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Barack Obama Told To STFU.

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As you will have heard Barack Obama has been attending a global economic summit in Kenya. While he was there the Kenyan people fell in love with him.

The Kenyans just loved his speeches about Islamic nastiness, terrorism, corruption and starvation. They also admired his stance on family, freedom, fornication, equality and human rights for all.

Good old Bob Ama, kicking ass about an AIDS run rampant and all the barbaric things people have done in the name of religion. Crusades, Inquisition and radical Islam etc.

Yes, you can understand why everyone in Kenya fell in love with Barack Obama. Except for the country’s Christian clergymen that is. No, they’re not impressed with Barack Obama. Not at all.

Ministers representing more than ten million practicing Christians have joined together and penned an open letter to Barack Obama. telling him to STFU.

In their letter they tell the American President that Kenya has no need of gay people. They absolutely don’t want Kenya to end up like the United States of America where people bugger each other up the ass just for fun.

Here’s a snippet:

“We do not want him to come and talk on homosexuality in Kenya or push us to accepting that which is against our faith and culture. 

Let him talk about development; let him talk about cooperation, let him talk about the long-time relationship Kenya has had with America. But about our beliefs and culture– keep off!”

(Via: CBS News)

It’s still pretty illegal to be openly gay in Kenya as it is in 37 African countries where colourful robes and aids run rampant through the streets. In fact, Kenya’s penal code says that anyone “who has carnal knowledge of any person against the order of nature” will spend 14 years in jail.

Given all the terrible problems that plague the world’s shittiest continent, it seems a tad out of order to focus a letter writing campaign on anti-gay bigotry.

Lets face it, you shouldn’t go after a man when he has a microphone in his hand and a global audience hanging on his every word.

But anyway, if we’re talking priorities here then perhaps Barack Obama should ignore these pastoral idiots and start trolling ISIS accounts on Twitter.

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Cara Delevingne – Americas Least Wanted.

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Cara Delevingne is trying to establish herself as a big-ass actress. She’s currently on a promotional tour of America telling anyone who’ll listen that the film Paper Towns is her Oscar in waiting.

However when Cara appeared on Good Day Sacramento news anchors Marianne McClary, Ken Rudulph and Mark S Allen skipped past the “You’re so talented” part of the interview and cut straight to the “Why don’t you piss-off ” part instead.

Well that’s right everyone. These news anchors were having none of Cara’s, “I don’t know where my talent comes from but I’m living the dream” gush so they called her out and cut the interview short.

You can hear how it ended in the clip below.

If establishing herself as a household name in bitch-punching with a viral video to boot was Cara’s objective then she’s now a huge success. Everyone can enjoy a video like this one. It’s like a silent movie where Cara ties her career to a safe and then throws it off a roof.

I mean really. Right now Cara couldn’t be more disliked by America had she tipped an invalid out of a wheelchair.

Oh I don’t know it’s no big deal, if anything this video makes Cara Delevingne seem more human, which is something she lacks these days.

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Cecil The Lion – Rest In Peace.

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Walter Palmer got a little bored with dentist-ing in Minnesota so he swapped a day pulling teeth for a day killing, skinning and then beheading Cecil the Lion, Africa’s largest cat.

If you can understand why someone wants to be a dentist in the first place then you’ll understand why all kinds of cruel are possible. Ask Walter, he knows all about cruelty, barbarity, brutality and savagery.

Yes, good old Walter Palmer. He paid £35,000 to a local game hunter to help him lure Cecil the Lion away from the sanctuary of the Hwange National park in Zimbabwe. Together they dragged a dead animal behind their Jeep and Cecil the Lion followed them. That’s the equivalent of a two pedophiles driving an ice cream van.

Once they were away from the park, Walter Palmer took a bow and arrow and then shot Cecil the Lion with it.

You definitely don’t want this guy as your dentist because when Walter fired his bow and arrow he failed to hit any of Cecil the Lion’s vital organs. So Cecil the Lion died a slow and painful death. Like one of those deaths you see in a PETA video.

Well now everyone is pissed off to hell. The Zimbabwe government, social media, Demi Moore, Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand and of course every newspaper on Earth.

Everyone wants Walter Palmer’s nasty ass hunted down and thoroughly spanked. Twitter is running a boycott of Palmer’s dental practice. And Joanna Lumley has poured a breakfast vodka in memory of poor Cecil the former lion. And I’m in tears.

So here we are…. one click away from Africa’s larget lion. Rest in Peace, Cecil the Lion.

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Katie Hopkins and Euthanasia Vans.

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The Katie Hopkins cultural pollution tour continues. This week it visited the Radio Times. In a sparklingly stupid interview Mrs Hopkins said that she is “super-keen on euthanasia vans” as there are “far too many old people” still living in Britain today.

In the interview with Michael Buerk, our attention seeking hate troll was asked what she would do “If Katie Hopkins ruled the world”.

Her response?

“Right… We just have far too many old people. It’s ridiculous to be living in a country where we can put dogs to sleep but not people.

The solution is easy. Euthanasia vans – just like ice-cream vans – that would come to your home… It would all be perfectly charming. They might even have a nice little tune they’d play. I mean this genuinely.

I’m super-keen on euthanasia vans. We need to accept that just because medical advances mean we can live longer, it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.”

(Via: Radio Times)

I don’t know what to say. Really I don’t. Katie Hopkins is running out of things to lose at. Just the sight of her contrived demonic face (see above) instinctively makes you want to locate the neighbourhood children and confirm their safety.

Hopkins is known for being a ton of shit who receives extensive media coverage because the nation overwhelmingly hates her. She is the perfect pin-up girl for the psychotically insane.

It should be interesting to see who Mrs Hopkins hate slaps in her weekly column in the Sun this week. It’s due out on Friday.

Or is it?

Maybe after this Mrs Hopkins’ time as a Sun columnist will be brought to an end. After all no newspaper can stand idly by while an evangelical style redneck alienates it’s entire readership.

Who knows, we’ll have to wait and see but don’t worry Mrs Hopkins, you’ll be ok, Kim Jong Un probably needs a few new pastors over in North Korea.

Source: Guardian

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Lord Sewel Had Lofty Sex With BBC Star.

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The Sun newspaper has discovered the cause of earthquakes at the House of Lords: Lord Sewel, slutty women, adultery and fornication. And you thought it was shifting tectonic plates? Oh, silly you.

In their latest tale of rough tumble and sleeze the Walmart of the newspaper industry has continued to report on that hobbit looking coke fiend, Baron Buttifant Sewel.

Today they’ve revealed how the 69 year-old peer of the realm claimed that he humped a married BBC star on a dirty old mattress in his attic.

The paper writes:

Lord Sewel spotted a married BBC star on TV as he romped with two hookers and bragged: “I had her in the attic.”

The disgraced peer made the claim during a cocaine-and-sex party at his rent-protected flat

Sewel, 69, calmly blurted out, “I f***** her”, before making his attic boast to the call girls. 

He first spilled the beans two years ago — but the topic came up again last Wednesday as he enjoyed drug-fuelled sex games at his home in Pimlico, central London. 

Married Sewel was so eager to talk of his adultery, he even spelled out the name of his famous lover. 

He described the alleged tryst as a “one-off shag” — because “she was happily married”. 

He also proudly revealed the programme she works on.

The Sun last night approached the woman named by Lord Sewel as his lover. She said: “This is categorically untrue.”

Because the lady has denied all knowledge of the event she therefore remains unnamed.

I mean wot! A BBC presenter refusing to talk about an auspicious event in history other than to deny that it ever took place? This is exactly why politics, newspapers and the BBC need to be kept apart.

Seriously, there can be nothing worse than a BBC presentress who needs to be reminded of the underlying principles of her chosen trade. And yes, I do understand why a ‘former journalist’ would prefer to interview a peer of the realm over a free coq au vin rather than have to suck his nuts in an attic. But still.

Because the lady in question has plenty of chums in the legal profession who will feign interest in any publisher who fails the reasonable persons test and inadvertently names their client, I won’t even suggest to you who she is. No sir. Not a word.

In the meantime Lord Sewel continues to own this scandal like a poster boy for sexually incompetent pensioners. Tally Ho Woof!

Bobbi Kristina Has Died.

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Whitney Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown is now in heaven. Yesterday afternoon Bobbi Kristina took the hand of an angel and was led up through the clouds to be reunited with her mother in the place of eternal peace. Bobbi Kristina died peacefully at the Peachtree Christian Hospice in Duluth, Georgia. She was just 22.

At the end of January, her brother/husband/boyfriend, Nick Gordon found Bobbi Kristina laying face down in a bathtub. She was rushed to hospital and put on a life support machine. Later she was placed in an induced coma. Bobbi Kristina stayed at the hospital for the next two months before her devastated family moved her to a rehabilitation center.

Last month, Bobbi Kristina was moved into a hospice after doctors said there was nothing more they could do and that her condition was getting worse. The family then took her off all medication.

The District Attorney has reportedly been investigating Nick Gordon, because he thinks Nick may have had something to do with why Bobbi Kristina lost consciousness lost in the first place. In a lawsuit Bobbi Kristina’s conservator has accused Gordon of stealing her money, physically abusing her and pretending to be her husband.

The Houston family said that Bobbi Kristina was surrounded by her family when she floated away to heaven. They released this statement.

“She is finally at peace in the arms of God. We want to again thank everyone for their tremendous amount of love and support during these last few months.”

Rest in peace, Bobbi Kristina.