Victoria Beckham – Twitter tips

They say one should encourage and support those new to social media and the blogosphere. Guide, help, offer advise and tips. Right then, what do I say to Victoria Beckham who joined Twitter this week? Fuck off ? Hardly but it was the first thing that came to mind. Uncharitable Michael, unkind and Mashable would be ashamed to admit they even have you on their spam list. So I won’t.

Welcome to Twitter Victoria. To the best of my knowledge Twitter has no plans to launch a braille version so maybe writing in white ink on a black background would make reading your bio a little easier. To end every tweet with in love and light is nice, but uses up your 140 character tweet limit and you will get yourself into an awful frazzle when Twitter says ‘Too long, cannot send, start again you idiot‘.

If you want to send Ryan Seacrest a tweet, you kinda need to put @ryanseacrest first rather than just ‘Thanks Ryan’. That’s like shouting at your mobile when really you should have dialed a number first.

Another thing when you broadcast things like ‘Thanks Ryan’ people called Ryan, like my next door neighbor, run off to the pub boasting you sent them a personal tweet. I promise you, by the time he’s had 4 pints of Guiness he’ll be telling everyone you and he are lovers. Also he’s just a short taxi ride away from The News of The World and you know what they’re like.

Also, Ryan has a capital R at the beginning just like you have a capital V at the beginning of your name.  Many people prefer this you’ll soon discover. Remember that English teacher back in Harlow, “spelling Victoria spelling” ?

Lastly, there is a thing called twitpic, you can send pictures to it. We’ll all be able to see them so try not to send pictures of yourself whilst in the bathroom or performing bodily functions. It’s not nice and sooo Demi Moore.

Just saying Vici dear, welcome to Twitter.

(Hows that everyone? )

Tagged as: Twitter, victoria beckham