We all know about Rita Ora and her auto-tuned vocals but nobody has ever mixed a fish and the chance of having sex with a hot woman before.
The Sexy Fish restaurant which is due to open in Berkeley Square later this month, is the latest addition to a chain of London restaurants owned by Caprice Holdings. In order to promote man’s domination over the seas they’ve hired Rita Ora’s cleavage to promote their delicious salad nicoise with a hint of cadmium isotope from Fukushima.
I mean really!
Some might call this an imaginative promotional campaign. Yes good idea chaps, lets dress her up as a mermaid. That says ocean and tons of chum like nothing else. Right chaps?
Well wrong chaps. While a mermaid is a great choice, it always reminds men how much they wanted to have sex with that girl from The Little Mermaid, even though she was half-fish… and that’s disgusting.
And Rita Ora? Are you kidding my ass? You’ve really got to love fish to order it with Rita staring back at you from the menu because now I’m thinking Cod Burger…with onion rings.
Most alley cats wouldn’t take the chance. But there’s no denying it, visiting the Sexy Fish restaurant might result in sex with Rita Ora. Or dysentery.
Oh I know, The Ivy, The Caprice, Sheekies and Scots – they’re all quality restaurants owned by Caprice Holdings – but grant me a little poetic here.