Celebrity

Thumbnail image for Say Hello To Prince Harry’s New Girlfriend, Camilla Thurlow.

Say Hello To Prince Harry’s New Girlfriend, Camilla Thurlow.

August 31, 2014 Celebrity

There’s good news and bad news this morning. The good news is that Prince Harry’s new girlfriend is featured in the Mail on Sunday! The bad news is that she’s not a porn star. Well, you can’t have it all. The Sunday tabloid says that the tears of a thousand hopefuls are now flooding the […]

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Thumbnail image for The Great British Bake Off: Melt Down.

The Great British Bake Off: Melt Down.

August 28, 2014 Celebrity

The BBC don’t like messy exits. Murders, poisonings, suffocations are one thing but forcing the viewing public to watch a Great British Bake Off competitor having a bearded tantrum is quite another. On last night’s GBBO contestant, Iain Watters let out a silent scream after he discovered that a fellow contestant, 69 year-old Diana Bird […]

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Thumbnail image for Say Something Nice: Simon Cowell And Lauren Silverman.

Say Something Nice: Simon Cowell And Lauren Silverman.

August 28, 2014 Celebrity

Media mogulling Simon Cowell and the woman he knocked up, Lauren Silverman, hit the red carpet at the X-Factor press launch last night. They sure look happy together. In fact, I can’t tell who looks the happier – the man who ran off with his best friend’s wife or his best friends ex-wife who found a ridiculously […]

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Thumbnail image for Oh Rita!

Oh Rita!

August 27, 2014 Celebrity

The media, Instagram, Twitter and the Kardashian Klan are obviously in CAHOOTS today because there’s nothing going on. Nothing at all. It’s a very very slow news day. Again! I read that Kate Bush gave her first live concert for 35 years years last night and sang like a magical fairy on acid. But she didn’t […]

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Thumbnail image for Who’s Stalking Alison King?

Who’s Stalking Alison King?

August 26, 2014 Celebrity

Stalker people are so bizarre. Why would anyone want to stalk Coronation Street’s Alison King? I’ll admit that whenever I watch her on TV it feels like she’s talking to me and only me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to dress up as Batman to go through her trash. Okay, I might do that for Michelle Keegan, […]

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Thumbnail image for REST IN PEACE: Lord Richard Attenborough 1923 -2014.

REST IN PEACE: Lord Richard Attenborough 1923 -2014.

August 25, 2014 Celebrity

Thanks to sitting in front of an analog television for hours on end watching reruns of The Great Escape, I’m pretty sure the first words I learned to read were: ‘Richard Attenborough actor and film director.’ So my black heart is shedding a tear for the great man today because last night at the grand […]

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Thumbnail image for Paul Gascoigne: The Saddest Homeless In All The Land.

Paul Gascoigne: The Saddest Homeless In All The Land.

August 22, 2014 Celebrity

We already know that Paul Gascoigne gathers his drinking water from puddles, lays face down on pavements and smells like a bench at the bus station, but now he’s about to become a homeless. The Sun (via Mirror) say that ‘Gazza’ was taken to hospital yesterday after being found slumped outside his rented apartment in […]

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Thumbnail image for Madonna: Another Toy-Boy Bites The Dust.

Madonna: Another Toy-Boy Bites The Dust.

August 21, 2014 Celebrity

There comes a time in every toy-boy’s life when his mistress slips him his bus fare and packs him a suitcase for the road. And that time has come for Madonna’s 26 year-old dancing trotter, Timor Steffens. It’s true. An inside voice spoke to US Weekly yesterday and confirmed that Madge and Timor are done. “Madonna politely asked Timor […]

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Thumbnail image for LEGALS: Melanie Sykes Police Caution For Slapping Cockings Is Rescinded.

LEGALS: Melanie Sykes Police Caution For Slapping Cockings Is Rescinded.

August 21, 2014 Celebrity

When Melanie Sykes married Jack Cockings back in May of last year her parents pulled black veils over their faces, closed all the curtains and refused to go out, because they were too ashamed to be related to a Cockings. By November of the same year they were able to open the curtains and hold their […]

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Thumbnail image for Nicola It’s Over.

Nicola It’s Over.

August 20, 2014 Celebrity

If you’re squinting at the picture above and thinking to yourself that Nicola McLean has just middle fingered her gigalo husband Tom Williams, that’s not what she doing. No, this is an outtake from the new “Keep Calm And Carry On” poster. I made that up, of course Nicola’s middle fingering her soon to be […]

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Thumbnail image for Princess Diana’s Shrine Is Abandoned And Overgrown With Weeds.

Princess Diana’s Shrine Is Abandoned And Overgrown With Weeds.

August 19, 2014 Celebrity

Next month it will be 30 years since Princess Diana gave birth to that ray of ginger coloured sunlight we all know as Prince Harry. The thought of Harry twerking around the dance floor of his birthday party would normally make the top of my Things That Are Tragic list. But I can’t say that this month. No, […]

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Thumbnail image for LEGALS: Cliff Richard Calls In Rumpole of the Bailey.

LEGALS: Cliff Richard Calls In Rumpole of the Bailey.

August 19, 2014 Celebrity

Britain’s Grand Dame of RocknRoll isn’t about to let the police or the media turn his ‘situation’ into another OJ Simpson trail. No sir. When a miniaturised Rumpole Of The Bailey doll arrived at Sir Cliff Richard’s Portugal home yesterday it led reporters to conclude that Ian Burton of BCL Burton Copeland is now representing the singer in his fight […]

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Thumbnail image for Prime Minister Announces Crack Down On Soft Porn Music Videos.

Prime Minister Announces Crack Down On Soft Porn Music Videos.

August 18, 2014 Celebrity

Our esteemed leader, David Cameron says that he feels our pain whenever he sees recycled trash like Miley Cyrus terrorising our children with videos of hairless beavers gasping for breath whilst being strangled in undersized leotards. Yes it’s true, Mr Cameron says that the government may be deaf, but it’s not blind. They fully understand why decent minded […]

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