Farage Bans Twitter.

by Mike D.W on December 21, 2014

in Celebrity,Social Media

Alessandra Ambrosio-ukipOne of the fun things about being a member of UKIP is the world of social media. If a member spends their every waking moment tweeting incredibly stupid things they then have to delete it almost immediately.

However, there’s still a chance that someone from the Daily Mail has already screen grabbed it. The offending tweet is then reprinted in the paper and an awful lot of people get offended by the tweet in question.

Now UKIP party leader Nigel Farage has had enough of that unruly mess. He’s tired of paying scores of retarded teens to wade through his party members tweets about gay marriage, women priests, immigration reform, human rights protests in Ramsgate, people setting themselves on fire in Hartlepool, breast feeding at Claridges and tranny attention seekers kissing each other in public.

No. Social media is not fun if you’re the only one enjoying it. That’s why both Nigel and UKIP have withdrawn their digital stamp of approval from all tweets which bear the party logo.

Here’s snippet from their constitution;

“Party members shall refrain from using the Ukip logo in terms of their online postings, including avatars, unless they have express written consent to do so from the party leader, the party chairman, the party secretary, the general secretary, the party director, the regional chairman or regional organiser for their region”.

Politicians all seem to think that Twitter is best left to diplomats and not a party’s incoherent social media army. Herein lies the fundamental flaw in all political marketing on social media.  For some reason their soul selling social media outlets don’t feature pictures of hot women. That’s a game changer right there. You can’t win an election without a cleavage.

It’s cute that politicos think their earnest twitterings are enough. But it’s like men who think that growing a beard will get them laid. Wake me Nigel when you’ve got some Brazilian supermodels in the mix. See Above.

Perez Hilton-CBB-Celebrity Big Brother-Katie Hopkins-contestants-TVThe producers of Celebrity Big Brother have announced that penis drawing blogger Perez Hilton has signed a contract worth £150,000 to enter the CBB house in January.

So, a closeted gay will have his intimate sexual thoughts broadcast on live TV. Oh Celebrity Big Brother – turning “Z-listers” into dumb bitches since 2001. That’s terrible.

Other celebrity contestants who are rumoured to be entering the house are: Katie Hopkins, Calum Best, Danniella Westbrook, Stephen Belefonte and Josie Cunningham.

Actually, the thing I love about Perez is that he’s been waging bitchy slap fights with celebrities for years. The only thing is no one knows why. However, my question today is this:

How in the name of discount vagina spray is Perez going to survive that goblin-faced piece-of-poo Katie Hopkins?

Now that is a bitchy question and one for which I don’t have an answer. Another question. Can two of the world’s ‘most famous entertainers’ ever become friends?

Well why not. I mean, Perez? That smiley face? Yes, anything’s possible.

Anyway lets put these silly questions behind us and draw a penis on a picture of Josie Cunningham instead.

(No, lets not)

Tony Blair-Wendi-Deng-Affair-Interview-economist-politics|Regular readers will know that we don’t normally do politics here on NMi. However, according to some we’re not doing the ‘fifth estate’ the justice it deserves if we don’t throw a bouquet of bitchiness at a politician occasionally.

So behold, Mike D.W – the David Brent of political reporters!

Tony Blair’s name has hit the headlines today. The reason? Well of course it’s that alleged affair with Wendi Deng again.

Earlier this year our former Prime Minister made headlines around the world after it was alleged that he’d had an affair with Rupert Murdock’s wife, Wendi Deng. This prompted Rupert’s grumpy old testicle face to divorce her practically overnight.

This week, in a article titled The loneliness of Tony Blair the esteemed Economist magazine asked Mr Blair a direct question about the alleged affair with Deng. And guess what? Mr Blair refused to answer it.

“This is not something I will ever talk about—I haven’t so far and I won’t now”.

(via: The Economist)

And with that he slammed down his coffee mug with such force that it spilt everywhere and made everyone in the room jump. According to the magazine a large pool of sweat then appeared under Mr Blair’s armpit.

Yes, a nasty business all round.

But is all this entirely fair? After all Arnold Schwarzenegger once said that Tony Blair should rank alongside JFK, Nelson Mandela, Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev as one of the greatest leaders of all time.

Ronald Reagan?! Set the drug sniffer dogs on Arnold!

There. A post on politics. Nearly.

Poor Sinitta.

by Mike D.W on December 19, 2014

in Celebrity

Cowell-Silverman-SinittaWhile serving up his annual “Christmas in Barbados” pictures, Simon Cowell went for an old-fashioned paparazzi stroll down the beach. He took his two dogs, Squiddly and Diddly, his gold digging fiancee, Lauren Silverman and the crestfallen tag-a-long we all know as Sinitta. 

What a mess.

I’m sure Lauren has told Sinitta a million times that there’s no room for an ex-lover’s shit in her closet. Go away! You’re an ex-girlfriend. No longer relevant, leave us alone!

Poor Sinitta. This Christmas her soul will be crushed every day as the gossip columns fill with pictures of Lauren and Simon walking the beaches of Barbados. Oh Sinitta just audition for BGT, that way you might hear a YES from Simon but then again, maybe not.

Personally, I think Simon should bend Lauren and Sinitta over the bar at the Sandy Lane Hotel. Two twats and a crazy dick – the formula for X-Factor success!

Oh, I nearly forgot. Top marks to Jenny Manning over at the Sun this morning. She opened her article about Simon and Lauren walking on the beach with this;

“LIFE’S a beach if you are one of Simon Cowell’s dogs.”

(via the Sun)

Can’t think what she meant by that.

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Program Note: Sponsored By A Blackmailing Hacker.

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MEL B and Stephen Belafonte – To Sue or Not To Sue, That Is The Question.

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Russell Brand: Tweets Private Telephone Number Of Fleet Street Journalist.

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