There comes a time in every toy-boy’s life when his mistress slips him his bus fare and packs him a suitcase for the road. And that time has come for Madonna’s 26 year-old dancing trotter, Timor Steffens.
It’s true. An inside voice spoke to US Weekly yesterday and confirmed that Madge and Timor are done.
“Madonna politely asked Timor to take his luggage and leave. He packed up and said they were done.”
(Via: US Weekly)
The insider doesn’t explain the reason behind the split, but something must have happened to break the spell. Some will blame it on supernatural forces working against such an unhallowed of couplings. Others will say that it was bound to happen the first time Madonna wanted to have sex with the lights on.
Of course there will be those who assume that Madge dumped Timor because, after nine months of asking him, “What’s your name again?” her geriatric lady parts needed a break from the whole sorry assed business.
Either which way, you should look out for Madonna in the tribal lands of North Africa this Christmas where she’ll be looking to pick up a new baby and a toy-boy on a two-for-one deal.
When Melanie Sykes married Jack Cockings back in May of last year her parents pulled black veils over their faces, closed all the curtains and refused to go out, because they were too ashamed to be related to a Cockings.
By November of the same year they were able to open the curtains and hold their heads up high again because Melanie had slapped that Cockings out of her home and far far away.
Unfortunately for Melanie slapping Cockings out of her home got her arrested and subsequently given a police caution for common assault. The story quickly spread everywhere and has remained a constant reminder to Melanie of what a giant disappointment she has been to her parents.
The news broke last night that Melanie has taken the police to court because she was fearful that her good name was being permanently linked to domestic violence. She told the court that Cockings had made that slap stuff up because he wanted the media to give him some attention. She said she was NOT GUILTY of slapping a Cockings.
It’s not clear if the judge demanded to see Melanie’s original polygraph test but what is clear is that court believed her. Melanie’s police caution has now been withdrawn and deleted from the records.
Reputation restored! Here’s Melanie’s lawyer;
“This has been a testing time for Melanie.
“She believed strongly that it was necessary and appropriate to take legal action – not least for the sake of her children.”
I really want to throw money at my laptop because I want to own Melanie’s polygraph results. But I’m going to wait. Eventually Melanie will have to take another polygraph test after that Keniro chap presses charges against her for doing whatever she’s doing to him in that picture above. I’d rather own those results instead (not really).
If you’re squinting at the picture above and thinking to yourself that Nicola McLean has just middle fingered her gigalo husband Tom Williams, that’s not what she doing. No, this is an outtake from the new “Keep Calm And Carry On” poster.
I made that up, of course Nicola’s middle fingering her soon to be ex-husband. And who can blame her?
After telling Tom that he’s a disgusting shameless man-tramp who broke their marriage with his bull dozing genitals, Nicola has now told Reveal magazine all about him.
Here’s an extract from her interview. This is the part where Nicola suggests that she is about to file divorce papers and legally make Tom her ex-husband:
“I’ve known my marriage has been over for months, but I’ve been fighting it. I’m the lowest I’ve ever felt. Everyone sees me as a strong, hard-faced bitch, when actually I’m just an insecure girl who wanted her marriage to work.
I’m not perfect, but I’ve been 100 per cent faithful to my husband, marriage and children, and I can take that away from this.”
(Via: Reveal Magazine)
Y’know, if only Twitter came in 3D. That picture above would then fill the room with hate-eyes, middle fingers, spitting, plate-smashing and burning jumpsuits.
Yes Twitter, 3D way to go.
Next month it will be 30 years since Princess Diana gave birth to that ray of ginger coloured sunlight we all know as Prince Harry. The thought of Harry twerking around the dance floor of his birthday party would normally make the top of my Things That Are Tragic list. But I can’t say that this month.
No, this month it is 17 years since Princess Diana died in that tragic car accident in Paris and her former personal chef, Darren McGrady says that this month is an especially sad month here in England.
Not only are the clouds covering the sun and everyone’s gone in hibernation but Darren has written (in a blog post) that Diana’s brother, Earl Charles Spencer has abandoned her final resting place at the Althorp estate in Northamptonshire.
The burial site is situated on an island in the middle of a lake called the Round Oval. Diana’s shrine is a classical temple on the lake shore. It has been there since the 1900s. It was always a place of quiet contemplation for visitors, but unfortunately it is no longer open to the public. An arboretum of rare trees surrounds the Princess’s temple, some of which were planted by Diana herself and some by her sons, Princes William and Harry.
Darren, who visted Althorp recently says that Diana’s island is now an overgrown mess. Her island is covered with weeds, the lake is full of algae and the trees and bushes look like they haven’t been trimmed since the day she was buried there. Darren says that even the paint on the memorial is blistered and looks ‘more like a garden shed at the bottom of some garden rather than a shrine to the once most photographed woman on Earth.’
It’s one thing to violate the laws of everything we hold dear by wandering around with a face that sort of looks like the moon but it’s quite another to abandon the memory of the People’s Princess to the elements. What do you think?