Thousands of people gathered on a beach in Barbados and watched as Jodie Marsh shook her unsightly pair of misaligned flap jacks (see above) and married James Placido, a chap who might yet prove to be something of an idiot.
Some of you have noticed that for some time I’ve put my umbrella of hate away and have not thrown a single shit ball at celebrities for behaving like big manqué messes. Some of you have asked why this should be. Well let’s not explain it here. Instead, let’s say nothing. Explaining stuff only complicates things and let’s face it… that can never end well.
OK then.. for those of you that prefer celebrity culture to the world of pop-art lets go with a ‘Say Something Nice’ post. It seems like forever since we’ve had one.
This is where I try to say something nice about a celebrity. Today it’s Jodie Marsh. That’s her above. Instead of making fun of that rubber looking face let’s say something nice about it.
Lets say nothing about her parched cleavage which looks like it just came out of a deep fat fryer. Lets say nought about her fake lashes that look like they were plucked off of the wings of a baby owl. And lets utter nothing about that face paint which looks like it was slapped on by the same foolish mortician who covered Katie Hopkins’ face in twenty coats of fug.
No. Let’s not focus on any of those things and focus only on the positive. Yes, say something nice.
Just for once…. ummm, errrr….
Firstly, I’m going to applaud Jody for qualifying for the Olympic Triple Nipple Jump. Well done dear.
Secondly, I’m also going to say something nice about that wonderful nose. He new husband would probably like to bounce up and down on that nose. Mind you that’s only because Jodie’s nose looks like a short little dick with a mushroom head and anything that looks like that has to be a good thing, right?
On the other hand it might just make James think about his failing flopper and that would be grounds for instant divorce!
Finally, I’d ike to say something nice about Jodie Marsh’s….I’m sorry wots this? She got married three months ago? Really? Well, that makes this ‘say something nice’ post a bit of a waste of time… doesn’t it.
Damn. I’ve lost again.