s true. For some time now rumours have been circulating online that Kara was getting more and more jealous of Artem’s growing friendship with his current dance partner, Natalie Gumede. Last month Natalie tried to kill off those rumours when she sat on a fence and said:
“I wouldn’t like to comment on that, that’s not for me to say… I’m just here to dance.”
I don’t know if Kara thought Artem was going to give her a ring and because that didn’t happen they broke up, or if she said good riddance to his ass because Natalie is a sneaky snake living a harlot’s dream. Lets hear what 3AM’s inside source had to tell them:
“Things have been a bit rocky between them now for a good few months but they have tried to work through their problems. Neither wanted to throw in the towel but Artem’s confided in pals that they actually called time on their romance a few months ago. They simply drifted apart.
They remain great friends and Artem is still living at Kara’s. And, to the outside word, they are putting on a front, insisting all is well at least until Strictly finishes.”
So there you have it. One beautiful relation on the verge of crumbling and sliding down a hill. Lets remind ourselves of why the nation lit a candle for True Love in the first place.
Kimberley Walsh clearly thinks that being a former member of Girl’s Aloud makes her one of the smartest people around. Damned if I’m going to be the one to give her a not really.
Girls like Kimberley can call themselves part time physicists or global industrialists for all I care, the only thing that matters to me is are they actually smart enough to figure out that tweeting pictures of themselves standing in the ladies loo is going to result in them recieving some less than complimentary column inches on the blogosphere?
I know, that last paragraph was a pretty strong statement and possibly a little unfair. The next paragraph is even worse.
You know, you could put Kimberley in front of the nation’s most famous Christmas tree and then surround her with adorable young children and still her giant butt would somehow be the focus of everyone’s attention. Kimberley’s really lucky that she’s wealthy and has managed her money well, because in a few years time she’s going to need some serious spine-straightening operations or she’ll end up looking like an upside down question mark.
I know the real story here should be about how Miley Cyrus is committing another SO WRONG by twerking the musty scent her pussy sweat over a ‘Daddy does Christmas’ scene but everyone else seems to be posting their Who Does It Betterarticles right now so why not that NMi post one too?
I know, it takes a few blinks and a couple of ‘who is dis woman’s?’ to even realise that in the video below it’s actually Miley Cyrus acting the fool like some Asian trick performing a McDonalds drag act whilst on stage at the Jingle Ball in Minnesota last night.
Par contra, in our next video below its easier to recognise the legendary Shakira who, in my opinion easily wins this vid-off without even trying because, in the wise words of the internet, “Miley just looks a like a desperate boy trying to be a man.”
So I guess it’s your choice, Miley or Shakira. Who does it better?
A few weeks ago we heard how Kim Kardashian had pulled her fat head out of her ass just long enough to do a good thing in this world. Yes, we were told how Kim had thrown a sack of her old clothes at her eBay page so as to benefit the victims of that awful typhoon in the Philippines.
However, for nasty bitches who prefer slapping the fake mess out of all things Kardashian the exciting news has come today.
It seems that everyone is now reporting on how Kim has taken to her blog in order to defend herself from the negative press that has erupted ever since it was discovered that only 10% of the auction proceeds actually went to the Philippine charity. The multi-millionaire, who earned in excess of $10m last year, writes that she gives to charity only because she wants to and that her father said that “it’s the right thing to do”. Bitch says she’s hurt by all the criticism.
Here’s an extract.
“Over the years, I’ve had to grow a thick skin. Being in the public eye, there are times I feel like I get criticized for any and everything I do. I’m used to it now. I just choose not to feed into negativity or become consumed by it.
The problem comes in when I get attacked for giving and trying to help people. My dad always taught me the importance of giving back. I don’t publicize everything I do to help charities and people all over the world.
So for people to attack me for giving 10% of my eBay auction sales to the people of the Philippines — that hurts.”
I don’t think that Kim Kardashian is the first celebrity to pull a “Let’s use a disaster to fill our greedy assholes with even more money while getting tax relief at the same time” scheme. And she won’t be the last either because greedy bitches need to stay greedy.
But y’know what, we shouldn’t be so hard on these money mad mingers. Sure, the victims in the Philippines need clean water, food, clothes, shoes and basic medicines alright, but Kim needs her 90% even more.
It’s true, Kim needs that 90% to reupholster her vagina, buy foundation and all those face fillers. After all how else is a girl expected to keep herself looking like a duck billed platypus that’s been hit in the face with a semi?
I dunno why, but this seems like the perfect moment to pull this video clip out of the archives.
Whenever I’m at a large social function and people ask me what I do for a living, I always tell them I’m a pornography photographer. It’s the best way to get people to leave you alone. Nobody ever asks, Oh, what kind? or Where do you work? They just slowly edge away from you allowing […]
Ever since it was announced that MP’s are to be awarded an 11% pay rise the media, charities and just about every breathing citizen in the United Kingdom has expressed their outrage. Even MP’s have voiced their opposition. Surprisingly it wasn’t MP’s that awarded themselves this pay rise (yes surprisingly), it was an independent and […]
Remember back in June when the police arrested Tulisa Contostavlos after a Sunday newspaper had published a tape of her boasting that she could get cocaine for an undercover reporter to stick up his b-hole? Well there’s some news on that and none of it says Happy Christmas Tulisa. Yes. The Crown Prosecution Service buried Tulisa’s cherished dough-face in a puddle […]
I absolutely love Christmas time because it’s the only time of year one gets to see sexy and erotic films disguised as aftershave adverts. Seriously, some of them are so damned hot they’re bordering on pornographic. I’m surprised you don’t need an 08 number to just to watch them. My favorite one is Givenchy’s Gentlemen […]
Dappy from N-Dubz, best known for being a walking Faces of Meth poster, is to enter the Celebrity Big Brother house in January after getting his ass into a ridiculous amount of debt. The Sun say that the Inland Revenue’s favourite wet dream owes them a pile of cash which is bigger than the pile of dirty bong […]
Whenever Shia LaBeouf gets a fight boner on it usually ends with him visiting an Accident and Emergency room to have some bitch’s foot removed from his ass. You’ll remember how, back in October Shia was punched in the face and kicked in the nuts after filming some girl being sick in Leicester Square. Well, last night Shia […]
While everybody is using up their bandwidth on the achievements of Nelson Mandela I’m sitting here wondering why Ed Sheeran has sandblasted his own face. Yes, welcome to this week’s Ugly Faces Of Show Business. Ed’s face has got to be the ugliest face I have ever seen. Seriously, it looks like it’s been run over by […]
Last night wasn’t the best night of the 21st century for Cosmopolitan magazine to hold their Ultimate Women of the Year Awards. But they did, which means the sun won’t be coming out today, because Rebecca Ferguson’s extra dragalicious dress is blocking it! Rebecca Ferguson should not go out dressed like she was about to judge some drag […]