SCOTLAND: Why The YES Campaign Really Failed.

by Mike D.W on September 19, 2014

in Entertainment

Scottish referendum - #indyref-Barbie-Bank notes-currency-vote-fail-Barbie-Ross-Alex Salmond-scotlandI know this isn’t exactly BREAKING NEWS this morning but for all you die-hard Scottish independence fans out there who are wondering what caused the YES campaign to go so very wrong last night, well it’s all because of this man here:

Name: Ross Somethingorother
Birthday: 1989
Age: 26
Claim to Fame: Ross is the #1 male Barbie in Scotland. Ross believes that you can never be too orange, you can never wear enough makeup and your kilt can never be too short.

Had Scotland voted to leave the union last night then Ross’s organic orange face was going feature on the back of a new Scottish ten pound note. Yes, Scotland would have had it’s own money that the Scots could have spent in the shops just like real money.

An independent Scottish government were going to put a “president” face on the front their notes and naturally that president’s face would have been Alex Salmond’s.

Well, here’s where things went a bit wrong. On the back of the notes the original idea was to have a man running away with an oil drum but then someone thought it might be a better to having the face of that handsome gent in the sassy tie you see above.

Had Ross appeared before the BBC cameras standing back to back with Alex Salmond then they’d have looked like that bank note and the YES vote would surely have prevailed.

But where was Ross last night when Scotland really needed him? Ross was either doing himself with a bronzer stick or at the doctors being treated for foundation poisoning.

Wherever he was, Ross punished Scotland last night by not appearing with Alex Salmond to rally the Scottish into voting YEEEEES!

(and yes of course I made this nonsense up)

prince Harry,-Cressida Bonas-sex tape-reunited-girlfriend-cinema-kensington palaceCressida Bonas (which is a skin condition in Japan) and Prince Harry made a public appearance together last night when they went to the cinema to watch a film called Sex Tape. There, Prince Harry, Cressida Bonas and Sex Tape all in the same sentence. The search engines are gonna love this.

Anyway, Prince Harry and Cressida Bonas watching Sex Tape together? What I really want to know is did Harry ‘Bonass’ Cressida in the back row? People do that in cinemas you know, really they do. I’ve been refreshing the BBC’s site all morning and I haven’t see any reports of a flooding at a cinema, so it seems that Cressida managed to save her lady place for later in the evening.

The Sun are reporting this one and they’re saying that the pair left the cinema in separate cars – which both drove straight back to Kensington palace. The clever tabloid also found a source who told them “It’s early days for Harry but he knows that she’s the one”

Y’know what? I’m delighted, at least he’s not dating that polystyrene peanut Pippa Middleton.

Oh Dear Another Photoshop Fail From Beyonce.

by Mike D.W on September 17, 2014

in Entertainment

Beyonce,photoshop,thighs,fail,funny,tumblr,picture,If you stumbled into Beyonce’s bedroom you might catch her eating a hedgehog or telling a giant glow worm that it will feel nothing when she stabs it with a painted talon.

Seriously, this woman is madder than a Madagascan monkey and if she thinks that she can hoodwink every smart-ass on the Internet into believing that those thighs are the real deal then her foolish trollopness knows no bounds.

In that picture (above) which Beyonce sent out to her fans via Tumblr earlier today, it’s supposed to show her super slim thighs. But it’s messed up. What it really shows is the horror of incompetence that lurks behind her inability to master Photoshop. I mean look at that step between her legs for example.

That being said if Beyonce wants to airbrush her thighs so badly that she looks like she’s been filtered with a gallon of distemper then that’s entirely up to her.

Yes, fill your boots honey, but seriously now those thighs look like they’ve been lipo’d with a rusty vacuum cleaner.

The Peoples Of Facebook Rather Like Alex Salmond.

by Social Shade on September 17, 2014

in Social Media

Alex Salmond,Scotland,referendum,social,media,campaign,beats,Alistair Darling,yes,No,vote,Facebook,likes,interactions,Over the last few weeks more than 10million people have talked about the Scottish referendum on Facebook, research has found. So, Facebook have decided to add an “I’m a voter” button on the news feeds of all those who are eligible to vote in tomorrows referendum.

Elizabeth Linder, Facebook’s big boss for politics and government issues in Europe said:

“In just a month we’ve seen the referendum debate come to life on Facebook, with over 10m posts, comments and likes relating to the debate.

Studies show that when people see their Facebook friends talking about voting, they are more likely to vote themselves. We hope the ‘I’m a Voter’ button will make it easy for voters to share that they are taking part in the referendum at the end of months of debate and discussion.”

So far Alex Salmond has attracted more than 700,000 interactions but the leader of the Better Together campaign, Alistair Darling has only had 250,000.

After the referendum Alex has said that he’ll take a well earned break from social media. I wonder how long he’ll be able to go without liking pictures of people’s pets, scrolling through selfies and searching for hashtags like #doghumpglory? I mean can he do it? Possibly. Will he get withdrawal symptoms? Well, maybe.

If a man as selfie-obsessed as Alex Salmond can stop counting the “likes” on his smartphone and reading incoherent Facebook comments from the Lock Ness monster then anything’s possible for Scotland. Really, it is.

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