Fresh from the family files of crazy comes that “Mom’s On Cocaine” tape which Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael sold to TMZ.
The instant his daughter called her loving caring father he pressed the record button which meant that as Lindsay cried and wept down the phone about being ‘kidnapped’ and ‘beaten’ by her mum Dina (and their limo driver) Daddy was recording every word.
Lets set the scene:
After partying with some ‘class A’ in a New York night club Lindsay and Dina got into a tussle over money. Lindsay had given her mother $40,000 to help stave off some repo agents who were trying to foreclose on her Long Island home. As the limo drove them home to Dina’s place they continued to paint the sky with coke-colored rainbows. They went higher as higher could be.
Then Lindsay inadvertently burst their Columbian balloon when she asked her mother to give all the money back.
Well, faster than a cat can lick it’s own ass that balloon came tumbling back down to Earth. It landed in a festering pond of poo.
The above tape is now the official soundtrack to this dysfunction family mess. After you’ve spent an excruciating 3 minutes listening to it you’ll know what the moral of the story really is:
It is: When you’re doing cocaine and waffles in a night club with a drug hungry child, don’t take that shit home with you. Do it all in a stall in the club’s bathroom. That’s what the toilet seats are there for.
To deal with this fools-r-us tragedy I’m going to have to take something seriously mind-altering now, so if you’ll excuse me…..