I hate myself for that headline because today is the saddest of days. It’s the day when a chorus of tranny crack whores, blonde boys, strippers, hustlers and extras from the gay version of the Titanic all gather together outside the Daybreak studios in London to exhale sparkly sighs of sadness as Rylan Clark makes possibly his last appearance on TV.
Poor Rylan. Despite singing his little gay heart out last night the cruelty of the X Factor judges knew no bounds. After singing his best ever vocal in a sing-off with Union-J the judges were unforgiving and brought the guillotine crashing down on Rylan’s X Factor career.
Put a handful of glitter into your mouth and breath out a sigh of relief because some might say we’ve just avoided the second worst thing that could have happened to music. The first worst thing of course being Christopher Maloney, who’s voice makes me want to turn my ears into vaginas (aka: folded over each other). Seriously, Christopher should have a bin liner thrown over his head and be tossed in the garbage along with all the other great pretenders.
Okay, maybe I’m sounding a bit dramatic as I never thought I’d say this – I will honestly miss Rylan showing up each Saturday night looking like a disco ball was twinkling out of his every pore. Really I will.
So, goodbye Rylan may Gary Barlow throw himself on the nearest altar and beg God to forgive him for not recognizing one of his greatest creations.