Myleene’s Two Piece Pap Pose.

by Mike D.W on July 21, 2014

in Celebrity

Myleene Klass,poses,paps,set-up,bikini,two-piece,pictures,For the past month or so the paparazzi on the island of Ibiza have been wandering the beaches wondering what to do with themselves. Every so often they’d come across a dead seahorse lying in the sand and they’d burst into tears as they remembered all the beautiful staged bikini moments they’d had with Myleene Klass.

Well, the dark times are over for those paps because Myleene is out of therapy/clinic/rehab/whatever and is texting them with the exact GPS coordinates of where to find her posing up in a two piece.

Yes, once again you can sleep at night safe in the knowledge that Myleene has been reunited with two of her most beautiful things: paps and bikinis!


Seriously tho, if Anne Summers were ever to stage a fashion show in the car park of a shut down Woolworths then this bikini is what would come frolicking down the catwalk at the finale of their show.

It’s true, just when I started to believe that a human rainbow would never make the cover of Hello’s Cherynobyl edition Myleene pulls this out of the bag. She looks like a cross between the sexiest float at the Notting Hill carnival and the recession-era model that was featured in last year’s Matalan catalogue. In other words, this look redefines Klass.

Seriously, this really is class from Klass and I can’t wait until next month when she’ gets pictured on an organic farm because this woman really is creating her own calendar.

Mad Madge Gets Parking Ticket.

by Mike D.W on July 21, 2014

in Celebrity

Madonna,parking ticket,traffic-warden,tantrum,London,Restaurant,Firehouse,Welcome to the ‘made-up news’, a post where most of the content has been exaggerated in order to fill the white spaces left between the facts and the truth.

After eating at London’s Firehouse restaurant on Saturday night the queen of pension-pop, Madonna returned to her car only to find a parking ticket tucked under her windscreen wiper.

The thing, Madonna wasn’t even driving, but that didn’t stop her from throwing a spoiled ‘don’t you know who I am’ tantrum (it’s the meds) by yanking the ticket off of her windscreen and then handing it back to the warden saying: “Thank you bitch, but no thank you.”

As much as I’m a fan of diva bitch tantrums, there’s really no need for Madge to behave like an asshole towards an innocent traffic-warden who frankly couldn’t care less how mad she got. It’s unnecessary, it makes her look like a dick and its a dumb thing to do in front of the paps.

Think about it. Madonna should’ve just cracked that manufactured smile of hers then taken the ticket and slipped it into her handbag. The next time she needs to park illegally in London, she can put it under her windscreen wiper so that all the traffic wardens just walk on by thinking their job is already done.

Sometimes you need to use your brain cells instead of your twat genes.

And yes, this post is only funny since most of it is made up but I’m sure, like anyone who sees a warden ticketing a diva, you’ll smile just a bit. I mean, check out the guy in the background.

source: Daily Mirror

There Are No Words….

by Mike D.W on July 19, 2014

in Celebrity

Helen Flanagan,parachutes,running,exercise,funny,pictures,Forget all about the other workouts because ‘Chutercise’ is the only workout you’ll ever need. One of our nation’s finest blooms, Helen Flanagan, is here to show us how to burn the fat with parachutes.

Yes, chute chute chute, chute like you’re Jane Fonda galloping through a field of daisies while being chased by a swarm of bees.

Nobody in the park will bother you because you’ll hypnotize them with your graceful chuting thing.


In Birmingham the other day Helen chuted so hard that at the end of her workout even her camel toe was a huffing and a puffing.

I don’t know this world anymore. Chute on, Helen, chute on!

Simon Cowell: Too Gay Or Not Too Gay?

by Mike D.W on July 18, 2014

in Celebrity

Simon Cowell, gay,rumours,Tulisa Contostavlos,Gareth Varey,court,trial,drugs,recording,jury,Mazher Mahmood He may dress like a gay on a budget but that doesn’t mean the ladies should stop throwing their underwear at Simon Cowell. No sireee.

During ‘that drugs trial’ over at Southwark Crown Court yesterday the jury were played a secret recording in which Gareth Varey was heard to tell undercover reporter, Mazher Mahmood that Simon Cowell is gay.

The recording:

Mahmood: “Is Simon Cowell gay?”

Varey: “Yes.”

Mahmood: “Have you slept with him?”

Varey: “No.”

Mahmood: “Why not?”

Varey: “One day I will when I make my move.”

Mahmood: “Do you fancy him or not?”

Varey: “No.”

Mahmood: “How do you know he’s gay?”

Varey: “I know people who have.”

Well, that Varey sure spoked up some stink yesterday because now every tabloid in the country is asking if those long standing gay-as-a-rainbow rumours have any substance.

Naturally Cowell is furious. He’d sooner shove the jury’s ears up a cow’s bum than have them listen to a piece of trash who sounds like he’s being humped in the rump. He wants to sue-jump all over that bitch’s ass for talking shit about him. He wants to sue the press for repeating it and he wants to sue you for reading that defamatory mess. But he can’t.

Here’s what his people had to say:

“We are bound by contempt of court rules so cannot respond to these claims in the manner we wish to.

  We are speaking to the Attorney General’s office and intend to make a statement in court as soon as possible.”

Yes, Simon wants to make it clear that Varey is scraping the bottom of the desperate bin with this one and that nothing could be further from the truth.

I do hope the defendant is getting something out of all this because it can’t be comfortable letting the press pat your nalgas when you’re arriving to court wearing nothing but a wig and a plastic face.


Thumbnail image for Lets Feel Sorry For Lily Allen Today.

Lets Feel Sorry For Lily Allen Today.

July 17, 2014 Celebrity

“Know when to shut-up” isn’t just one of the taglines for Lily Allen’s new single URL Badman. It’s also what everybody is saying to themselves now they’ve heard her latest contribution to the music industry’s growing mountain of turds. Lily is still trying to be a huge musical success story yet Britain is still trying to tell […]

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Jeremy Kyle Goes To Magaluf. Gets Peppered.

July 16, 2014 Celebrity

In hell’s only franchise on Earth (aka Magaluf) sex-hungry slusters have been going crazy over discounted cocktails for months now. So when trash is acting like trash everyone in the British media calls them trash, right? Wrong, when trash is acting like trash, Jeremy Kyle calls them uneducated. That is his insult for everything and everybody. […]

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A Blind Post: Hope For Madame Moody?

July 16, 2014 Celebrity

If you happen to see a bald woman running down the street screaming, “NOOO” don’t pay any attention to her. It’s just the Mirror’s Madame Moody. Yes, Clemmie Moody lost her mind and tore out all her hair because she wasn’t allowed to even think the word “marriage” while in One Direction’s presence and now one of […]

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STALKERS: How Sandra Bullock Had Face To Face Time With Joshua Corbett.

July 15, 2014 Celebrity

A big blob of crazy was shuffled into the Los Angeles Superior court recently after he’d been caught behaving like a mangled mess in front of actress Sandra Bullock. Earlier this month 39-year-old Joshua Corbett broke into Sandra’s house while she and her 4-year-old son Louis were in bed. TMZ have reported that at around 2am one Sunday morning […]

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BRAWLS: Oscar Pistorius v Jared Mortimer.

July 15, 2014 Celebrity

There’s nothing worse than the walk of shame from a bar room to the tabloids when you’ve got nothing to show for it except for a bruised ego and a frowning b-hole. Moving on… Oscar Pistorius got dumped on his carbon fibre prosthetics outside the VIP Room night club in Johannesburg on Saturday night after bouncers had […]

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Princess Kate Might Be Pregnant Again.

July 15, 2014 Celebrity

Not that Prince Harry has let the cat out of the bag by confirming this news but… Princess Kate might be pregnant again. Well she is if you believe Jessica Hay. Jessica Hay is an old friend of Kate de Cambridge. You’ll remember that back November 2012 it was Hay who first told the media that Katy was […]

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In Super-Secret Wedding News, Cheryl And Jean-Bernard Got Married.

July 14, 2014 Celebrity

X Factor mistress Cheryl Cole and her international modelling treasure, Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini have been together for 3 months (which is 3 years in celebrity years) so I guess they figured they’d had a good enough run and it was time for them to ruin everything by getting married. Start the conscious uncoupling clock! All the papers are reporting how Cheryl and […]

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Celebrity ‘BIG’ Brother.

July 12, 2014 Celebrity

One day I’ll be driving down the road and I’ll see White Dee’s stomach trying to hitchhike its way out of town. It’s going to leave her body any day now because she’s threatening to have a plastic surgeon lipo out the fried egg platter she fed it for breakfast this morning. Take another look at […]

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Sharon Stone Wants A Date.

July 10, 2014 Celebrity

Some people say that Sharon Stone’s heart is made from dehydrated kitten fur and elastic bands. Others say that she once skinned a guinea pig with her bare teeth (exhibit: A). Nope,  Sharon could never do that. Guinea pigs are loving creatures that wrap themselves around you and love you unconditionally. In your time of need they’ll whisper, […]

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