Nicole Kidman: The Paperboy.

If you’re devastated by this, then I’ll wait as you cry silently against any wall you can find that isn’t as hard as Nicole Kidman’s forehead.

Done? Lee Daniels’ film The Paperboy has made it’s debut at the Cannes Film Festival. The film stars Nicole Kidman, Zac Efron and Matthew McConaughey.

* Nicole plays Charlotte Bless, a hairstylist whose time is taken up writing to men behind bars but in truth she is a gaudy whorish piece of dirty blonde trailer-trash in false eyelashes and a slutty-girl skirt.

In the film Charlotte falls in love with a condemned killer, Hillary Van Wetter (John Cusack) who is in jail for the murder of a Florida town sheriff.

Predictably Charlotte decides to solicit the help of two newspaper men (Efron and McConaughey) and together they set about trying to get Wetter freed by proving he was convicted of a crime he didn’t commit. Guess what happens in the end?

My joy isn’t that a Hollywood legend like Nicole should play the part of a over-sexed Barbie doll it’s more a sense of relief that the actress who would have been perfect for this role, freckled face Lindsay Lohan, (*see paragraph 2) has been all used up playing Elizabeth Taylor so I’m not mad at this at all.

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