No Words: Funny Video For October 21st 2014.

by Mike D.W on October 21, 2014

in Entertainment

I like people who make shit happen, regardless of who gets hurt in the process.


A Mess Is As A Mess Does.

by Mike D.W on October 21, 2014

in Entertainment

Lauren Goodger-messy bedroom-picture-instagramWatching a blustering whirlpool of slovenly sloppiness can be captivating, provocative and stimulating. However there comes a time when a flip-flopular mess stops being funny and starts being sad. Lauren Goodger has been in that camp for some time now and after seeing that picture above only the blackest of hearts would disagree.

Lauren uploaded the picture to her Flustagram this morning and told the world, “I make a mess when I get ready.

Ready for what one wonders.

A woman’s bedroom is always the best kind of comfortable when she’s taken her underwear off and she’s laying on a love nest made from cushions. But when her mortgage goes into arrears and she needs to hop on a dick to make ends meet then her boudoir shouldn’t look like the home of an inebriated lizard they used in the lab trials of her face cream.

And yes Lauren, you’ve got to wrap that dramatically warped cleavage in some kind of Anne Summers before the boys at the supermarket will experience the overwhelming desire to slap you on the ass and start calling you bitch.

Y’know, if the lives of celebrity women weren’t so bloody depressing today then I’d be four drinks to the wind by now and convinced that the world is flat.

Oscar Pistorious,Reeva Steenkamp,trial,sentenced,jail,killing,legals,Oscar Pistorius is no longer free to shoot up intruders today after Judge Thokozile Matilda Masipa sent him to jail for 5 years. Well, at least this time Oscar’s face didn’t collapse in a snot fall of gross.

Last month, Judge Masipa dismissed the premeditated murder charge against Pistorius because, in her opinion the prosecution had failed to prove that he deliberately killed his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Instead she found him guilty of culpable homicide (which is kind of like manslaughter here in the UK). This morning, Judge Masipa made Pistorius stand up and then sent his nasty ass to jail for five years.

Legal experts (on Twitter) are already saying that the sentence is merely a slap on the wrist for Oscar and that he should be grateful the judge didn’t slap his trigger hand. Other legal experts are saying that if South Africa is anything like the UK, then the chances of a rich celebrity staying in jail for the whole term is about as slim as a magical fairy appearing before us and handing out prison issue dildos.

South African prisoners had better brace themselves now, because it’s only a matter of time before one of them gets up for a 3-am pee and Oscar shoots them in the ass for waking him up.

Lynda-Bellingham-Rest in Peace-RIP-died-passed away-TV-loose women-OXO adsThanks to sitting in front of a black and white television and watching re-runs of Tom and Jerry for hours, I’m pretty sure that the first word I ever learned to spell was OXO. Back then that word was featured in all the ad breaks. So today my black heart is pumping out a slow beat of sads for Lynda Bellingham.

The BBC has reported that Lynda, at the young age of 66, took the hour long taxi ride up to heaven last night. They say she died peacefully while asleep in the arms of her husband, Michael.

(Note to my other half: Please don’t hold me while I’m asleep, even if I am about to die. Thank you.)

Lynda was born in Canada but her strict church-going family gave her up for adoption because she was born out of wedlock. Lynda was then raised by her adoptive parents in Buckinghamshire.

Lynda was married three times. Her third marriage was to Michael Pattemore (known on Loose Women as Mr Spain). She had two sons, Michael and Robbie.

Lynda first arrived on our TV screens back in the 1970s when she played a nurse in the ITV soap opera General Hospital. She also starred in Confessions of a Driving Instructor, Sweeney and Stand Up, Virgin Soldiers. Lynda was also in the James Herriot drama All Creatures Great and Small, the comedy Second Thoughts and the Doctor Who serial The Trial of a Time Lord.

Some might say that Lynda’s most famous role was playing the loving mother in the OXO adverts which graced our lives for almost twenty years.

Back in 2007 Lynda became a panellist on Loose Women and remained one until 2011. In 2014 she was appointed an Officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE) for her voluntary services to charity.

In July of 2013, Lynda announced that she had been diagnosed with colorectal cancer. She released a statement saying that she was “not going to die” but last month Lynda confirmed that the cancer had spread to her lungs and liver and that she had only ‘months to live’.

Lynda died last night.

Rest in Peace, Lynda Bellingham ..… We’ll all honor your memory today by pouring a warm gravy of sadness over our hearts while we watch your last ever OXO performance.

Thumbnail image for No Words: Funny Video For October 20th 2014.

No Words: Funny Video For October 20th 2014.

October 20, 2014 Entertainment

There was drama! There was screaming! There were tears! There was anguish! And then there was this.   Tweet

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Cheryl and Kermit: Separated At Birth.

Cheryl and Kermit: Separated At Birth.

October 20, 2014 Entertainment

Since it’s another slow-ass news day this is probably the most interesting thing I’ve seen all morning. And yes, I’ve only been up for an hour, but still! On Saturday night’s X Factor, Cheryl Fernandez-Versini attempted to wow the nation by wearing a bright green Lanvin gown complete with gigantic ruffles on one shoulder. The Peoples of […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for No Words For October 18th 2014.

No Words For October 18th 2014.

October 18, 2014 Entertainment

You don’t need to know what this is, where I found it or what you can you use it for.   Tweet

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Rylan Clark Demands £300k For Exclusive Wedding Pictures.

Rylan Clark Demands £300k For Exclusive Wedding Pictures.

October 18, 2014 Entertainment

When People and Hello! published exclusive pictures of the most important wedding since the Duchess of Alba married that young toy boy, I thought that both magazine’s would have to close down because their bank accounts would be empty and their employees had been sold to slave traders. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt gave all that wedding money to […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for No Words For October 17th 2014.

No Words For October 17th 2014.

October 17, 2014 Entertainment

Blowing your ass off with a firework might be the most American thing ever.   Tweet

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Kelly Brook: Faked Is As Faked Does.

Kelly Brook: Faked Is As Faked Does.

October 17, 2014 Entertainment

I could post a thousand words to say that these two twassocks faked an engagement so that they could fake a seperation so that they could fake a reunion for their fake reality show which they call Love Everlasting. But I’ll save myself some time by simply saying what you’re all thinking: WHO GIVES A […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Amy Childs Has Broken Her Range Rover.

Amy Childs Has Broken Her Range Rover.

October 16, 2014 Entertainment

While they skip through the butterfly clouds, their cars are careering off the roads! Amy Childs got all shaken up last night after being involved in a serious car accident in north east London. The papers say that nobody else was involved in the crash and that Amy was shaken but not stirred. Amy was riding in her Range Rover at around […]

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for No Words For October 16th 2014.

No Words For October 16th 2014.

October 15, 2014 Entertainment

Vat’ll lern ‘im.   Tweet

Keep reading
Thumbnail image for Trolls Threaten To Rape Chloe Madeley.

Trolls Threaten To Rape Chloe Madeley.

October 15, 2014 Entertainment

A few days ago ITV’s Loose Women star Judy Finnigan voiced an opinion about the former Sheffield United footballer Ched Evans. Readers will remember that Evans was jailed back in 2012 for rape but he’s due for release real soon. Judy had suggested that the footballing rapist should be allowed to resume his career. Judy’s comments sparked fierce debate in the newspaper columns, magazines and on social media. […]

Keep reading