Michael Wheeler | September 10, 2009
A few funny one liners to brighten your day. it’s sometimes difficult to find jokes and funnies that appeal to everyone. The Americans find things funny that the Brits just don’t. Hopefully everyone will see the funny side of today’s little gems!
“I left my phone at home this morning, I’ve just nipped home at lunchtime [...]
Michael Wheeler | September 8, 2009
A few one liners and a couple of jokes to brighten your morning! Hope you like them!
“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”
“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”
“What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.”
A guy goes over to his friend’s house, rings the [...]
Michael Wheeler | September 4, 2009
A few one liners from the Mr Gervais to brighten your day.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
“Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.”
“Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?”
“You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.”
“For sale: [...]
Michael Wheeler | September 3, 2009
Ricky’s back after having a day off. Actually few of you really went for Jimmy Carr yesterday so he’s left the stage!
So here are some one liners from Mr Gervais. Hope you like them. We did!
“My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela……incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he’s been out about 18 [...]
Michael Wheeler | September 1, 2009
A pollster is taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York. He approaches four men – a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker.
To each he says: “Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion about the current meat shortage…
” The Saudi replies: “Excuse me, what is a [...]
Michael Wheeler | August 31, 2009
Any stand up comedian will tell you the importance of controlling the audience. If you don’t they can destroy you very quickly . One method is to use fear…. fear that it could be them next. One such method of fear control is to pick on someone early in the routine, make everyone laugh at [...]
Michael Wheeler | August 30, 2009
“It’s always worried me that God forgot to include prohibitions on rape and child abuse in the Ten Commandments.
Then again, it’s never bothered the Catholic Church.”
“My perfect woman is pretty much like the church – rich, dumb, unaffected by age, all dressed up and respectable in public and kinky in private”
“I think a church [...]
Michael Wheeler | August 27, 2009
“I tried to give blood the other day, but the blood bank wouldn’t take it.
They wanted to know where I got it from.”
“When I’m bored, I like to scare Turkeys by locking them in my garage and playing them Christmas music.”
“I wouldn’t take the piss out of Amy Winehouse.
Why should I, her hairdresser’s already done [...]
Michael Wheeler | August 26, 2009
“I bought my neighbour some odour eaters for his birthday last month!.
I haven’t seen the smelly fucker since.”
“Who else’s heart skips for a split second when your girlfriend asks to use your computer?”
“If money is the root of all evil,why do churches beg for it ?”
“Me and my wife achieved simultaneous orgasms last night.
Unfortunately [...]
Michael Wheeler | August 25, 2009
I was surprised to learn that XL wasn’t an American airline.
I said to my Doctor, “I’ve become a can of deodorant.”
He said, “are you sure.” I replied, “no, I’m Lynx.”
I don’t know if I’m a pirate or a pyromaniac.
I can’t stop burning DVDs
Walking down Oxford Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign [...]
