If you want to launch a classic womans fragrance that brings style, sophistication and polish then you’re going to need an advertising agency, some moody selfies and a video clip with a fresh perspective.
Take a page out of the shameless fame whore guide by sending your husband off to the local Spy Shop to buy a high-tech surveillance camera. Then get him to install it in your loo.
Now, sit your ass down and let the camera do the work. It will record all your stomach growls while you chomp raw toilet paper like it was something out of Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipe book.
When you’ve finished making a complete mess of yourself put the film in a parcel along with your selfies and then Fed-Ex it to your advertising agency.
Voila! Eau De Toilet- by Kim Kardashian.
I’ll have to wait till I get really stoned to understand any of that, but I’m sure it’s the only explanation I have as to why Kayne West would install loo cams in the bathrooms of his house.
After being handcuffed for slapping asses, smoking and acting insane during a musical on Broadway last month smellard smellbag Shia LaBeouf found himself standing before a judge in the Manhattan Criminal Court today.
The smellarocious actor was facing charges of harassment, disorderly conduct and criminal trespass for allegedly yelling abuse and slapping actors during their opening performance of ‘Cabaret‘ on June 26.
In court the actor spoke only to confirm his name and nodded as the charges were read out to him.
His lawyer, G. Robert Gage told the judge that he and the prosecutor were still trying to work out an agreement so the case was adjourned until September 10th.
Damn it’s turning into a slow news day, Fleet Street should be shut down and prosecuted to the furthest extent of the law for making celebrities look like fish.
I knew this day would come and now it’s finally here, just in time for the end of the world. I’ve read every inch of the gossip columns today and now I’m covering the story of a former girl bander who opened a restaurant in Gatwick’s south terminal.
I’m about to write about Nicola Roberts and how her public engagements are so full of desperation that I just want to slather her in peri-peri sauce and eat her whole. All in the name of ‘gossip-in-limbo’ you understand.
This BREAKING NEWS story was first reported by the mailonline at around midnight and then I picked it up this morning. Congratulations to us all.
Most us know that the mailonline creates some major shit bombs (see: Chilli Sauce Kills Donkey) but their source on this story failed to tell them that whilst opening a new Nandos restaurant at Gatwick airport yesterday, Nicola Roberts not only trashed the last of her relevancy but she also suffocated in the ladies toilet after one of her freckled poops exploded.
And there’s my explanation for Hot Flush of the Day!
Now if you’ll excuse me I have better things to do with my life today….
Today The Sun’s front page looks like that picture above as they report on the inquest into the sad death of Peaches Geldof which happened last April.
When her death was first reported everyone said that no trace of the baddest of all bad – heroin – was found anywhere in Peaches’ house but that the police suspected somebody had gotten rid of any drugs/paraphernalia before the cops had showed up.
Yesterday a coroner told an inquest in Gravesend, Kent that those reports were all wrong and that Peaches’ death had only happened because she’d taken an overdose of heroin.
The inquest was told that Peaches was a hopeless heroin addict and that she’d been using for several years before her death. Apparently when the police searched her home they did find drugs and associated paraphernalia including burnt spoons, syringes and hundreds of pounds worth of ‘high quality’ heroin.
The inquest also heard that during a post-mortem examination puncture marks were found on the front of Peaches’ right elbow and more on the front of her right thigh.
If you check in the ashtray of your car and count the loose change you keep in there you’ll probably find that you have about half of NMi’s picture budget for the entire month. This is why I’m grateful to the anonymous Reddit user who sent in this picture below, sad though it is.
The question mark has now been erased over the cause of poor Peaches’ death, her messy antics are over. She’d been doing that dragon chasing shit, she fucked around with an insanity just for a quick second. Her life ended in a puddle of vomit on the floor.
Rest in Peace – Peaches Geldof.