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Katie Hopkins and Euthanasia Vans.

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The Katie Hopkins cultural pollution tour continues. This week it visited the Radio Times. In a sparklingly stupid interview Mrs Hopkins said that she is “super-keen on euthanasia vans” as there are “far too many old people” still living in Britain today.

In the interview with Michael Buerk, our attention seeking hate troll was asked what she would do “If Katie Hopkins ruled the world”.

Her response?

“Right… We just have far too many old people. It’s ridiculous to be living in a country where we can put dogs to sleep but not people.

The solution is easy. Euthanasia vans – just like ice-cream vans – that would come to your home… It would all be perfectly charming. They might even have a nice little tune they’d play. I mean this genuinely.

I’m super-keen on euthanasia vans. We need to accept that just because medical advances mean we can live longer, it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.”

(Via: Radio Times)

I don’t know what to say. Really I don’t. Katie Hopkins is running out of things to lose at. Just the sight of her contrived demonic face (see above) instinctively makes you want to locate the neighbourhood children and confirm their safety.

Hopkins is known for being a ton of shit who receives extensive media coverage because the nation overwhelmingly hates her. She is the perfect pin-up girl for the psychotically insane.

It should be interesting to see who Mrs Hopkins hate slaps in her weekly column in the Sun this week. It’s due out on Friday.

Or is it?

Maybe after this Mrs Hopkins’ time as a Sun columnist will be brought to an end. After all no newspaper can stand idly by while an evangelical style redneck alienates it’s entire readership.

Who knows, we’ll have to wait and see but don’t worry Mrs Hopkins, you’ll be ok, Kim Jong Un probably needs a few new pastors over in North Korea.

Source: Guardian

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Lord Sewel Had Lofty Sex With BBC Star.

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The Sun newspaper has discovered the cause of earthquakes at the House of Lords: Lord Sewel, slutty women, adultery and fornication. And you thought it was shifting tectonic plates? Oh, silly you.

In their latest tale of rough tumble and sleeze the Walmart of the newspaper industry has continued to report on that hobbit looking coke fiend, Baron Buttifant Sewel.

Today they’ve revealed how the 69 year-old peer of the realm claimed that he humped a married BBC star on a dirty old mattress in his attic.

The paper writes:

Lord Sewel spotted a married BBC star on TV as he romped with two hookers and bragged: “I had her in the attic.”

The disgraced peer made the claim during a cocaine-and-sex party at his rent-protected flat

Sewel, 69, calmly blurted out, “I f***** her”, before making his attic boast to the call girls. 

He first spilled the beans two years ago — but the topic came up again last Wednesday as he enjoyed drug-fuelled sex games at his home in Pimlico, central London. 

Married Sewel was so eager to talk of his adultery, he even spelled out the name of his famous lover. 

He described the alleged tryst as a “one-off shag” — because “she was happily married”. 

He also proudly revealed the programme she works on.

The Sun last night approached the woman named by Lord Sewel as his lover. She said: “This is categorically untrue.”

Because the lady has denied all knowledge of the event she therefore remains unnamed.

I mean wot! A BBC presenter refusing to talk about an auspicious event in history other than to deny that it ever took place? This is exactly why politics, newspapers and the BBC need to be kept apart.

Seriously, there can be nothing worse than a BBC presentress who needs to be reminded of the underlying principles of her chosen trade. And yes, I do understand why a ‘former journalist’ would prefer to interview a peer of the realm over a free coq au vin rather than have to suck his nuts in an attic. But still.

Because the lady in question has plenty of chums in the legal profession who will feign interest in any publisher who fails the reasonable persons test and inadvertently names their client, I won’t even suggest to you who she is. No sir. Not a word.

In the meantime Lord Sewel continues to own this scandal like a poster boy for sexually incompetent pensioners. Tally Ho Woof!

Bobbi Kristina Has Died.

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Whitney Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown is now in heaven. Yesterday afternoon Bobbi Kristina took the hand of an angel and was led up through the clouds to be reunited with her mother in the place of eternal peace. Bobbi Kristina died peacefully at the Peachtree Christian Hospice in Duluth, Georgia. She was just 22.

At the end of January, her brother/husband/boyfriend, Nick Gordon found Bobbi Kristina laying face down in a bathtub. She was rushed to hospital and put on a life support machine. Later she was placed in an induced coma. Bobbi Kristina stayed at the hospital for the next two months before her devastated family moved her to a rehabilitation center.

Last month, Bobbi Kristina was moved into a hospice after doctors said there was nothing more they could do and that her condition was getting worse. The family then took her off all medication.

The District Attorney has reportedly been investigating Nick Gordon, because he thinks Nick may have had something to do with why Bobbi Kristina lost consciousness lost in the first place. In a lawsuit Bobbi Kristina’s conservator has accused Gordon of stealing her money, physically abusing her and pretending to be her husband.

The Houston family said that Bobbi Kristina was surrounded by her family when she floated away to heaven. They released this statement.

“She is finally at peace in the arms of God. We want to again thank everyone for their tremendous amount of love and support during these last few months.”

Rest in peace, Bobbi Kristina.

ecommerce product photographyjWith ecommerce product photography, there is an essential need to both convey a product’s value and functionality whilst also inspiring customers to buy it. Where possible, it’s also important that product images are lean and able to load quickly.

This creates a challenge to produce high quality, attractive images that are also of a relatively small size. Although it’s not always an easy task to create a great quality image that is of a small file size, some of the world’s biggest retailers manage to do the job perfectly, meaning that it can be achieved with the right tools.

Image Compression Tools
There are a range of image compression tools available both free and paid. Whilst some of these tools are software that needs to be downloaded to and installed on a PC computer or laptop, others can be run entirely on the internet. A simple search for image compression tools on a search engine such as Google or Bing will yield a host of results, such as TinyPNG which is online-based, or Trimage , which is downloadable software that works on both Windows and Linux OS.

Photo Processing Software
Arguably the current best software for photo manipulation, Adobe Photoshop also includes a new and improved image generator designed for web developers. In the past, many web designers who utilised the tools provided by versions of Adobe Photoshop would use the ‘save for web’ option in order to ensure that their images were of the best possible quality at the lowest size available. Whilst this option is still available for those who prefer to use it, the new image generator creates better results of preparing images for use on the web and will output smaller files for the same compression level.

Photo Processing Scripts
Using a photo processing script may be one of the most effective and efficient ways to optimise a product image for both fast loading and appearance. Almost every programming language offers some kind of image processing, typically as a library. Whilst using these scripts or libraries often requires technical web developing skills, they are not hard to use once you have mastered the basics, and are capable of producing excellent results.

Camera Use
Although it is necessary to use some form of photo manipulation or image compression software to make your image suitable for use of the web once it’s taken, you can also make it easier to prepare your image for web use by adapting the settings on your camera accordingly. There are a range of cameras available which are able to take high quality images at low file sizes, so whether you take your own images or use a professional photographer from a company such as Fashot, it’s a good idea to ensure that your photographs are easy to manipulate for web use when you’re taking them.

Are you a web developer who’d like to add to the above list? Which method do you use, and why do you recommend it? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.

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Baron John Sewel – Cokie Pokey!

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Baron John Sewel might be wondering if there is anything more damaging to a peer’s reputation than allegations of him snorting cocaine and behaving like a slut.

It hasn’t been verified yet your Lordship but no, actually there isn’t.

John Buttifant Sewel, aka Baron Sewel CBE, BA, MScEcon, PhD, LL.D is the deputy speaker of the House of Lords. He is also the peer of the realm responsible for ‘overseeing standards‘ in the House of Lords.

Now, put down your coffee and brace yourself, because it turns out that the Sun-on-Sunday have published a story in which they claim to have obtained video footage of Baron John Sewel which apparently shows him snorting a ‘white substance’ through a rolled-up bank note.

The ‘terribles tabloïd’ have also claimed that the married peer partied with ladies whom they suspect of practicing ‘hookery’. HOOKERY!

Oh, I know, I couldn’t believe it either. The paper writes:

A MARRIED peer in charge of upholding standards in the House of Lords has been caught on video snorting cocaine with a pair of £200-a-night hookers. 

Baron John Sewel, 69 — Deputy Speaker of the Lords and once a key ally of ex-PM Tony Blair — stripped naked for one sleazy romp at his rent-protected London flat. 

Last month he was also pictured snorting coke with hookers at a sordid sex party after asking: “What about trying the big one?”

The peer, in charge of upholding standards in the House of Lords, sniffed the Class A drug from one call girl’s breasts.

And he told the women — each paid £200 for the session at his rent-protected London flat: “I just want to be led astray.’’

Sewel stripped naked for last week’s party, held behind the back of his wife Lady Jennifer.

(Via: Sun-on-Sunday)

So where is our hallowed Lordship today? Has he been hung, drawn and quartered, then left outside the Houses of Parliament for carrion birds to pick over as a warning to others? In a sense, yes he has but in another sense, no he hasn’t.

Last night Baron John Sewel slept in his own bed at his flat in London’s notorious Dolphin square. Today he will attempt the Sunday Times crossword and presumably struggle over five across which is a synonym for horny pensioner. Tomorrow he will go back to work and kick ass in the House of Lords.

And no, Baron John Sewel is not in any trouble with the police, none whatsoever. No charges of any kind have been filed against him. In fact I expect the police to bring him a plate of crumpets later today, just to prove that we live in a world where tabloid justice is most expeditious of court proceedings.

There, now everyone feels better. Let’s all get a proper job and join the House of Lords.

Picture mocked by: Artpopper.com.

Kate Moss Divorce And Katie Hopkins.

Kate Moss,katie Hopkins,divorce,newsmediaimages.comWelcome to another slow-ass news day. I’ve checked all the gossip columns this morning and there’s nothing is going on except for two tales of two Kates. Kate Moss and Katie Hopkins. For some time now both ladies have been on the nations highly coveted Stupid Cow List.

Today they’ve proved why they’re on that list. Lets start with Katie Hopkins.

Friday is the day in the week where Katie Hopkins gets to voice her half-assed opinions in the Sun newspaper.

While people across the world are dying from war, famine and disease, Katie covers the most important events of the week. This week she’s given her views on everything ranging from deluded vegans, seagulls and the loss of habitat for the lesser-spotted newt.

As usual Mrs Hopkins takes up most of her column inches tittering on about a range of mind numbing irrelevancies. However this week Mrs Horrible has also shown her hitherto unseen human side.

Here’s how.

Mrs Hopkins has penned a heartfelt letter to Jessica Lawson’s devastated family. You’ll remember how 12-year-old Jessica tragically drowned in France when a lakeside pontoon collapsed at a holiday camp while she was on a school trip.

Here’s a snippet:

“A mother must never lose a child before she dies, lest the natural order of life be disrupted.

I’m not sure there are answers for you in France. But there must be comfort in the closeness. 

And I just wanted to let you know, as a mum myself, that I am so sorry you have lost your baby.”

Via: The Sun

I hate myself for saying this but for the first time in like forever I have to agree with Mrs Hopkins. Well said Ma-am.

Now lets get set to rout Kate Moss.

There used to be a time when mothers could show off their nipples and the community would agree that they’d done their part. Not so Kate Moss. Over the years her “basic bitch” behaviour has been featured in all of the tabloid newspapers.

So many times has her unruly behaviour been featured that some believe Kate Moss should now be wrapped in a tyre and set on fire according to Sharia law.

For most women the end of a marriage comes about five minutes after they realise that they’re broke and their unemployed husband is a day away from blowing the housekeeping money on his next poker weekend. That’s how it goes for most couples at least.

Again, not so Kate Moss. The tabloids are all reporting that her husband Jamie Hince is waiting for her to file for divorce. Divorce!

An unnamed pal is quoted as saying:

“Jamie’s been clear that they’ve not been close for a long time. Kate’s always been beyond jealous about his female friends and he was sick of it.”

Not been close? Viagra has to be to blame here. While Kate Moss can still have sex while totally wasted, it’s nearly impossible for him.

“Jamie what are you doing in the living room with your ankles behind your head?”

Maybe there was a fist fight during a drunken night of Twister. Maybe the fridge started calling Jamie nasty names. I dunno, maybe it’s not too late to save their turbulent marriage of 4 years. Maybe if Jamie romanced Kate with a Smirnoff colonic then she’d not file the papers.

Of course there are a myriad of ways to deal with a fledgling divorce. If only they could only announce a pregnancy…. even from sperm donor.

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