Madonna: Another Toy-Boy Bites The Dust.

by Mike D.W on August 21, 2014

in Celebrity

Madonna, madge,toy-boy,Timor Steffens,split,There comes a time in every toy-boy’s life when his mistress slips him his bus fare and packs him a suitcase for the road. And that time has come for Madonna’s 26 year-old dancing trotter, Timor Steffens.

It’s true. An inside voice spoke to US Weekly yesterday and confirmed that Madge and Timor are done.

“Madonna politely asked Timor to take his luggage and leave. He packed up and said they were done.”

(Via: US Weekly)

The insider doesn’t explain the reason behind the split, but something must have happened to break the spell. Some will blame it on supernatural forces working against such an unhallowed of couplings. Others will say that it was bound to happen the first time Madonna wanted to have sex with the lights on.

Of course there will be those who assume that Madge dumped Timor because, after nine months of asking him, “What’s your name again?” her geriatric lady parts needed a break from the whole sorry assed business.

Either which way, you should look out for Madonna in the tribal lands of North Africa this Christmas where she’ll be looking to pick up a new baby and a toy-boy on a two-for-one deal.

legals,Melanie Sykes,police caution,Jack Cockings,rescinded,court,lawyer,When Melanie Sykes married Jack Cockings back in May of last year her parents pulled black veils over their faces, closed all the curtains and refused to go out, because they were too ashamed to be related to a Cockings.

By November of the same year they were able to open the curtains and hold their heads up high again because Melanie had slapped that Cockings out of her home and far far away.

Unfortunately for Melanie slapping Cockings out of her home got her arrested and subsequently given a police caution for common assault.  The story quickly spread everywhere and has remained a constant reminder to Melanie of what a giant disappointment she has been to her parents.

Until now.

The news broke last night that Melanie has taken the police to court because she was fearful that her good name was being permanently linked to domestic violence. She told the court that Cockings had made that slap stuff up because he wanted the media to give him some attention. She said she was NOT GUILTY of slapping a Cockings.

It’s not clear if the judge demanded to see Melanie’s original polygraph test but what is clear is that court believed her. Melanie’s police caution has now been withdrawn and deleted from the records.

Reputation restored! Here’s Melanie’s lawyer;

“This has been a testing time for Melanie.

“She believed strongly that it was necessary and appropriate to take legal action – not least for the sake of her children.”

I really want to throw money at my laptop because I want to own Melanie’s polygraph results. But I’m going to wait. Eventually Melanie will have to take another polygraph test after that Keniro chap presses charges against her for doing whatever she’s doing to him in that picture above. I’d rather own those results instead (not really).

Nicola It’s Over.

by Mike D.W on August 20, 2014

in Celebrity

Nicola McLean,Tom Williams,married,split,glamour model,sexy,tits,boobs,middle fingered,picture,Twitter,If you’re squinting at the picture above and thinking to yourself that Nicola McLean has just middle fingered her gigalo husband Tom Williams, that’s not what she doing. No, this is an outtake from the new “Keep Calm And Carry On” poster.

I made that up, of course Nicola’s middle fingering her soon to be ex-husband. And who can blame her?

After telling Tom that he’s a disgusting shameless man-tramp who broke their marriage with his bull dozing genitals, Nicola has now told Reveal magazine all about him.

Here’s an extract from her interview. This is the part where Nicola suggests that she is about to file divorce papers and legally make Tom her ex-husband:

“I’ve known my marriage has been over for months, but I’ve been fighting it. I’m the lowest I’ve ever felt. Everyone sees me as a strong, hard-faced bitch, when actually I’m just an insecure girl who wanted her marriage to work.

I’m not perfect, but I’ve been 100 per cent faithful to my husband, marriage and children, and I can take that away from this.”

(Via: Reveal Magazine)

Y’know, if only Twitter came in 3D. That picture above would then fill the room with hate-eyes, middle fingers, spitting, plate-smashing and burning jumpsuits.

Yes Twitter, 3D way to go.

Princess Diana,Shrine,Althorpe estate,abandoned,overgrown, Next month it will be 30 years since Princess Diana gave birth to that ray of ginger coloured sunlight we all know as Prince Harry. The thought of Harry twerking around the dance floor of his birthday party would normally make the top of my Things That Are Tragic list. But I can’t say that this month.

No, this month it is 17 years since Princess Diana died in that tragic car accident in Paris and her former personal chefDarren McGrady says that this month is an especially sad month here in England.

Not only are the clouds covering the sun and everyone’s gone in hibernation but Darren has written (in a blog post) that Diana’s brother, Earl Charles Spencer has abandoned her final resting place at the Althorp estate in Northamptonshire.

The burial site is situated on an island in the middle of a lake called the Round Oval. Diana’s shrine is a classical temple on the lake shore. It has been there since the 1900s. It was always a place of quiet contemplation for visitors, but unfortunately it is no longer open to the public. An arboretum of rare trees surrounds the Princess’s temple, some of which were planted by Diana herself and some by her sons, Princes William and Harry.

Darren, who visted Althorp recently says that Diana’s island is now an overgrown mess. Her island is covered with weeds, the lake is full of algae and the trees and bushes look like they haven’t been trimmed since the day she was buried there. Darren says that even the paint on the memorial is blistered and looks ‘more like a garden shed at the bottom of some garden rather than a shrine to the once most photographed woman on Earth.’

It’s one thing to violate the laws of everything we hold dear by wandering around with a face that sort of looks like the moon but it’s quite another to abandon the memory of the People’s Princess to the elements. What do you think?

Thumbnail image for LEGALS: Cliff Richard Calls In Rumpole of the Bailey.

LEGALS: Cliff Richard Calls In Rumpole of the Bailey.

August 19, 2014 Celebrity

Britain’s Grand Dame of RocknRoll isn’t about to let the police or the media turn his ‘situation’ into another OJ Simpson trail. No sir. When a miniaturised Rumpole Of The Bailey doll arrived at Sir Cliff Richard’s Portugal home yesterday it led reporters to conclude that Ian Burton of BCL Burton Copeland is now representing the singer in his fight […]

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Prime Minister Announces Crack Down On Soft Porn Music Videos.

August 18, 2014 Celebrity

Our esteemed leader, David Cameron says that he feels our pain whenever he sees recycled trash like Miley Cyrus terrorising our children with videos of hairless beavers gasping for breath whilst being strangled in undersized leotards. Yes it’s true, Mr Cameron says that the government may be deaf, but it’s not blind. They fully understand why decent minded […]

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Thumbnail image for Sir Ian Botham: The Picture That Nobody Asked For.

Sir Ian Botham: The Picture That Nobody Asked For.

August 18, 2014 Celebrity

Sir Ian Botham’s Twitter handle is @BeefyBotham. I know, it sounds like the name of a mob boss or a butcher turned amateur rapper. Anyway, I like it and so it appears does a horrid hacker horribulous. Sir Beefy says that his Twatter was hacked this morning after a truly remarkable picture of a resplendent penis appeared on his timeline with the caption: “What […]

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Thumbnail image for Julian Assange To Give Himself Up.

Julian Assange To Give Himself Up.

August 18, 2014 Celebrity

Taking a quick break from our usual program of littering the internet with irrelevant confetti NMi is bringing you this top breaking news story from the world of treasonous publishers hiding out in foreign embassies. According to sources, Julian Assange is due to take the walk of shame today when he finally leaves the Ecuadorian embassy in […]

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Jessica Alba Had A Little Trouble With Her Skirt.

August 15, 2014 Celebrity

At a time when Sir Cliff Richard faces the possibility of telling the police his torrid tales of a tainted todger and the suspected wife killer, Shrien Dewani is declared as mentally stable as Louis Suarez, here I am telling you that there’s no news about. Well there isn’t any news. I’ve checked all the gossip columns and all […]

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Thumbnail image for Nicola’s Three Of A Kind Sees Off Husband’s One Eyed Royal.

Nicola’s Three Of A Kind Sees Off Husband’s One Eyed Royal.

August 15, 2014 Celebrity

Finding out that 32 year-old Nicola McLean is going to be a single Mum is like finding a grey hair growing in your eyebrows. We’re getting old. After 5 years of being married to a gamblegasming loser Nicola says she’s done with his pokering, porn capers and Sin City sinning. Yes, she’s done being married to Tom […]

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Thumbnail image for Police Raid Cliff Richard’s House Following Sex Abuse Claims.

Police Raid Cliff Richard’s House Following Sex Abuse Claims.

August 14, 2014 Celebrity

I guess it was only a matter of time before Fleet Street added Sir Cliff Richard’s name to their creepy piece of trash list. Earlier today the police raided Sir Cliff’s house in Berkshire after receiving allegations of a historical sex offence. What seems to have happened here is that a man told the South Yorkshire police that back in […]

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Thumbnail image for LEGALS: Innocent Bus Lane Abused By Ray Winston.

LEGALS: Innocent Bus Lane Abused By Ray Winston.

August 14, 2014 Celebrity

I find that watching Ray Winston doing those Bet365 ads on TV not only offensive but about as nasty as having a sex dream about one of my relatives. I know what you’re saying, “It must be a slow news day if you’re posting about Ray Winston’s unsavoury ass.” Well it’s the opposite of that, thankyouverymuch. […]

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August 13, 2014 Celebrity

This picture of baby Eric having a special moment with his father’s panting chest fluff was probably inspired by a Sultry Mermaid cocktail made with crab juice and Tabasco sauce. Simon Cowell posted it to his Twatter this evening with the caption “Taking After Daddy.” As a father myself I sometimes wonder if my black heart would have […]

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