Last October after Orlando Bloom had filed for divorce from Miranda Kerr, the internet burst into a glitter-ball of unsolved blind items about who Miranda had been passing her private parts to. One candidate was Justin Bieber.
I never really believed that those two did anything other than watch the Muppet Show together but since 99% of people believed that Justin had slipped his wee-wee sausage into Miranda’s heart-shaped strawberry I kinda accepted that as all the hearsay evidence needed to establish Bieber’s guilt. Exhibit A
Even though Orlando and Miranda have since gone their separate ways the bad blood between Justin and Orlando continues to boil.
According to both TMZ and The Sun a fight broke out in the early hours of this morning between that badass Bieber boy and the nut stompin’ angry man Orlando Bloom. The fight started at the Cipriani restaurant in Ibiza after Justin had thrown a derogatory comment (about Miranda) at Orlando.
Well, Orlando wasn’t about to take abuse from some overgrown toddler without responding to it. Not today. Not any day. Below is a short video of the incident. Unfortunately you don’t get to see Orlando taking his swing at Justin. It starts with Justin screaming, “What’s up bitch?”
There’s some chest puffing and a little shoving before the pair are pulled apart. Justin then exits the restaurant and runs off to post this picture (below) of Miranda up to his Instagram page. Note the crown.
And that’s about it. I’m sure the police will investigate the incident as soon as they start giving a f**k.
Yesterday, just hours after leaving the LifeCo rehab clinic in Turkey the ‘Golden Sunflower’ we know as Kate Moss arrived at Bodrum Airport and went straight to the EasyJet check-in desk. She had no ticket and looked drunker than a thousand Apaches.
According to The Daily Mail Kate somehow managed to ‘persuade’ the check-in clerk to allow her to board the next flight to Gatwick.
I mean HOW?!?
“Listen, this is obviously just a big misunderstanding that I’m sure we can work out” while making blow job motions? Who knows.
Anyway, when did the Daily Mail get so touchy about looking like a wasted hand puppet covered in hobo poop at an airport? I just naturally assumed that when one purchased an EasyJet ticket, it came with a bottle of whiskey and a voucher for the in-flight punch-up.
Well, we all know what happened next….. iPhone, meet your new wallpaper.
Anyone who dares talk trash about One Direction usually finds their inbox filling up with death threats from insane 12 year-olds screaming their anuses off while threatening to murder their faces.
Zayn Malik, who was raised as a Muslim, was bombarded with death threats yesterday after he tweeted the hashtag #FreePatestine to his 13 million followers.
Malik probably assumed that his protest tweet was popular because it got nearly 200,000 retweets and 190,000 favourites within just a few minutes. However, as soon as he posted his tweet the hate and abuse started to pour in.
Bitches started sending him death threats because that’s entirely reasonable, right? Here’s a small sample of the hate that has been thrown Zayn’s way for tweeting what so many on planet Earth are thinking.
“I loved u but now I hope u will die”
“You are a complete f****** moron!!!”
“Get a life whore.”
“If he wanted peace he wouldn’t take the hamas side.”
“I’m honestly at the point where even I don’t understand my love for you. It’s really far beyond comprehension.”
“Your joking!!! You support terrorism!!!”
“Am I making them cry??? When he dies in a missile attack, then I will be happy.”
“He should die in his sleep…..more then what the innocents are getting in Israel.”
“I JUST HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL, BITCH! YOU DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE. YOU DESERVE TO DIE!”
They say that you haven’t made it until you’ve received a death threat, so “liking” the people of Palestine will almost certainly get a tweet with a skull on it sent to your inbox. I’m sure if the police trace these tweets they’ll find they all came from a pink laptop with a denim cozy over it. (I’m looking at you, Max George).
For those of you who found your way here by Googling dickforsize then I apologize because I’m not going to give what your sick ass wants. However, here’s some news that will make you want to shake your dick at the floor whilst howling, “FORSIZE ” at the moon.
Yesterday the Sunday Mirror told of a slutty goblin who sank to a new level of shamelessness. In their exposé a blonde kiss-n-tell girl told the tabloid how she’d taken a risqué ride on Danielle Lloyd’s husband, Jamie O’Hara.
The woman, in her late twenties claimed that O’Hara had bought her cocktails in a Birmingham night club one Saturday night before ‘dickforsizing’ her at a nearby hotel and then again at his £2.3m family home in Sutton Coldfield.
Here’s an extract;
“He had been really sweet, cuddling up to me. Inside his house there were pictures of Danielle and the kids all over the place but he just didn’t seem to bother about his wife. He told me they weren’t together.”
“I know what I did was wrong and I regret it now. But I’m single and I was drunk and fancied him. He lied to me. He said they had split up. The worst thing is he showed no remorse.”
And now all the tabloids are reporting that a desperately distraught Danielle has walked out on her husband. Yes, the poor woman is so upset that she’s packed a bag and left her marital home.
Jamie O’Hara always looks to me like he’s about to impart some really bad news, like he’s just smoked your entire stash or something, so I don’t think I could wake up to that ugly face every morning. But Danielle could. So yeah, if you think the hot piece from Wolverhampton Wanderers football club looks bad now, just wait until you see what he looks like when a divorce court sucks all the hotness out of him.
But why? Why to all of this? This story should come with a sticker on the front that says “Find out more on the Internet! No really.
Anyway. Lets take a break from all this sadness and listen to some music…..
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