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Miley Cyrus v Adele.

Adele Miley Cyrus

Loveable Scamp, Miley Ray Destiny HopCyrus v Perky Penguin, Adele Laurie Blue Adkins.

Introducing the contenders.

For some reason Adele drives me wild. To be honest I can’t quite put my finger on why that is. I don’t know if it’s the way she waddles around like a sexy emperor penguin or that she doesn’t take shit from anyone. Maybe it’s because she’s just very talented.

Sometimes it’s enough just to want to make a difference.

Miley Cyrus.
I think Miley Cyrus stopped caring what people thought about her somewhere between the age of eighteen and fifty million in the bank. That grew her up really fast. If still she feels the need to sing crappy party songs, smoke weed and show off her tits… well so be it, she a heroine!

I’m sure that makes more sense when you’re super high.

And there they are. Consider the case closed. (See picture above)

Chuckle Brothers – Art Transformed.

Chuckle Brothers-Art-Compliation-artpopper

The three people who just walked through the Twitter Art Gallery (presumably looking for the toilet) must have stared at the above picture and mused, “Wots this? The Chuckle Brothers are an art form now?”

But don’t worry art lovers, Twitter isn’t going into the art business any time soon. No, they’ll be sticking to their core business – turning blurred and naked selfies into trippy Polaroids.

And what are we talking about exactly? Allow me to explain.

The story all began earlier this week when The Poke website threw down a challenge to its readers. They asked them to turn placid works of art into visions of comic beauty. Yes, go put the Chuckle Brothers’ faces onto some famous paintings.

So off they all went. Off to the land of Photo-shop, where digital talent shines and magic markers glow. Baby steps Tweeters baby steps, distort this, render that, there you go… a Laughing Cavalier with a slightly bigger nose.

It wasn’t long before a bizarre trend began on Twitter, a trend complete with it’s very own hashtag. Hundreds of magic eyed genies all displaying like Jean-Michel Basquiat.

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before the Glittering Gays of HootSuite show up and quench our thirst for a sparkle-embedded Vincent Van Chuckle!

Well it’s been much, much, MUCH ado about nothing because all the Poke really wanted was to keep us going back and forth to their website until our minds were all “oooh’d” out. I guess this foolish nonsense must have worked for them. Probably.

Now that’s all said and done, try and remember this. Any fool can become one with art and any art can become one with a fool. But if you set out to make a fool out of art… then you’re an idiot.

That’s right Messrs Poke, I’m looking at you.

Viagra For The Mysterious G-spot.


Okay… lets talk about Viagra. The days of men (and women) praying that a placid pecker would sparkle on demand have long gone. The shady side of the internet made that happiness happen when it started selling little blue pills via PayPal.

Now we know that Viagra works wonders for willies, what about women and their mysterious G-spot?

A controversial campaign led by a coalition of American women’s groups has been trying to win federal approval for a lady version of ‘viagra’.

One campaign has been waged under the banner ‘Even the Score’. Groups also in the coalition included the National Council of Women’s Organizations, Jewish Women International and Nurse Practitioners in Women’s Health.

Their campaign accused the Food and Drug Administration council (F.D.A.) of gender bias because it had previously approved Viagra and other drugs to help men have sex while leaving women with nothing but sad little G-spots.

The ladies campaigns were brought together by a consultant to Sprout Pharmaceuticals, the developer of Flibanserin – the lady version of ‘the blues’.

Well war was waged and war was won!

Yes sir. On 18th August by a vote of 18-6, an advisory committee to the Food and Drug Administration said that they favoured approval of the drug.

So. In news that will be welcomed by women across the world it’s now been announced that the lady version of ‘the blues’ will be available this autumn.

Indeed. Following official approval by the F.D.A the sex drug Flibanserin (to be sold as Addyi) will be available in America on a prescription-only basis. A rival brand, Bremelanotide, will also be available.

Commerce is ecstatic as experts predict that the world market for ‘lady blues’ could be worth in excess of £1b a year. Wow… that’s a lot of global happiness.

Finally. Gift ideas. Why not take a troll through PornHub’s comprehensive Milf section this autumn. You’ll no doubt find everything there that a lonely ‘Grafenberg’ has ever needed.

Art Prints

Dismaland – The Trailer.


Dismaland: I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say anything bad about Banksy, not ever. He’s talented, he’s quiet, he creates interesting things, and once he even tipped a waiter.

Every time one of the world’s most famous women takes off her clothes it’s a visual laxative for the tabloid soul and therefore it’s newsworthy. So I have to give a begrudging tick of respect to Daily Mail today who have reported on how Banksy has released a dark and sinister trailer for his Dismaland exhibition.

Tickets to the exhibition went on sale yesterday. Banksy’s website was selling them for £3 but his site crashed (twice) due to heavy levels of traffic.

I dunno, exhibitions they’re everywhere right now. Whenever I’m at a modern art exhibition and people are murmuring the word ‘genius’ about a vagina shaped sack of sand resting on an upturned coffee cup, I don’t get it. I don’t want to get it. I just want to take my stupid tie off, grab a beer and watch some porn.

Dismaland is different. Banksy’s murals and installations are everywhere and they hold thought provoking messages for us all. His works make one think about our world and where it’s going. What are we doing with it and more importantly what are THEY doing with it?

The Dismaland experience makes me want to scream. Scream about the plastic bags that come floating across the ocean from those littering folk in NYC. I feel an irrational need to burn my girlfriend’s designer dresses on a fire of Greek coloured bank notes. I want to shout my protest about Hitler’s brain fluid being encased in the corporate strategies of greed.

That’s right, Dismaland makes me want to be a better global citizen.

I know, in the end I’ll probably do very little, other than moan and pay my tax bill a month in arrears – vat’ll lern ’em.

Anyway, here’s that trailer I mentioned.

Ricky Gervais v American Gun Lobby.

Ricky Gervais, American Gun Lobby,Twitter

Ricky Gervais. As you will have heard two young people were shot dead yesterday at a shopping plaza in America. They were journalists conducting an interview at the Bridgewater Plaza in Virginia.

WDBJ7 news station reporter Alison Parker, who was just 24, and her cameraman Adam Ward, 27 were both killed when ‘Bryce Williams’ – a disgruntled fellow employee of the station turned up at the interview and shot them both stone dead. He later died after turning his gun on himself.

I only need look at my status updates to know that pretty much everyone in the media now has an infallible diagnostic as to why these murders took place. Journalists across the world have penned 1,000 word essays about why Williams did what he did. They’ve all gleaned their information from the scant evidence available, social media and their own levels of genius.

Some have suggested that it was a long build up of dissociative psychosis, others that Williams felt he had been working in a racist monoculture for far too long. A couple or three whackjobs have suggested that he did these terrible deeds because his parents originally named him Vester Lee Flanagan the second.

So there’s your statistical correlation right there but the cold hard truth is simple. Another lunatic jumped out of his gimp closet, bought a gun and then shot two innocent people with it. Really, it’s that simple.

Last night because none of the tabloid newspapers were focused on what type of tampon Britney Spears is currently using comedian Ricky Gervais had nothing to read. So he took to his Twitter and spoke out against America’s crazy-assed gun laws, his hatred of bombs and dental floss.

Here’s what he had to say, “Shocked by the insanity of the Virginia shooting. My thoughts are with the loved ones and I hope we will find a solution to the madness that is guns.

Many of Ricky’s 10m followers saw that and tweeted ‘Me too!’

However not all agreed. Some dopey twat tweeted ‘guns aren’t the problem. Everyone who isn’t a killer should be allowed to have one.

Ricky responded. “Hahaha. Perfect.‘Guns don’t kill people. People do’ …. yeah, people with fucking guns!  ”

Then Ricky followed it up with this…

Ricky Gervais Twitter

So there you have it. The American Gun lobby in action. They’ll probably now start a petition to stop Ricky Gervais entering the United States. They’ll nail it to a tree like a wanted poster for the black Robin Hood.

I know, they’ve got guns, so they’re probably going to win this little contest.

Art Prints

Street Artists: Banksy v Robbo.

Street Artists,Banksy, robbo, graffiti, wars

Here’s the conundrum in dealing with street artists. Either they’re truly talented, in which case they’re  a self-obsessed, impossible, mood swinging pain in the ass. Or they’re not, in which case they’re a self-obsessed, impossible, mood swinging pain in the ass who’s also skint.

I don’t know how the pay-per-view system works for wall daubing street artists, but I do know they get paid a lot more than me.

I’ve often wondered if art magazines actually pay graffiti stars like Banksy and Robbo to express themselves in street murals so that they can write about them and thus feel more connected with the urban landscape into which they’ve rarely ventured.

I mean do they? Yes, of course they do. Why not.

All of that was stupid. Beyond stupid. Now might be a good time to mention that all that garbage above was written shortly after the paintings on my wall came to life and shouted “Get to the point Mike D.W”

Which brings me nicely round to this. Why would two street artists with more ego than sense go to war over a patch of dis-used nowhere land in South London?

Let me hand you over to a wall who’ll take it from here.

street artists,banksy-robbo-grafitti-fightI think the answer to this whole Banksy v Robbo situation is to have a man in a bathrobe follow them around with a rolled-up newspaper. If either of them do anything this bad again then they should get smacked across the snout.

If their behavior continues then they should be taken to the Battersea dog pound for a quick euthanizing.

Yes, then we’ll tell all their fans that they went to live on a farm. Or something.

Art Prints