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David Buchanan,guilty,sex with dog,newsmediaimages.com

David Buchanan: Contrary to popular opinion being depraved isn’t limited to a name like Jimmy Savile’s. Nope, sometimes a name like David Buchanan will do.

This story is about a very sick individual who had sex with his girlfriend’s dog and sent her live video of his despicable act.

Statistically speaking there’s more chance of getting lucky with Teresa May than there is of humping on a dog. I mean, lets face it dogs don’t like that sort of thing and neither should humans.

However, depraved sicko David Buchanan from Swindon is one of those unique individuals who not only humped a dog but got caught in the act of doing so.

It’s true. The Daily Star are reporting this one today and in their gruesome article they explain how Buchanan romped with this girlfriend’s pet Rhodesian Ridgeback as he watched porn at home. And yes, obviously his partner was out at work.

Buchanan also thought it would be simply great if he made a video nasty. So he filmed his perverted sex act on the couple’s iPad. What his stupid ass didn’t realise was that the iPad was linked to his girlfriend’s mobile phone.

When her phone bleeped at work the poor woman was absolutely horrified. She immediately called the police and told them that her boyfriend was engaged in a sexual act with her pet dog.

In court the police said that when they arrived at the address the suspect greeted them at the door while continuing to touch the dog in a sexual manner. He then declared that he was bipolar. The cops might have been more sympathetic had they not been vomiting.

So David Buchanan of Royal Wootton Bassett in Wiltshire (I include his near address just in case your find yourself picking him on match.com) was arrested on a charges of gross lewdness and the poor dog was handed over to the RSPCA.

Swindon Magistrates’ Court found Buchanan guilty as charged and gave him a 12-week jail sentence suspended for two years. He was also made to register as a sex offender, given 50 days of rehabilitation, charged £85 in costs and made to give the poor dog an £80 victim surcharge.

Tough life being a dog.

X Factor: Olly Murs & Caroline Flack Present.

Olly Murs,Caroline Flack,X Factor,NewsMediaImages.com

The ratings for ‘X Factor’ were a tad disappointing last year to say the least. One problem may have been too much giggling and too many accents. And so the all girls and everyone from Newcastle is going to get fired.

Dermot O’Leary, who has hosted the show for many years is the first to go. Announcing his departure on Twitter recently Dermot muttered something about an X Factor host being like “a conductor on the most brilliant, runaway train in showbiz.”

What Dermot didn’t say was why he was leaving the X Factor. I think he got sacked but who knows, who cares, the important thing now is who gets his job.

Well, there’s hot news on that burning issue today. From the Guardian of all people. They’re saying that Dermot’s X Factor replacement/s will be Olly Murs and Caroline Flack.

Caroline has previously hosted ITV2 spin-off show The Xtra Factor alongside Murs and Simon Cowell has described them as a “brilliant double act.” Presumably that is why they’ve both going to be presenting the next series of X Factor.


Actually I think the snide comments by Google Translate about Caroline’s looks are uncalled for – I seriously hate those people almost as much as I hate tattoos.

Speaking of tats. Take a look at this mess (below) from the woman with the biggest nips in show biz, Amanda Holden. Amanda has had Simon Cowell’s face permanently inked onto her thigh.

Amanda Holden,Tattoo,Simon Cowell, BGT,NewsMediaImages.com

This WOMAN! She sure as hell knows how to keep her strumpet sized ass sitting in the chair of mindless judgements.

Yes, Amanda knows that every time an unknown mormon granny warbles her way onto Britain’s Got Talent her boss, Simon Cowell has to look down. He always does. And what will he see from now on?

That’s right, he’ll see a Simon Cowell ‘upskirt’ winking up at him from Amanda’s wide open thighs.

In any world other than unreality TV having your boss’s face tattooed onto your leg would get you surrounded by men with nets and then you’d end up sectioned to the nearest loony bin. This is what comes of slutty in the real world.

But this is not the real world this is SHOW BUSINESS  and “show business is like no business I know…. ”

Oh FFS what’s the matter with me today.

Katie Hopkins On Immigrants.

Katie Hopkins,immigrants,rants,column,The Sun,Newsmediaimages.com

Katie Hopkins – What are we going to do with this nasty female racist?

Katie Kopkins is a floppy-jowled, middle class spokeswoman for everything that’s wrong in this world. She isn’t easy to handle at the best of times but someone, please, tell me she’s replaceable.

As this pontificating super-prat continues to whisper her nasty comments on Twitter about gays, immigrants and the poor many of you won’t have read her hate pimping column in the Sun newspaper. That’s because you haven’t paid your Sun Membership fees, right?

I’m guessing that nobody at The Sun saw that a woman whose first name is a variation of the words ‘N I Take In Posh’ might have some unkind words to say about her minority countrymen. Or, more likely, they did.

In advance of last night’s leaders debate Katie correctly guessed that the subject of immigration would come up. This needed some serious thinking. When Katie had finished ‘finking’ she sat down and put pen to paper.

Here’s a selection of her nasties which were printed in the Sun’s Katie Hopkins column yesterday.

“Make no mistake, these migrants are like cockroaches.”

“It’s time for the Italians to stop singing opera, drinking espresso and looking chic in chuffing everything.”

“This plague of feral humans….”

“Threaten them with violence until they bugger off…”

“Bring on the gunships, force migrants back to their shores and burn the boats.”

“Don’t like it? Best throw yourself a pity party then.”

Maybe Katie Hopkins and her unsavoury mouth should be treated to some kind of bondage? Tie her to a whipping post with a ball stuck in her mouth. Do it live, on camera, after 9pm naturally.

That ought to teach her a lesson in STFU.

Nicola Sturgeon Should be Boss.

Nicola Sturgeon-Leadersdebate,newsmediaimages.com

Plaid Cymru – Leanne Wood SNP – Nicola Sturgeon Greens – Natalie Bennett

Nicola Sturgeon had only been a dental hygienist for about a month (she was a dancer and model before that) when Alex Salmond walked in to have a tooth out. Three months later Nicola was a member of the Scottish Parliament, because Scotland is awesome. (Shockingly, this has now come back to haunt Alex Salmond).

(And yes of course I made that last paragraph up, I want to see if Nicola will get cross with me and then scold my lying ass.)

Nicola Sturgeon was in London last night, debating with some leaders. That means she was fighting with Ed Milliband, embarrassing Nigel Farage, ignoring Natalie Bennett and generally conducting herself like a world leader on steroids.

The debate was screened live on the BBC so Twitter ran a #leadersdebate hashtag and we all made silly comments. It was fun while it lasted.

After it was over The BBC conducted a snap poll. Who had won? Ed Milliband came out on top.

In the survey of 1,013 viewers conducted by Survation 35% judged Milliband the winner, 31% said Nicola Sturgeon, 27%  Nigel Farage, 5% for Natalie Bennett and 2% for Leanne Wood. The Scottish part of the survey gave a resounding victory to Nicola Sturgeon – 68%, to Ed Miliband’s 17%.

Maybe Nicola Sturgeon really could become our Prime Minister. I mean really, there’s no way she’s any dumber or dishonest than the buffoons we have running the government now.

I would absolutely vote for her. Any woman who looks like Nicola Sturgeon can have any job she likes; Prime Minister, brain surgeon, airline pilot, I truly don’t care.

Another thing:

I don’t know anybody above the age of four who thinks a politician tells the truth. We all know politicians are largely drunken louses who have failed at real jobs and found that their blind ambitions and ease of lying has left them fit for no other position.

And another thing:

I always assume that when politicians are not busy screwing something really important up they spend their time sexting and watching porn. Think of all the stupid shit David Cameron has done because he’s busy stroking himself in a chat room. Think he has time for a big old ban on tax avoidance schemes? Not when his BDSM role play game is at the gagging stage he’s not.

One thing more:

For all their lovable antics the men in politics have had their day. I have to wash my hands of them. Surely when you’re wasted and high as a kite on a daily basis (Nigel Farage, I’m looking at you) then you’re going to commit some seriously misguided acts.

I was more than fine with them back in the 80’s grabbing a secretarial ass or falling down like big fat funny men (Neil Kinnock) but their extraordinarily stupid behaviour ever since hasn’t served to inspire anyone in our green and pleasant land. Quite the reverse.

Yes, like most things in life male politicians sound too good to be true. They’ve had their turn, they’ve screwed it up so now it’s time to hand power to the ladies.

So, on to those lovely leading ladies. I have but one question for you readers. Which one of the above was wearing sexy black lingerie last night?

Katie Price: Twitter Twat Tweets.

Katie Price,Twitter,Garter,Tattoo,NewsMediaImages.com

Katie Price is a jack-of-all-trades, she’s a model, she’s a singer, an author, an actress and, most importantly, she’s a woman who used to have extremely large breasts.

Like most celebrities without much talent, Katie has her own Twitter account, because lets face it who wouldn’t want to exchanges tweets with a woman famous for posing nude?

I can understand why people want to tweet with Katie Price. She seems so highly accomplished, educated and just as smart and ambitious as you like. Yes, tweeting with Katie Price will make you feel her true equal. [click to continue…]

Gravity Glue And Cupping.

Gravity Glue,Michael Grab,stones,balancing,newsmediaimages.com

Gravity Glue: Three weeks ago I asked Google how to meditate and this amazing video came up.

The reason I was asking Google about meditation was that I was getting a little nervous about an upcoming meeting. The worry was destroying me. I needed to give my mind a break, sleep a little, defie gravity, walk on air. I had to stop obsessing about this wretched meeting.

I thought about getting stoned. Then I’d sleep. I thought of mainlining Viagra directly into my veins. Then I could shag myself to sleep. Then I thought about the power of Tibetan meditation like Richard Gere practices. And no, shoving a small woodland mammal up my rectum never crossed my mind.

In the end I did none of those things and gave up the idea of meditation – but not before I’d seen that amazing video below.

What I did instead was to shock my entire system back into life with a new diet. Special Pu-erh tea from China, homemade soups, smoothies made from fresh fruit. No alcohol, no bread, no gluten and lactose free milk. [click to continue…]