How I got banned from ASDA
Posted By Michael Wheeler on January 6, 2010
Yesterday I was at my local ASADA buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my pet spaniel Murphy. I was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So, since I’ve a scurrilous sense of humor and had little else to do, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I’d lost 2stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I’m now banned from ASDA.
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About the author
Michael Wheeler
Michael Wheeler is a writer of spoofs satire and jokes. "Michael could do well if he applied himself and stopped being a disruptive influence."
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