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Funny Video: Fat Man Stuck In A Seat Belt.

I think this funny video has drawn some graphic comments on social media recently. A man stuck in a seatbelt after loosing the gluttonous war known as Man Vs. Food.

As the world acknowledges that fat ain’t beautiful this man might be the only person alive who doesn’t want to boast about losing weight. No this man didn’t run his marathons, he just kept right on embarrassing Fat America.

This may placate the trolls on social media who confuse screwing up your life with a cultural acceptance that overweight is some kind of genetic inheritance. I’m guessing the trolls would never forgive him if he ever turned slender.

And no, I have no idea how he got out of that seatbelt. If he ever did.

Top Gear Trio In Secret Meeting.

Top gear,Secret Meeting,Clarkson,newsmediaimages.com

When Jeremy Clarkson was fired from Top Gear for beating the crap out of one of his producers I kind of sympathised with him. As someone who works in the media I can assure you there are plenty of people in the TV industry that deserve a good ass whooping.

Anyway, since the sacking of Clarkson there’s been little in terms of good news for the fans of Top Gear. If anything the news has been bad, all bad and nothing but bad. Clarkson in cancer scare, James May resigns, the small one joins Billy Smart’s circus and more recently Top Gear’s most influential executive producer, Andy Wilman resigns.

However, in between the bad news there has been hope. Always hope. Rumours of a rival show have been circulating around Fleet Street faster than a hooker can hump in trainers.

Clarkson served to fuel those rumours only yesterday when he was quoted as saying, “I’m going to do another car show.”

Well, here’s some news that will make Top Gear fans hope and hope and hope some more. Yes, some good news. According to Lad Bible that influential producer Andy Wilman has met with Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond.

Wilman, is a long-time friend of Clarkson and was crucial to the ongoing success of Top Gear. Apparently the group met at Clarkson’s flat for a three hour ‘secret meeting’ before emerging with smiles on their faces but their lips firmly shut.

Yes Top Gear fans this situation is has 5 layers of WTF wrapped all over it. What comes next, the pre-nup?

Heidi Klum Romping.

Heidi Klum,romping,newsmediaimages.com

Heidi Klum isn’t the kind of super model who doesn’t give back. She’s got some kick ass moves to teach any aspiring young model who wants to get ahead in a business where thousands compete for a few dozen career slots.

Heidi’s first piece of advice is to write a to-do list.

1) Be super good looking.

2) Have a baby with an Italian billionaire.

3) Marry an internationally hot music star.

4) Go to a Caribbean island where the laws on 40-somethings romping with younger men are less rigorous.

5) Let your younger man give your ass a tickle and then release pictures on line.

There. Free clothes and champagne for life. No need for college, no need to work, before you know it you’ll be 40 rich and very very horny.

Oh I know. I made all that nonsense up. Here’s the truth of it.

The pictures above are all screen grabs from the music video “Fire Meet Gasoline” It’s on the album 1000 FORMS OF FEAR by Sia.

Katie Hopkins On Food Banks.

Katie Hopkins,Food banks,The Sun,Column,newsmediaimages.com

Katie Hopkins has been on this page 13 times and 9 of those times were because she’s a bitter old pain in the ass.

One time she was here for haranguing people with weight issues, twice it was for cursing benefit claimants, once it was for insulting children with plain names, last time it was for being a bitch towards immigrants.

Yes. This sludge-like excuse of humanity is a gift to the blogosphere that just keeps on giving. Seriously, I’m considering having a daily Hopkins post. She’s that newsworthy.

As you’re all aware a petition demanding that the Sun Newspaper fire Katie’s unsavoury ass as a columnist was signed by over 300,000 people recently. But to no avail. She’s still there. Penning her dark, twisted hatred, angrily screwing with your mind and using her column as an access portal to hell.

Because many of you don’t pay your monthly subscription fees to Murdock’s merry empire you won’t have seen this week’s Katie Hopkins column. Today Katie is attacking those poor people in our country that have to visit food banks in order to feed themselves and their families.

I forgot to turn the caps lock on but here’s some snippets:

“They are giving free food to dependents who have honed their blagging skills from years on the take.”

“The idle become voucher tourists, moving around to score free nappies and deodorants they can flog for fags and booze.”

“Food bankers are the new fat cats, licking off the cream until they are full enough to be sick today — but hungry again tomorrow.”

“The thought of budgeting for food or using contraception never crossed their minds.”

(Via: The Sun)

AHHHH WTF IS THAT! How did a human being get this ugly? Katie’s husband must be the actor of the century because he’s an inch away from that ghastly goblin and he just sits there and takes it.

Katie Hopkins also takes to her column this week to say sorry for keeping us all in the dark. She claims that her four day sabbatical away from Twitter was simply to see what her nasty world would look like without her cuntributions to social media. (I know, typo but it stays)

That’s an unusual thing to do but she should keep that ugly mess of a mouth in the dark too.

And finally Katie Hopkins tells us that she’s still pursuing her elusive dream of becoming a gay icon. She asks if it’s okay to attend the Gay Oscars being held at the Landmark Hotel, London tonight.

Despite answering her own question I can assure her that it’s not. It’s not okay at all.

Adam Johnson Charged Under Sexual Offences Act.

Adam Johnson,Charged,Sex Offences,Sunderland FC, Newsmediaimages.com

In March of this year Sunderland football player, Adam Johnson was arrested at his mansion. Policemen asked him about allegations of sexual activity with a child under 16 years old and another one of grooming. That, as it turns out is illegal.

All the offences are alleged to have taken place between last December and this February.

Well, today Adam Johnson attended Peterlee police station in County Durham to answer his bail. It was then that his entire life turned into a mountain of wet shit. That’s right, those police officers charged Andy Johnson with four offences under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. [click to continue…]

Mel B Axed.

Mel B,X Factor,Axed,Newsmediaimages.com

The beautiful romance between a strain of herpes and a piece of porn has come to an end. That’s right, Simon Cowell has axed Mel B from the X Factor.

The next time you’re at a family reunion and watching your uncles fighting because one of them said, “You may now snort a fat line off your wife’s backside” think of Mel B.

The next time you hear someone say, “Hmm… I wonder which network will actually pay money for this mess” think of Simon Cowell.

The next time you’re reading one of those yummy bloggers on the MailOnline, think of me.

We don’t pull our punches here medears.

Simon Cowell has made no comment on Mel B’s cancellation, but I bet it had a lot to do with her being as boring as the inside of a plimsole and entirely as predictable.

I only watched Mel B in one show. I started watching because I assumed the show was going to be filled with squint-eyed dragon drama and smug-faced smutty theatrics from Mel B. And it was. [click to continue…]