≡ Menu

Funny Videos – Jamie Oliver And Onions.

I saw a report this week in Celebrity Chef Monthly, annoying t**t Jamie Oliver shared a recipe in Modern Dog magazine. It was called “Buster Butternut Squash.”

There was a long article about the recipe and even a picture of a dog eating a bowl of the stuff.

But really, it was just a bowl of … murder!

The dog keeled over and died.

Jamie can’t be bothered to offer a warning about his dog supper recipes. In fact he still has them on his web site under a category called Pet Friendly.

His wife, Jooles claims that this is all a misunderstanding and was not intended to harm the dog at all.

But I’m not so sure. Just look at some of Jamie’s other Pet Friendly recipes: “Beef Chunks with Crushed Glass,” “Peanut Butter Bullets” and “Bowl of Poison.”

WTF! How can this not be intentional!

You know that like that video above none this is true. I made it all up.

Madonna – New Toy Boy?

Madonna,toy boy,Andrea Denver,Newsmediaimages.com

Now that 56-year old Madonna has learned what hashtags are for, she is continuing the campaign of emptiness on her Instagram by posting random pictures with meaningless messages like #artforrevolution and #rebelheart.

The latest picture in the collection is shown above. As you can see it’s the glorious portrait of male model Andrea Denver. As a result of the posting and subsequent messages between them Andrea is now being touted as Madonna’s next lamb to the slaughter boyfriend.

Since Madonna is so youthful and attractive these days she obviously still thinks she’s a queen and despite the fact that she’s 33 years older than Andrea the race for which of them is sexier is clearly neck and neck.

Madge should have posted a photo Andrea wearing a Jesus mask, because you know that she’s had sex with a chap dressed like Jesus at least hundred times. Yes, Madonna could then believe she’s about to hump on the son of God.

Being the wealthy old lady that she is there’s every chance this is the beginning of the second immaculate conception on Earth. It will probably end with a dozen goats, a crucifix, a manger, some flying angels and Rocco, Lourdes, Rocco and David dressed up as the three kings.

Because everyone should start off their week off by feeling sick you can expect Miley Cyrus to be posting photos of her bush by the end of the day.

Amy Winehouse – The Film.

Amy Winehouse,Film,AMY,Mitch,Critique,Newsmediaimages.com

When Amy Winehouse died, her dad Mitch told everyone that she definitely didn’t die from an overdose because she wasn’t doing any drugs. He also told everyone that Amy wasn’t drinking so her death couldn’t have been caused by booze.

He told everyone to wait and see what the autopsy turned up. Well the autopsy turned up and guess what? Amy drank herself to death.

That was 4 years ago.

Now Universal have made a film about Amy. The film, AMY is directed by Asif Kapadia and documents Amy Winehouse’s life from her childhood to her death from alcohol poisoning in 2011. The film is made in a similar style to Senna, Kapadia’s 2010 film about the Formula One racing driver.

At first Amy Winehouse’s family backed the film but you’ll never guess what we’re hearing now?

That’s right, they’re not backing the film.

Amy’s Dad, Mitch Winehouse has been giving interviews and saying that the film is a completely inappropriate way to depict someone who drank themselves to death 4 years ago.

The first trailer for the film debuted this month and showed the singer talking about her career and fame. Here’s some of the things Amy Winehouse’s family have been saying about the film:


“We’d like to disassociate ourselves from the forthcoming film.”

“It is both misleading and contains some basic untruths,”

“The narrative is formed by the testimony of a narrow sample of Amy’s associates, many of whom had nothing to do with her in the last years of her life.”

“Our counter views expressed to the filmmakers did not make the final cut.”

“I felt sick when I watched it for the first time.”

“Amy would be furious. This is not what she would have wanted.”

Mitch can give himself the saddest pat on the back ever, because he’s probably right. From what I’ve seen this film is pretty much the same awkward as watching my other half doing a dance on the pavement when an old Bob Marley song is played by a busker. Totally like that.

But wait. Where is Blake Fielder? Is he STILL in prison? Perhaps they could shackle his ankles and let him out for the premiere. It wouldn’t be right if AMY premiered in London without Blake throwing himself on the red carpet while screaming, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamy.”

“Amy” is set to make its debut at the Cannes Film Festival in May.

(Thanks To Glenn John)

Myleene Klass – Morning Model.

Myleene Klass,sexy,bikini,swimwear,model,Newsmediaimages.com

Myleene Klass seems pretty happy considering she unbound herself from her husband and a lifetime of irreconcilable differences.

It’s the discomforting binds of a Marks and Spencer modelling contract that must leave her with the feeling she’s slept in the wet spot. Swimwear models from M&S tend to be whimsical in their decision making.

When you live in constant fear of viral outbreak in Buckinghamshire or Oscar Pistorius becoming your boyfriend, you live for the now. I could see how an insufferable blogger might fit into that mindset.

Fat chance! Once Myleene Klass gets a taste for Dubai and realises that she won’t die from mosquito bites, she’ll sign a pre-nup and start on an older, quieter, Dubai estate agent for husband number two.

Kyle Walker – Video Nasty Denied.

Kyle walker,smut,video,Newsmediaimages.com

Welcome to another slow-ass news day where nothing is going on except for a bunch of lawyers acting for Tottenham Hotspur footballer, Kyle Walker.

It has been almost 72 hours since amateur video footage showing a dog and a filthy harlot going at it hammer and tongue first made it’s debut on Twitter. The tape was filmed by a man who’s face cannot be seen, but his voice can be heard.

When the trolling trollops of Twitter saw the tape it took them just 5 minutes to attribute (falsely) the man’s voice to Kyle Walker.

When Kyle Walker heard about the tape it took him just 2 hours to deny that the awful video, which showed the dog suckling on the filthy harlot’s lady parts, had anything to do with him.

Kyle took to his Facebook and had this to say:

‘I wasn’t going to comment on the rumours going around myself and my family but as people are still talking about them, I feel I need to set the record straight. 

‘I am aware of a video being shared on social media and am disgusted by the suggestion that it’s anything to do with us.

‘With so many young people on social media I am horrified that content of that nature has been shared so many times.

‘My legal team are monitoring the activity surrounding this.’

Obviously, nothing ever disappears from the Internet as quickly as a footballer’s good name and reputation. So Kyle Walker is now consulting with lawyers and may ultimately seek a temporary restraining order against Twitter to force them to remove this awful video from the timelines. [click to continue…]

Funny Video: Fat Man Stuck In A Seat Belt.

I think this funny video has drawn some graphic comments on social media recently. A man stuck in a seatbelt after loosing the gluttonous war known as Man Vs. Food.

As the world acknowledges that fat ain’t beautiful this man might be the only person alive who doesn’t want to boast about losing weight. No this man didn’t run his marathons, he just kept right on embarrassing Fat America.

This may placate the trolls on social media who confuse screwing up your life with a cultural acceptance that overweight is some kind of genetic inheritance. I’m guessing the trolls would never forgive him if he ever turned slender.

And no, I have no idea how he got out of that seatbelt. If he ever did.