Daniella-Westbrook-HomelessThere can be no ego more fragile than that of celebrity’s. Which is why poor Danniella Westbrook has been forced to quit Twitter. Over the weekend the former EastEnders actress took to Twitter and said that she was leaving the site because the constant abuse was tipping her “over the edge.”

None of the aforegoing is in the least bit funny. Unless you’re an internet troll, then trust me, it’s fucking hilarious.

I think everyone knows that Danniella is an ex-drug addict who has fallen on desperately hard times. Earlier this month we heard how she’s living in sheltered accommodation with her two children, Jody and Kai. There is no TV to entertain them. Just a bedside radio, their mobile phones and Twitter. Danniella has no money, her acting work has all dried up and there’s no man looking out for her. She’s desperate and all alone.

On Saturday evening Danniella received a bunch of twisted tweets from a Twitter troll calling himself Viking_Dad1976. His vile messages told Daniella that she should kill herself, take an overdose, do her kids a favour. 

Danniella tried in vain to defend herself, she pleaded with the troll to stop. She tweeted: “The person who’s tweeting me telling me to go & o.d and do my kids a favour this Christmas. Please stop its really evil at this time.” But the troll wouldn’t stop.

There was a lot more from the troll, too evil to print here but eventually poor fragile Danniella had suffered enough. She burst into floods of helpless tears and then posted the desperate tweet you see below.

Westbrook-tweets-quits-twitter

So there you have it – a fragile soul appears on Twitter hoping that her followers will reassure her that everything is going to be ok and then an anonymous troll crawls out from the damp cracks of the Internet and forces her to leave.

And here’s my message to the anonymous troll.

Oh, you dumb-ass troll. You’re too lazy for proxies. You may have deleted your Twitter account but the police will soon track your IP address back to the filthy housing block that you call home. England is not a super big place. Already the police’s GPS is saying ‘that way’ and pointing right at you.

You’re not an anonymous troll anymore, you’re a nailed troll. See you in court.


Farage Bans Twitter.

by Mike D.W on December 21, 2014

in Celebrity,Social Media

Alessandra Ambrosio-ukipOne of the fun things about being a member of UKIP is the world of social media. If a member spends their every waking moment tweeting incredibly stupid things they then have to delete it almost immediately.

However, there’s still a chance that someone from the Daily Mail has already screen grabbed it. The offending tweet is then reprinted in the paper and an awful lot of people get offended by the tweet in question.

Now UKIP party leader Nigel Farage has had enough of that unruly mess. He’s tired of paying scores of retarded teens to wade through his party members tweets about gay marriage, women priests, immigration reform, human rights protests in Ramsgate, people setting themselves on fire in Hartlepool, breast feeding at Claridges and tranny attention seekers kissing each other in public.

No. Social media is not fun if you’re the only one enjoying it. That’s why both Nigel and UKIP have withdrawn their digital stamp of approval from all tweets which bear the party logo.

Here’s snippet from their constitution;

“Party members shall refrain from using the Ukip logo in terms of their online postings, including avatars, unless they have express written consent to do so from the party leader, the party chairman, the party secretary, the general secretary, the party director, the regional chairman or regional organiser for their region”.

Politicians all seem to think that Twitter is best left to diplomats and not a party’s incoherent social media army. Herein lies the fundamental flaw in all political marketing on social media.  For some reason their soul selling social media outlets don’t feature pictures of hot women. That’s a game changer right there. You can’t win an election without a cleavage.

It’s cute that politicos think their earnest twitterings are enough. But it’s like men who think that growing a beard will get them laid. Wake me Nigel when you’ve got some Brazilian supermodels in the mix. See Above.


Perez Hilton-CBB-Celebrity Big Brother-Katie Hopkins-contestants-TVThe producers of Celebrity Big Brother have announced that penis drawing blogger Perez Hilton has signed a contract worth £150,000 to enter the CBB house in January.

So, a closeted gay will have his intimate sexual thoughts broadcast on live TV. Oh Celebrity Big Brother – turning “Z-listers” into dumb bitches since 2001. That’s terrible.

Other celebrity contestants who are rumoured to be entering the house are: Katie Hopkins, Calum Best, Danniella Westbrook, Stephen Belefonte and Josie Cunningham.

Actually, the thing I love about Perez is that he’s been waging bitchy slap fights with celebrities for years. The only thing is no one knows why. However, my question today is this:

How in the name of discount vagina spray is Perez going to survive that goblin-faced piece-of-poo Katie Hopkins?

Now that is a bitchy question and one for which I don’t have an answer. Another question. Can two of the world’s ‘most famous entertainers’ ever become friends?

Well why not. I mean, Perez? That smiley face? Yes, anything’s possible.

Anyway lets put these silly questions behind us and draw a penis on a picture of Josie Cunningham instead.

(No, lets not)


Tony Blair-Wendi-Deng-Affair-Interview-economist-politics|Regular readers will know that we don’t normally do politics here on NMi. However, according to some we’re not doing the ‘fifth estate’ the justice it deserves if we don’t throw a bouquet of bitchiness at a politician occasionally.

So behold, Mike D.W – the David Brent of political reporters!

Tony Blair’s name has hit the headlines today. The reason? Well of course it’s that alleged affair with Wendi Deng again.

Earlier this year our former Prime Minister made headlines around the world after it was alleged that he’d had an affair with Rupert Murdock’s wife, Wendi Deng. This prompted Rupert’s grumpy old testicle face to divorce her practically overnight.

This week, in a article titled The loneliness of Tony Blair the esteemed Economist magazine asked Mr Blair a direct question about the alleged affair with Deng. And guess what? Mr Blair refused to answer it.

“This is not something I will ever talk about—I haven’t so far and I won’t now”.

(via: The Economist)

And with that he slammed down his coffee mug with such force that it spilt everywhere and made everyone in the room jump. According to the magazine a large pool of sweat then appeared under Mr Blair’s armpit.

Yes, a nasty business all round.

But is all this entirely fair? After all Arnold Schwarzenegger once said that Tony Blair should rank alongside JFK, Nelson Mandela, Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev as one of the greatest leaders of all time.

Ronald Reagan?! Set the drug sniffer dogs on Arnold!

There. A post on politics. Nearly.


Thumbnail image for Poor Sinitta.

Poor Sinitta.

December 19, 2014 Celebrity

While serving up his annual “Christmas in Barbados” pictures, Simon Cowell went for an old-fashioned paparazzi stroll down the beach. He took his two dogs, Squiddly and Diddly, his gold digging fiancee, Lauren Silverman and the crestfallen tag-a-long we all know as Sinitta.  What a mess. I’m sure Lauren has told Sinitta a million times that there’s no room for an ex-lover’s shit in […]

More
Thumbnail image for Program Note: Sponsored By A Blackmailing Hacker.

Program Note: Sponsored By A Blackmailing Hacker.

December 18, 2014 Celebrity

For the past few days, NMi has been dealing with a blackmailing hacker who just wouldn’t go away. I’ve bitched about it on Twitter a few times. It felt like an obese burping frog had got stuck in our server. We tried everything but to no avail. NMi was down, our pile of scandalous scribbles seemingly unplugged from the world wide web forever. […]

More
Thumbnail image for MEL B and Stephen Belafonte – To Sue or Not To Sue, That Is The Question.

MEL B and Stephen Belafonte – To Sue or Not To Sue, That Is The Question.

December 16, 2014 Celebrity

Today, while the world’s diamonds slowly lose their sparkle millions of ducks have begun quacking and it’s all because the Sun Newspaper have reported that Mel B has left her husband Stephen Belafonte. Yes indeed, it’s a sad day for everyone when love between a duck basher and a vinegar-scented Barbie goes numb and dies. However, while strolling through the Sun’s report today it was easy to see how their story is […]

More
Thumbnail image for Lily Allen Threatens To Leave Twitter.

Lily Allen Threatens To Leave Twitter.

December 14, 2014 Celebrity

Good morning everyone and guess what? In news that we’ll all continue to post about for years to come the Daily Mail has reported how Mel B missed her slot on last night’s X Factor. A tummy problem they say. Anyways, things may not going well for Mel B but they’re going SO WELL for all of us. Why? Because Lily Allen has threatened to quit social […]

More
Thumbnail image for RIDICULOUS STORY: Queen Arrested For Drugs.

RIDICULOUS STORY: Queen Arrested For Drugs.

December 12, 2014 Celebrity

Her Majesty The Queen was arrested last night for possession of illegal drugs and given a warning by London police. This was Queen’s second drug related arrest. Last year, she was arrested on suspicion of possessing drugs after she was found passed out in her car near London’s Hyde Park. If you forced me to make up the worlds most ridiculous story, […]

More
Thumbnail image for BOE Publish New Mortgage Lenders and Administrators Statistics.

BOE Publish New Mortgage Lenders and Administrators Statistics.

December 12, 2014 Money Matters

The Bank of England, together with the Financial Conduct Authority have released the latest Mortgage Lenders and Administrators Statistics for the United Kingdom. The figures cover the third quarter of 2014. The data, which is published quarterly was compiled from the Mortgage Lenders & Administrators Return from information provided by regulated firms. The total of outstanding residential […]

More
Thumbnail image for Girl Online: Zoe Didn’t Quit The Internet.

Girl Online: Zoe Didn’t Quit The Internet.

December 10, 2014 Celebrity

Welcome to another slow-ass news day where nothing is going on except Kim Kardashian’s bottom, Katie Price’s boobs and some ugly bitches who clearly want a first-class ticket to hell. Oh where to begin? I’m writing a novel. It’s for children. I’ve written the first chapter. I get blogging but I’m not very good at writing novels. Not like Zoe Sugg, […]

More
Thumbnail image for Danielle Lloyd’s Marriage Gets A Decree Nisi Today.

Danielle Lloyd’s Marriage Gets A Decree Nisi Today.

December 10, 2014 Celebrity

Jamie O’Hara and Danielle Lloyd had 3 children during their seemingly happy marriage, but now those children are orphans (or whatever) because their Mum and Dad’s marriage is being rubber stamped with a Decree Nisi today. Danielle filed for divorce back in September after she saw pictures of her philandering husband enjoying a night out with […]

More
Thumbnail image for Sara Puts The X In XMAS.

Sara Puts The X In XMAS.

December 9, 2014 Celebrity

Santa’s eyes are smiling today because Sara X has just put the X in Xmas. In her latest video Sara delivers her boob-ballet to Jingle Bells and it’s no surprise that her video is already a viral hit. ITV should definitely slip Sara into Ant and Dec’s upcoming Christmas Show. More exposure for Sara. Make […]

More