Dear Simon, Love Cheryl.

If you ever want your soul crushed in 10-seconds or less then the dream mashing monster for you has gotta be Simon Cowell. If a reality show judge can’t tell you that you suck, then who can.

When Cheryl Cole’s name was being thrown around as a judge for the American version of X-Factor Simon bestowed the third coming of foolery on Paula Abdul instead. Cheryl was heartbroken.

Meanwhile back on the UKs X Factor there was more pain for Cheryl after producers decided against a fresh date with the alien face of botox and appointed Gary Barlow, Louis Walsh, Tulisa Contface and Kelly Rowland to their judging panel. Cheryl went job-seekers.

Many viewers complained that the new panelists were just a plain unnatural mess. Most felt the judging critique was wrapped in pink fluffy cream which only served to make Simon appear every shade of better to watch. Cheryl was missed.

Well slap me in the face with a wet pork loin if revenge isn’t a sweet that’s not fattening. Eat this SiCo. Cheryl was just named as Best TV Judge at the 2011 Virgin Media TV Awards.

In her acceptance speech (delivered via Twitter) Cheryl said,

“Oh my! And all in a couple days work, LOVE this @SimonCowell.”

I guess if you’re going to make a living crushing the air out of millions of dreams then you are required to eat a slice of humble pie once in a while.

Tagged as: cheryl cole, simon Cowell