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Nicola McLean – Boob Flash.


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People who focus on Nicola McLean’s taste in men should consider focusing on her boobs instead. I don’t know about you but I find it’s a great way for discovering the positive things about people.

Take the Sunday Mirror for example. They know exactly what I’m talking about. Today they’re reporting on how Nicola’s black dress went completely see-through under the glare of paparazzi flash guns as she attempted to become the most popular girl at an expensive nightclub in Essex. Expensive? Essex?

Shit like this is so obvious and yet it always works. I bet loads of people told Nicola McLean just how bloody amazing she looked.

Me? I would’ve dropped a couple of pound coins down her cleavage, jumped on board and then waited for her to start bouncing.

And yes, that’s why I never get invited to these kind of parties.

But y’know, Nicola has two commercially viable skills: flashing her boobs and telling dirty jokes. The moment these two trolloping party tricks stop then Fleet Street and social media ignore her.

Well, except for the time when I un-followed her on Twitter for being unable to tweet intelligently even by my standards. (Minor footnote for her Wikipedia page.)

Oh that’s no kind of an accurate assessment is it. Thanks to Instagram, absentee fathers and pop stars like Miley Cyrus, the pendulum seems to be swinging back in favor of women (like Nicola) receiving copious amounts of press attention for their boobie antics.

Glamour models have always been seen as statements of style, regardless of their lack of knowledge of the alphabet. Sometimes, when a women like Nicola Mclean hears the clanging of the intellectual bell, she’ll think it’s in some way dehumanizing her.

To understand the world of women like Nicola McLean, just imagine being an idiot with cash. Actually I’ve never heard anybody say they wished they could be like Nicola, but I’ve heard plenty of women saying that they wished they had her body.

I also heard a man with an thick German accent say that he wanted to have her marinating in his freezer. Germans are like that, super friendly but strange. Still, I’ve reported him to Interpol.

And finally. To those of you that read The Independent On Sunday. This might seem callous but ask yourself this, what does the world most want to see: tits or politicians?

Simon Cowell – Hypnotised By A Dog.


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Over at The Sun-on-Sunday, they have the story of Simon Cowell “collapsing” during during Britain’s Got Talent auditions after being hypnotised by a dog.

In their story The SOS are reporting that a woman had entered the talent show saying that her dog, Princess could hypnotise people by holding eye contact.

Apparently on Friday at Manchester’s Lowry Theatre Simon Cowell left his judging chair and took to the stage to meet Princess face to face. He looked deep into that mutts eyes. Nothing happened. But when Simon returned to his seat he told his fellow judges (Amanda Holden, Alesha Dixon and David Walliams) that he felt a bit strange. [click to continue…]

Suge Knight Charged With Murder.


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Suge Knight, the music producer too fat to dance, has been formally arrested on murder charges after allegedly killing a man in a hit-and-run incident.

Suge Knight, who hasn’t gone a day without committing a crime since being expelled from kindergarten for drug smuggling is denying murder. He says his giant fat head was being punched by two men and that it was all just a misunderstanding. [click to continue…]

Gwyneth Paltrow Steam Cleans It.


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Goop editor Gwyneth Paltrow is recommending that her readers steam clean their lady parts. According to numerous reports in today’s papers, Gwyneth shoots scented steam up her love tunnel to stop it looking wrinkly and disheveled.

Here’s how it works. [click to continue…]

ArtPopper – Clockwork Orange.


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ArtPopper: A Clockwork Orange was a crime film released back in 1971. The film was adapted from Anthony Burgess’ 1962 novel of the same name. It was produced and directed by Stanley Kubrick.

The film employed a catalogue of violence, juvenile delinquency, gang culture and other socio-political issues in a cacotopia future Britain. [click to continue…]

Madonna – Interview On Drugs.


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Madonna has given an interview to MOJO magazine. She talked to them about drugs. Those lovely lovely drugs.

As you know, Madonna is forever reminding us about her Photoshopped lady parts but I think this interview with MOJO magazine was different to any interview she’s ever given. [click to continue…]

ArtPopper: Dewed Dandelion.


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ArtPopper: Inspiration can come at any time, from anything anywhere. Some say it is an uncontrollable need to create something. Inspiration can come from a television program, a film, reading a book, memories or life changing events.

Take that picture above for example. It’s called DEWED DANDELION and it’s by Mike D.W aka Artpopper. [click to continue…]

Abbey Clancy Has A Nice Mum.


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Abbey Clancy and her mum Karen Sullivan have been featured in this month’s issue of RED magazine.

If you’re wondering if they were featured in RED because they’ve been running their own mother-daughter porn site, they haven’t.

No, when your daughter flashes her underwear in grown up magazines lady journalists want to ask how proud you feel  – while kissing your ass. [click to continue…]