Today’s funny video comes to you courtesy of Rare Digital Art.com. Thanks to social media the trend of debuting your face on Instabook, Facewitter or Twitgram has now become something of an art form.
While some desperately try to convince themselves that their faces look fresh as the morning dew others just say, “screw it” and retire to a life of watching funny videos on NMi and shouting at their TV sets.
There’s no hope for them but lets face it what woman doesn’t want to look like one of those aloof models who constantly tweet hot pictures of themselves featured in an issue of Vogue, Hello or whoever.
The question is how do these models end up looking like that?
I mean seriously, you can dust yourself in baby powder, comb your hair with a silver trowel, say a peroxide prayer and roll about in Botox juice but nothing short of a facial rehabilitation program is going to make you look like Cindy Crawford winning a beauty pageant.
Well help is at hand. It comes in the form of Adobe’s Photo-Shop, the genius little program that can turn a face that looks like it’s been in a dog fight into the face of a sleeping angel.
Watch the photograph of this woman. She has a major period face with more blemishes on it than Katie Hopkins’ backside. However, with just a few quick clicks of a clever little mouse her picture is transformed into something a man could go to jail for.
Now don’t be jealous of these Photoshop skills, just watch them in action. This time lapse video takes just 90 seconds to show you what 6 hours of retouching can do.
Last Saturday Rio Ferdinand made us all hurt after tweeting about the sad death of his wife, Rebecca. She was the mother of his three children and he described her as his ‘soul mate’.
Rebecca passed away on Friday evening following a short battle with cancer. She was just 34 years-old.
And ever since then, our caring social media society has only been sharing heartwarming tributes to the brave mother of three.
Unfortunately, there are some assholes out there who clearly want a first-class ticket to hell. They’ve started trolling Rio Ferdinand’s Twitter account and posting some awfully rude shit about his wife’s untimely death.
It should be classified as a crime against humanity to throw beyond-the-grave insults at a man who has lost his wife to cancer. One user took to Twitter and claimed that Rebecca’s death had been some kind of ‘karma’ for Ferdinand’s race row with John Terry.
Another said that Rio’s wife dying was ‘better than winning the Premier League’ whilst another scum bag said, ‘This is what happens when you go against the mighty John Terry Ole Ole Ole’
Stay classy, humanity even Satan is asking, “Are you serious??”
When the black stone I call a heart tells me that something is so so sad then really, it is. We should all now hop on the internet and offer Rio a metaphorical group hug in the form of this touching poem from Antoine De Saint-Exupery. We should. Poor man.
After hearing how upset Rio was to receive these awful tweets, Twitter finally started pulling down the accounts of some of the more active trolls, causing everyone to cheer.
Yes, Twitter can kill a troll faster than a cat can lick it’s own ass.
Prodigious pussy hound Miley Cyrus knows exactly how to insert…(stop it)…. herself into the arms of the media in lighting quick style. She’s got some pink armpits that can deliver her message anywhere in the world in ten seconds flat.
Armpits check – boobs check – tongue check. Instgram check. Work up some tears and POP… the whole world pays attention.
Now there’s a celebrity game no politician on Earth can match.
Here’s the point.
Miley Cyrus has launched the Happy Hippie Foundation on Facebook in order to help homeless and LGBT young people. She’s also going to write some inspiring songs about love and acceptance that these poor teenagers can listen to while begging on the streets.
Because Miley has dabbled in the lesbian arts she says that she’s also going to help teen runaways who are gay.
This isn’t the time to ramble on about lesbians, is it? No. No it is not. Say something nice instead.
I love lesbians. Lesbians don’t rape each other. They’re nonviolent and highly valued members of our society. They don’t overpopulate the planet either. Yes, I love lesbians so please, stop throwing eggs at my house.
There. That was nice.
Miley Cyrus should solicit the help of Michelle Rodriguez or one of her scissoring ex-girlfriends like Cara Delevingne. Those two won’t be shy at coming forward to lend a ‘helping hand’. All they need is a yacht, some champagne and a broken heart.
Yes, crank up the lesbian cruise ship and set a course to save the world!
I’ve decided that in my next life I’m coming back as a beautiful reincarnation of Abbey Clancy. Sure, I’ll have to endure all the pawing and molestations from the paparazzi, but nothing a little laughing gas won’t cure.
When you’re pretty you can do whatever you like. Right through to my forties the whole world is going to be my golden pulsating oyster.
And decisions. I’ll have to make a few. Work, don’t work. Marry a professional footballer, don’t marry one. Have children, don’t have children. Go out and buy a big pointy nose like the one Jody Marsh has. You have to be born with a nose like that. After all I wouldn’t want to be cursed by a gypsy witch.
I’ll give coy seductive glances for the cameras like Ed Millband. I’ll stand around in slutty clothes and show off my tits. I’ll push my tongue against the inside of my mouth and then bend over. It’ll get me in all the papers.
I’ll probably drink a lot. But people will cover for my addictions. My agent will pick me up and make me pretty for the cameras again. There’s no royal princess that ever had the power of a beautiful woman with a killer ass.
And yes, I’ll have my picture taken with Britney Spears and Sir Richard Brandon. We’ll be together at last. We’ll have so much to talk about.
That’s me, that’s who I’m coming back as. Abbey Clancy. Or Pippa Middleton.
Without intelligence there wouldn’t be stupidity and without stupidity there wouldn’t be that funny video below.
So the world needs stupid people after all. If you don’t believe me then press play.
I’m surprised a bulldozer didn’t come and knock these men down thinking they were a disaster zone.
I think that a lot of the time we don’t pay enough attention to stupid people. We assume stupid people just act like idiots because that’s the way they are. I’m guilty of doing the odd stupid thing myself from time to time. I mean look at that last sentence.
Being stupid is a natural human condition. It exists everywhere. Scientists now believe that the primary function of female breasts are to make men feel stupid.
There’s a difference between Katie Price having a team of Adobe scientists heckling the wrinkles off her shrunken fat head for a Twitter candid and someone at a magazine making Kelly Brook’s body look so perfect you could do yourself a mischief.
But why not, if a woman has to be a sex object then why not make her the sleekest shiniest sex object of them all?
And yes that’s right, I’m more of a feminist than most women, and it kills them.
Anyway Kelly Brook is famous. If she were Dame Judy Dench famous, then she could do a little Shakespearian dance for the paparazzi. But she’s not, she’s Kelly Brook, famous for her legs boobs and body, so why not show them off whenever there’s a camera about? [click to continue…]