Nicola Roberts: Hot Flush Of The Day.

by Mike D.W on July 24, 2014

in Celebrity

Nicola Roberts,singer,Girls Aloud,Nandos,peri-peri,opens,restaurant, Gatwick,sauce,funny,lol,Damn it’s turning into a slow news day, Fleet Street should be shut down and prosecuted to the furthest extent of the law for making celebrities look like fish.

I knew this day would come and now it’s finally here, just in time for the end of the world. I’ve read every inch of the gossip columns today and now I’m covering the story of a former girl bander who opened a restaurant in Gatwick’s south terminal.

I’m about to write about Nicola Roberts and how her public engagements are so full of desperation that I just want to slather her in peri-peri sauce and eat her whole. All in the name of ‘gossip-in-limbo’ you understand.

This BREAKING NEWS story was first reported by the mailonline at around midnight and then I picked it up this morning. Congratulations to us all.

Most us know that the mailonline creates some major shit bombs (see: Chilli Sauce Kills Donkey) but their source on this story failed to tell them that whilst opening a new Nandos restaurant at Gatwick airport yesterday, Nicola Roberts not only trashed the last of her relevancy but she also suffocated in the ladies toilet after one of her freckled poops exploded.

And there’s my explanation for Hot Flush of the Day!

Now if you’ll excuse me I have better things to do with my life today….


Sun-front-peaches-inquestToday The Sun’s front page looks like that picture above as they report on the inquest into the sad death of Peaches Geldof which happened last April.

When her death was first reported everyone said that no trace of the baddest of all bad – heroin – was found anywhere in Peaches’ house but that the police suspected somebody had gotten rid of any drugs/paraphernalia before the cops had showed up.

Yesterday a coroner told an inquest in Gravesend, Kent that those reports were all wrong and that Peaches’ death had only happened because she’d taken an overdose of heroin.

The inquest was told that Peaches was a hopeless heroin addict and that she’d been using for several years before her death. Apparently when the police searched her home they did find drugs and associated paraphernalia including burnt spoons, syringes and hundreds of pounds worth of ‘high quality’ heroin.

The inquest also heard that during a post-mortem examination puncture marks were found on the front of Peaches’ right elbow and more on the front of her right thigh.

If you check in the ashtray of your car and count the loose change you keep in there you’ll probably find that you have about half of NMi’s picture budget for the entire month. This is why I’m grateful to the anonymous Reddit user who sent in this picture below, sad though it is.

Peaches Geldof,heroin,overdose,inquest,death,cause,coroner,Bob,daughter,picture,puncture marks,thigh,

The question mark has now been erased over the cause of poor Peaches’ death, her messy antics are over. She’d been doing that dragon chasing shit, she fucked around with an insanity just for a quick second. Her life ended in a puddle of vomit on the floor.

Rest in Peace – Peaches Geldof.

Source


Rant On Katie Rant On….

by Mike D.W on July 23, 2014

in Celebrity

Katie Price,Twitter,rant,Chrissy Thomas,Jane Poulter,Kierran Hayler,sex,Go ahead, start pouring that vodka into your bathtub now, because you’re going to have to soak your body in a whole lot of booze after you’ve read the latest chapter in the messy and sad marriage that has become Katie Price’s latest pay cheque.

For over a week now Fleet Street’s literary journal of truth, The Sun has been publishing a long-ass interview with Katie. Each day we’ve heard how Katie’s husband, Kieran Hayler has been stirring his rampant boner in all the hot skanks he’s found in Katie’s address book.

Clearly Kierran is a crazy, manipulative, shady man-whore who brain-washed all of Katie’s friends into believing that doing an unspeakable act with him was like having face-to-face time with the founder of YouPorn.

If the interview is to be believed then it’s clear that ever since Katie found out about her husband’s infidelity she’s made it her life goal to skin Kieran’s reputation alive and then Riverdance on the destroyed body parts of all her dis-loyal friends.

And y’know what, since D.I.V.O.R.C.E is her ringtone, Visa security question and her potential neck tattoo it goes without saying that every so often Katie is going to kick some ass on Twitter.

Last night she took to her Twatter and turned words of anger into tweets of beautiful poetry. See below.

Price Tweets

Oh, who to believe? On the one hand, I can’t blame Kieran for straying – being married to Katie must be a never-ending nightmare. Plus, that middle-aged slusher, Chrissy Thomas does sound pretty sexy, so who can blame him?

On the other hand, I cannot bring myself to imagining Kierran getting his greasy hump on in a truck stop motel. I mean, really? Then again…. oh it’s all too much. Someone get me one of those Men in Black mind eraser things, I want to forget everything.

Source.


Maria Fowler,Twitter,Trolls,Police,Threats,rape, internet,Former Towie star Maria Fowler says she’s being stalked by an internet troll who has threatened to blow up her house and then rape her. Detectives with the Derbyshire police force are investigating after Maria told them that a rape-threatening troller messaged her on Twitter about a week ago.

Before this story made it to the Sun or any other tabloid, Maria’s local paper, The Derby Telegraph reported how Maria had received sick threats from an anonymous Twitter-user who has since deleted their account.

Maria said:

“There are people who are capable of doing things like this.

It’s an absolute nightmare. I was sent a message which said there is a bomb outside your house and that I should watch out because I will be raped.

I live on my own so to be threatened with rape is terrible.”

When I read about this last night a look of shock didn’t exactly cover my face. For ages now Twitter has suffered from a huge number of toxic little queens who, after consuming a bottle of 100% proof bitterness, tweet out all kinds of nasties to young women.

It’s funny how (it’s really not) these trololololos never tweet their own names, phone numbers, addresses or pictures. I mean what’s the matter with these people, do they live in a field of vaginas? They need to scratch at a fetish they didn’t know they had? Feed their souls with some truly entertaining fuckery?

And how do you respond to it? How do you troll a troll?

I’m sure I don’t know the answer so I guess for now we’ll just have to shrug our shoulders and hope that Maria can continue to use her Twitter, where she has 445,000 followers, in peace. Poor girl.


Thumbnail image for Myleene’s Two Piece Pap Pose.

Myleene’s Two Piece Pap Pose.

July 21, 2014 Celebrity

For the past month or so the paparazzi on the island of Ibiza have been wandering the beaches wondering what to do with themselves. Every so often they’d come across a dead seahorse lying in the sand and they’d burst into tears as they remembered all the beautiful staged bikini moments they’d had with Myleene […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Mad Madge Gets Parking Ticket.

Mad Madge Gets Parking Ticket.

July 21, 2014 Celebrity

Welcome to the ‘made-up news’, a post where most of the content has been exaggerated in order to fill the white spaces left between the facts and the truth. After eating at London’s Firehouse restaurant on Saturday night the queen of pension-pop, Madonna returned to her car only to find a parking ticket tucked under her windscreen wiper. The thing, […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for There Are No Words….

There Are No Words….

July 19, 2014 Celebrity

Forget all about the other workouts because ‘Chutercise’ is the only workout you’ll ever need. One of our nation’s finest blooms, Helen Flanagan, is here to show us how to burn the fat with parachutes. Yes, chute chute chute, chute like you’re Jane Fonda galloping through a field of daisies while being chased by a swarm […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Simon Cowell: Too Gay Or Not Too Gay?

Simon Cowell: Too Gay Or Not Too Gay?

July 18, 2014 Celebrity

He may dress like a gay on a budget but that doesn’t mean the ladies should stop throwing their underwear at Simon Cowell. No sireee. During ‘that drugs trial’ over at Southwark Crown Court yesterday the jury were played a secret recording in which Gareth Varey was heard to tell undercover reporter, Mazher Mahmood that Simon Cowell is gay. The recording: […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Lets Feel Sorry For Lily Allen Today.

Lets Feel Sorry For Lily Allen Today.

July 17, 2014 Celebrity

“Know when to shut-up” isn’t just one of the taglines for Lily Allen’s new single URL Badman. It’s also what everybody is saying to themselves now they’ve heard her latest contribution to the music industry’s growing mountain of turds. Lily is still trying to be a huge musical success story yet Britain is still trying to tell […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Jeremy Kyle Goes To Magaluf. Gets Peppered.

Jeremy Kyle Goes To Magaluf. Gets Peppered.

July 16, 2014 Celebrity

In hell’s only franchise on Earth (aka Magaluf) sex-hungry slusters have been going crazy over discounted cocktails for months now. So when trash is acting like trash everyone in the British media calls them trash, right? Wrong, when trash is acting like trash, Jeremy Kyle calls them uneducated. That is his insult for everything and everybody. […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for A Blind Post: Hope For Madame Moody?

A Blind Post: Hope For Madame Moody?

July 16, 2014 Celebrity

If you happen to see a bald woman running down the street screaming, “NOOO” don’t pay any attention to her. It’s just the Mirror’s Madame Moody. Yes, Clemmie Moody lost her mind and tore out all her hair because she wasn’t allowed to even think the word “marriage” while in One Direction’s presence and now one of […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for STALKERS: How Sandra Bullock Had Face To Face Time With Joshua Corbett.

STALKERS: How Sandra Bullock Had Face To Face Time With Joshua Corbett.

July 15, 2014 Celebrity

A big blob of crazy was shuffled into the Los Angeles Superior court recently after he’d been caught behaving like a mangled mess in front of actress Sandra Bullock. Earlier this month 39-year-old Joshua Corbett broke into Sandra’s house while she and her 4-year-old son Louis were in bed. TMZ have reported that at around 2am one Sunday morning […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for BRAWLS: Oscar Pistorius v Jared Mortimer.

BRAWLS: Oscar Pistorius v Jared Mortimer.

July 15, 2014 Celebrity

There’s nothing worse than the walk of shame from a bar room to the tabloids when you’ve got nothing to show for it except for a bruised ego and a frowning b-hole. Moving on… Oscar Pistorius got dumped on his carbon fibre prosthetics outside the VIP Room night club in Johannesburg on Saturday night after bouncers had […]

Keep reading