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Bill Cosby Admits Rape.

Bill Cosby,drug,rape,admits,newsmediaimages.com

Bill Cosby, comedian, celebrity star, TV dad and thirty-five-times alleged rapist has finally had to admit to drugging women that he wanted to have sex with.

Yesterday, despite Bill Cosby incoherently babbling about his innocence, the tenacious Associated Press were able to persuade a judge in Pennsylvania to release vital testimony which was given by Cosby (under oath) back in 2005.

In the testimony Cosby confessed to drugging and assaulting Andrea Constand, a former employee of Temple University where Cosby sat on the board.

In 2005 Andrea accused the pompous mound of self righteousness of drugging and sexually assaulting her at his mansion in Philadelphia in 2004.

During his testimony, Cosby was forced to admit that not only had he drugged the resistance out of Andrea but that he also frequently bought Quaaludes with the sole intention of “drugging” the women with whom he wanted to have sex.

The lawsuit was eventually settled for an undisclosed sum in 2006.

However this isn’t great news for the assemblage of women who remain adamant that Bill Cosby put his dick into them after they too were given something from his creepy drug kit. (Buy one here.)

No. The statute of limitations has run out on pretty much every rape accusation levied against Cosby. That means there’s no court or jury full of shop workers who will ever get to determine Bill Cosby’s legal culpability.

Maybe this is why Cosby has been heard joking about the accusations in the truck-stop amphitheatres that he performs in these days.


If you’re wondering where that Noooooo sound is coming from it’s probably Chloe Goins. Chloe is the model who told the Daily Mail how she met Cosby when she was just 18 years old. She met him back in 2008 during a party held at the Playboy Mansion. Chloe claims that Cosby gave her a drink and then “everything kind of went a little foggy.”

Chloe explained how she woke up in a bedroom completely naked only to find Bill Cosby sucking on her toes and masturbating. When she asked what was going on … Cosby allegedly pulled up his trousers and ran from the room.

The interesting part about that drug/rape allegation is that it allegedly occured in 2008 and therefore does fall within the Statute of Limitations, meaning Cosby could still be prosecuted.

I don’t know what Billy Cosby’s big ticket lawyers are advising him but I imagine their recommendations will probably involve some form of STFU money leaving their client account.

Tabatha Lee Grooms – Beau Basher Arrested.

Tabatha Lee Grooms,arrests,newsmediaimages.com

Meet Tabatha Lee Grooms. Tabatha hails from Augusta, Georgia. Her boyfriend, 30-year-old Carlos Rodrecus Grace says you should stay as far away from his pet goblin as possible. Especially when she’s horny.

No, it doesn’t pay to get too close to Tabitha Lee Grooms when she’s horny because she gets off on punching people in the face.

Last week Tamabtha Lee Grooms got very very horny. However, for reasons I just cannot explain Carlos refused all her sexual advances. I mean really, he did. So Tabatha went out and got drunk. When she returned home she punched her 66-year-old Mum – who shares the house with them – in the eye. Then she punched her rancid trouser snake boyfriend in the face and sank her teeth into his arm.

Carlos, the useless eunuch just sat there and took it but Tabatha’s Mum called the police. Tabatha was subsequently arrested at the scene of the crime and then charged with simple battery and family violence before being hauled off to Richmond County Jail.

For your continued entertainment may I suggest you read the Richmond County Sheriff’s report here because it’s funny as a funny bean in a funny bag.

But y’know, I kinda understand where poor old Carlos is coming from. I mean, Tabatha Lee Grooms is exactly the kind of putrid smelling beast that no man could possibly delight with a porkzilla surprise. No siree…you can tickle your genitals and pretend as much as you like but an erectile over-ride is all that would happen here.

If my other half looked like Tabatha then I’d lock her ugly mess in a darkened room. Maybe I’d keep her in the woods under a wire net. Underground perhaps, I don’t know where I’d keep her. I do know that if she ever asked me for sexy times then I’d politely inform her NOOO!

But that’s just me. A mite picky.

Source: The Smoking Gun

“Kerry Katona.. Who Cares?”

Kerry Katona,Splits,george kay,newsmediaimages.com

Sometimes you have to make a baby with an unemployed loser before you can properly gauge their long term viability. However, Kerry Katona must have known there was something wrong with George Kay the first time he was detained under the mental health act.

Dan Wooton over at the Sun certainly knew. Yes, Dan knows everything about Kerry Katona. For example in his Bizarre column today Dan writes that Kerry’s marriage to George is all but over. “On the Rocks” he says!

Is this true? I wasn’t so sure so I sent an email to someone who is very very close to Kerry Katona, and I asked them about Dan’s story. The reply was the quote that you see in the headline above.

If you’re asking me if my source was simply covering for Kerry Katona, the answer is a definitive, how the hell should I know? I didn’t exactly torture the lady.

However in my email I do confess to drawing an “angry face” with arrows and slash marks to indicate that I’m not messing around and that I needed the truth. However my drawing may have looked like a laughing Chinese man in a hat, so I’m not sure my source fully understood what I meant.

When it comes to why Kerry may have called quits on her marriage, I have two theories.

First: While she realises the impact that a divorce may have on her young children, no marriage is big enough to get in the way of a happy and healthy family life.

Second: She realises that nobody gives much of a shit if she splits up with George or not, so just like the general apathy surrounding her entire life, here she is trying to get a little attention. Again.

I really can’t put my finger on which one it is, though.

I know, who cares?

Mila Kunis: Mind Your Own Business.

Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher,married,newsmediaimages.com

Nobody wants to be seen romancing a buffoon and that’s why the news surrounding Mila Kunis’ marriage to Ashton Kutcher is a little sketchy to say the least. After reading about their ‘secret marriage’ in People magazine the busy MailOnline say that they tried to contact the new Mrs Kutcher for further information.

Unfortunately for everyone the MailOnline were told to ‘go away in short jerky movements.’ Or something like that. It’s none of your business said Mrs Kutcher. According to all the monkeys who clapped their hands together at London Zoo yesterday what Mila Kunis said was a very brave thing to say. After all it takes guts to tell the world’s biggest English speaking website to fuck-off.

Lets face it, even though we all knew about it, Mila Kunis’ relationship with Ashton Kutcher has been a secret for some time now. However, I don’t really care about the secrecy of the union what I really want to know is if Ashton is still learning to speak Russian. Really, I do.  Once Ashton has learned Russian then he will finally understand all the terrible things that his father-in-law is saying about him.

I guess that’s a question the MailOnline wanted to ask Mila as well.

One day Ashton will sit down and write his auto-biography and tell us how it felt to move on from his grannies bridge partner and how he made a career out of an idiot’s grin and a baseball hat. The rest of the book will consist of photographs of himself laughing while wiping his ass with thousand dollar bills.

He’ll probably title it “Smell The Bottom Line” …. or something like that.

Karen Danczuk – There’s No Sex Tape.

Karen Danczuk,sex,newsmediaimages.com

Whenever somebody tells me about their sex life I can’t help thinking one thing. Unless it involves Liz Hurley and two donkeys, then I’ve heard it all before. Still, some people just insist on sharing. Especially people like Karen Danczuk who must be getting a bit desperate now.

Here’s why. Yesterday Karen was quoted by the Sun newspaper as saying that her marriage to Labour MP Simon Danczuk was “sexless”. Karen, who continues to deny she’s had a fling with her personal trainer Ben Bate, was also reported as saying that she thought her husband was having an affair because they stopped sleeping together.

 Apparently she said:

“There was no sex and we weren’t even kissing by the end. I stopped fancying him and we had no spark left. I used to think, ‘If he is cheating, then he’s not coming to me for it’, which was a relief.”

(Via: The Sun)

You don’t need to give Karen much of an opening to brag about her humping habits. I would investigate these claims further but to be honest I’m starting to feel a little queasy. Plus Karen didn’t mention donkeys.

I don’t know, maybe these two were never truly in love. That said, I’m pretty sure that being on the business end of a penis two hours after the door to your marriage closes does rather qualify you as a “Good Time Girl.”  Well, “Good Fun” at the very least.

Now to the big rumour of the day. Twitter. Karen Danczuk has made a sex tape. Seriously? Are we being serious? Karen Danczuk. Having sex? And she filmed it. Seriously?

Jesus Christ.

It isn’t true. It can’t be. Not Karen Danczuk. I mean look, here’s the tape.

Alesha Dixon: Sung Song Wrong.

Alesha Dixon,Grand prix,National Anthem,newsmediaimages.com

When you read this do please keep in mind that every single person who writes a website is a blithering idiot. Like Alesha Dixon here who sang the national anthem at the British Grand Prix yesterday. Many are saying that it was the worst version that they’ve ever heard.

For reasons best known to herself, Alesha Dixon decided to sing her rendition of God Save The Queen in an American accent. However what’s upset all the national newspapers is the fact that she got the words wrong. “God Save Our Queen” rather than “God Save The Queen”.

It’s understandable why Alesha messed up. The National Anthem is unnecessarily complicated and long winded for a ditty that only gets sung at the Royal Variety Performance, Royal Ascot, Henley Royal Regatta and the last night of the Proms.

In fairness to Alesha Dixon there’s a lot of pressure that goes with performing in front of 100,000 speed freaks and a national TV audience. What is not forgivable is the way Alesha sang. Think drunken hobo screaming over a chainsaw while a public school boy belts out a Vice Regal Salute on the playing fields of Eaton.

That said, posh people always freak out when pop people sing the national anthem like this. They really should be more tolerant. Like me. I’m trying to heal our world with my gentle and supportive website.