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CBB Winner: Oh, Puh-Leeze!

by Michael D. Wheeler on January 27, 2012

Celebrity Big Brother 2012. The Winner is Denise Welch. Well won’t she just be carrying around a big bag of nothing for the next two weeks!

I guess everyone else pre-wrote their CBB winner articles so as they’d get on Google page one before me. Well I didn’t pre-write nuffing, all I know is I’m late, and I’m not here to hand out any big fat bulging congrats to Denise Welch. And I also want to take this opportunity to send a, ‘you spineless tosser’ over to Holy Moly’s Jamie East.

Seriously, help me understand how a garden lizard with a first class degree in 70′s porn face could win Celebrity Big Brother. I’m asking in all honesty, is she on drugs, is she mentally challenged, or is she just not well? Please help me understand. (I should have added permanently drunk.)

I guess if being a desperate middle-aged overly processed mouthy has-been is all it takes to win CBB then maybe we should all go hug our pimp managers and hope that one day they’ll get something right.

With that, I think I’m all out of shit to say.

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Toddlers and Tiaras: Daily Mail Sued For Sexualizing 5 year old Isabella Barrett.

27.01.2012

If your kind of guilty pleasure is watching the hilarious abomination known as Toddlers & Tiaras, then this is probably going to come as a shock to you. Toddlers & Tiaras is the American reality show about the screwed up world of child beauty pageants. Unsurprisingly many have thrown lumps of negative critique at the show, it’s concept, it’s contestants [...]

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Eastender’s Westend Bender.

27.01.2012

Jamie Foreman. Eastenders. “I’ve got it, I’m not drunk.” If I got a plastic toy for every time I said that before falling down drunk, I’d be drowning in vibrating plastic. I can’t drink or do any mind altering substance without eventually falling over. Mostly, I don’t feel any pain nor any guilt. Works for me. (shrugs) The [...]

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Here’s Kelly Brook’s Coconuts.

27.01.2012

Lazy-News Friday is presented to you by KELLY BROOK. She threw this picture (left) out on Twitter last night so the reason I really like her today, if not for her coconut it sure has to be for her orange-y carrot glow. It makes me think she’s lathered self tanner on her hands then smeared it all [...]

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Harry Quits Caroline.

27.01.2012

It would been so much easier if Caroline Flack had known exactly what date she was going to get dumped instead of it just creeping up on her. The clearance bin she got dumped in again obviously hasn’t taught her the tricks of the child slave labor trade. When I saw her at the NTA’s the other night I swear she [...]

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Now Say Hello To Stacy Irvine’s Real Diet.

26.01.2012

Lets say hello to 17 year-old Stacy Irvine, the teenage girl who has made both The Daily Mail AND The Sun today with the story of her addiction to chicken nuggets. Both papers tell us how stupid girl (above) here has eaten nothing but chicken nuggets for over 15 years. Doctors, not surprisingly have told [...]

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Nicola McLean: Not Fair On A Pair.

26.01.2012

Nicola McLean. It was clear to me from day one that this whole hate the voluptuous blonde with a chest campaign was dreamed up by the Celebrity Big Brother production team. (AKA smelly apes with ferret eyes and horse teeth.) Yes, I think they took one look at Nicola and thought she’s just a sliced in half [...]