Should Oscar Be Nominated For An Oscar?

by Mike D.W on April 15, 2014

Oscar Pistorius, trial,cross-examination,prosecutor,Gerrie,Nell,murder,charge,Reeva Steenkamp,Barry Roux,defence,Oscar Pistorius is still free to shoot up intruders tonight despite South Africa’s state prosecutor, Gerrie Nel finishing his cross examination of the para-olympian.

The court has listened to seven gruelling days of Oscar constantly breaking down and sobbing as he recounted his version of how Miss Reeva Steenkamp met her death behind a locked toilet door on February 13th last year.

After sitting Oscar in the witness box last week the prosecution immediately told him that they weren’t buying his “I thought she was a robba” story and then proceeded to spend hours and hours breaking down all of the evidence.

Oscar’s side of the story is that on the night of February 13th he woke up and went to close a sliding balcony door. Through tears and sobs he claimed that he heard a noise coming from the bathroom. Any normal person would assume that their girlfriend was taking her middle of the night wee, but not Oscar. He says that he got scared so grabbed his gun from under the bed (without noticing that Reeva wasn’t there) went to the bathroom and shouted, “Get out get out” before firing four bullets through the toilet door.

Oscar says that he then went back to the bed and suddenly realised that Reeva wasn’t in it. So he put on his legs, beat down the locked toilet door with a cricket bat, called the paramedics and then carried the dying Reeva downstairs. Oscar says she died in his arms.

Mr Nel thought that Oscar’s tearful sobs were simply playing to the audience, a ploy to get the court to believe his story. Over the next few days Mr Nel went on to show that Oscar’s story sounded like the greatest warp of reality since Lewis Carroll wrote Alice in Wonderland.

After listening to Mr Nel cross examine Oscar my brain is now filled with question marks about Oscar’s version of the truth. How could Oscar not see that Reeva wasn’t in the bed? Why didn’t she answer when he shouted at the toilet door? If Oscar was so worried about getting burgled, why did he sleep with a sliding door wide open? Why wasn’t his security system turned on?

IMO: I don’t think that Oscar has answered either the sliding door question, or for that matter any of the questions put to him by Mr Nel with anything related to the truth.

Mr Nel told the court that he believes Oscar had a violent rage filled row with Reeva and that she fled the bedroom to get away from him. This is why [he said] she locked herself in the toilet. When Oscar couldn’t get Reeva to open the door, it was then that he picked up his gun and shot through the door, ultimately killing her.

Mr Nel ended his cross-examination with a summary of why he thinks Oscar shot his girlfriend. He insisted that Oscar Pistorious killed Reeva Steenkamp deliberately after a rage filled argument.

“You fired four shots through the door whilst knowing that she was standing behind the door. She was locked into the bathroom and you armed yourself with the sole purpose of shooting and killing her.”

On the other hand Oscar’s defence barrister, Barry Roux says the premeditated murder charge is false and that his whole team are happy to believe their client’s “I thought there was an intruder locked behind the toilet door” story.

After hearing Mr Nel repeatedly accuse Oscar of tailoring his evidence to suit his story surely the court of public opinion has now returned a guilty verdict.

But you know what, we all know how this is going to play out. Judge Masipa will find Oscar not-guilty. Then Oscar will write a book called “Maybe I Did It” and then his defence lawyer’s daughters will start a reality show, At Home With The Rouxs.

 We’ve seen this happen before!


Was Coleen Rooney Abducted by Aliens?

by Mike D.W on April 15, 2014

Coleen Rooney,Littlewoods,swimwear,launch,aliens,Coleen Rooney and her husband Wayne both have exactly the same scar in exactly the same place and that can only mean one thing: they were both kidnapped by aliens, microchipped and then programmed to meet each other. Obviously.

Coleen tells The Mirror that when she was in junior school aliens beamed her up into their spaceship and then tagged her ass.

“You know, it’s funny because Wayne and I both met aliens before we met each other. We were both in different junior schools at the time. A few years later, when we met, we realised we’d both had the same experience. I think that somehow we were programmed to meet. We both have this scar. It’s the exact same scar on the exact same spot.” 

I bet that when the aliens slipped that chip up under her skin, Coleen let out one of her ear-burning laughs and the aliens immediately beamed her back down to Earth vowing never to subject themselves to that kind of torture ever again. Yes, Coleen saved us from an alien invasion!

But seriously folks, Coleen and Wayne weren’t TAKEN. Those bitches just freebased on too much super-glue when they were at school. Those scars are probably from bong burns. I’m also pretty sure that Kay Burley is now telling her therapist that she too was abducted by aliens. It would explain everything.

Anyway, what’s any of this got to do with Coleen’s new range of swimwear at Littlewoods? Nothing really, none of it’s true. I made it up.

Here’s your pictures.

Russians Steal Britain’s Heavenly Body Secrets.

by Celebrity Shade on April 15, 2014

Harley medical group,cosmetic surgery,records,stolen,patients,Russian,hackers,Amy Childs,Whenever a woman buys herself an insanely big pair of boobs, everybody mocks her. Everybody that is except her surgeon, her mum and me. Her surgeon got paid, her mum made a vow and I know that no sweeter love exists than between a man and a woman with huge pair of bazookas.

So that’s why most women like to keep their body enhancements a secret.

Imagine then the shock when The Harley Medical Group discovered that the cosmetic surgery records of nearly 500,000 of their patients had been stolen by Russian hackers and then used in a blackmail attempt.

The company has been forced to apologise after becoming aware of a breech to their internet security structure (last month) when somebody using a Russian email address gained access to their patients online registration system. The thieves managed to steel personal forms relating to procedures such as tummy tucks, boob jobs and liposuction along with clients’ names, ages, phone numbers and addresses.

A spokesperson for the company said:

“We became aware an individual had deliberately bypassed our website security, gaining access to contact information from initial enquiries in an attempt to extort money from the company.”

 Amy Childs, who’s made a mint from her cleavage was truly shocked.

“I think it’s awful. A lot of people like to keep procedures private. It’s usually because you’re not confident about your body and that’s why you change it.

If you’re in the public eye you have to discuss this, but if you’re not and it’s suddenly out there it must be terrible.”

(Via The Sun.)

So if you’re a small-chested waifish looking woman who wants to turn herself into a freakishly big breasted stripper then don’t give your personal information to billionaire surgeons.


BGT: Just How Wrong Can Katie Hopkins Get.

by Celebrity Shade on April 14, 2014

Katie Hopkins,Britain's Got Talent,Foreign contestants,compete,show,Katie Hopkins must have sent UKIP into a full-body tingle this weekend after she mentioned their name in a tweet which blasted Britain’s Got Talent for featuring too many foreigners.


Under BGT rules, anyone who has the right to live and work in the UK can apply to appear on the show. Among those taking part in Saturday night’s BGT were dance group Light Balance from the Ukraine, singer and violinist Peter Panduranga from Germany, drag artist Mzz Kimberley from the USA, drummer boy in-a-rotating-wheel Jerome Dehedin from France, Giorgio The King Of Karaoke from Greece and Pad Jones with her dance partner Nico Espinosa who is from Spain.

There’s a lot of things in life that really hurt. Like getting your dick-a-boo caught in your zip or chewing on aluminium foil, but there’s nothing that hurts quite like hearing a racist dismiss everything you’ve ever worked for simply because you’re not British. And that’s exactly what Katie Hopkins has done.

Simon Cowell defended the participants by saying:

“It makes it more of a contest. It’s Brits against the rest of the world.”

Who gives a damn about what Katie Hopkins thinks anyway? She’s a toxic gunk tongue away from being dragged off to quarantine. In fact most people I know hate everything she stands for and would rather force a screaming food mixer down their ear holes than listen to her voice pontificating all it’s nastiness.

by Admin on April 11, 2014


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