I’m not sure if that headline is quite what I meant so those of you that found your way here by googling Cheryl Cole nekkid nude or naked look away now. This is about Cheryl Cole, her 28th birthday and a precious little lamb dressed in sheep’s clothing.
Of course had I received the guidance of an editor, like Emily over at the Mail I could have done so much better this morning.
‘The singer looked stunning in a white Stella McCartney Autumn/Winter 2011 chiffon dress with circular embellishments, which she teamed with a pair of champagne high-heeled sandals.’
I could have used ‘circular embellishments’ to describe a dress that looks like it belonged to a paintball player, I could I would, if only I had an editor. My editor may have explained how replacing sheep’s clothing with Stella McCartney chiffon might have qualified this piece for a Pulitzer prize in creative writing.
No editor would ever allow a reference to little lamb as that would only get confused with Mariah Carey’s army of venerable, lunatic fans who think that lambs are in some exclusive club because Mariah mentions them so frequently.
Any editor would have frowned upon my alluding to Cheryl Cole naked (by saying birthday suit) and scribbled ‘So crude, Sunday Sport try this.’
‘Showing off her new honey blonde asymmetrical choppy bob properly for the first time, the Geordie looked glowing and happy as she arrived at the Sanderson Hotel in London’s Fitzrovia.’
An editor would never have allowed Cheryl’s new hairstyle to be described as another hair chameleon nor would he let me say Nicola Roberts arrived at the party dressed in a stamp collection.
I think an editor, especially one from Associated newspapers would have kicked my sorry ass out onto the street by now.