Because Lindsay Lohan is the original messed up mess she’s found herself slapped in handcuffs (again) after allegedly punching 28 year-old Tiffany Eve Mitchell in the face.
According to reports the troubled started inside the crowded Avenue nightclub in NYC after Lindsay accused Tiffany, (who was sitting in a booth) of crowding her as she tried to sit down. Lindsay was heard to hiss, “Give me some space.” That didn’t happen so Lindsay stood up and punched Tiffany in the face.
The police were called but by the time they arrived Lindsay had already made her escape. They eventually found her still sitting in the getaway car so that’s where they arrested her ass. They dragged Lindsay to jail and made her pose in front of a mug shot camera before charging her with third degree misdemeanor assault. She was released a few hours later. (see above)
Seems to me that Lindsay’s whole approach here is a bit like popping a sanitary towel into a Breville Sandwich maker. All wrong. In every way. I don’t know how many times I’ve embarrassed myself talking to strangers in nightclubs but when I want to sit my ass down and there isn’t a seat well, I have no shame.
What works for me is to saunter up to an already crowded table and start chatting to everyone about bathroom grouting. Most of the time they look straight back at me with WTF looks on their dumb-faces. I talk more and more shit while staring into the airspace above their heads with my Emmett Brown Back To The Future eyes impression.
They know what I’m doing. I’m messing with them. I slowly (for effect) bring my poppy eye stare down to bear on one of the females in the party. Then I explain how using a ‘pen is’ the best way to smooth that gooey grout into all those little cracks. And that’s when some guy always jumps up and hits me in my bitch-ass mouth.
Sure, security arrives but as long as I keep my mouth shut it’s always the other guys (and gals) who get their asses dumped outside on the kerb. WTF is gonna believe them anyway, talking bathroom grouting? WTF? I get to sit my ass down at the now vacant table.
Anyway, I guess behaving like a mess while fully clothed is what Lindsay Lohan does best. The next thing she’ll do is start driving like a mess… oh she already did.
Silly of me.
Also, earlier today in Santa Monica Lindsay was charged with 3 criminal misdemeanors over telling lies to police when she crashed her Porsche into an 18-wheeler. Add that to her assault charge in NYC and that’s 4 criminal charges on the same day. A perfect storm of mess.
UPDATE: TMZ are now saying that Lindsay punched Tiffany after an augment over Max George from the “The Wanted” According to TMZ Lindsay wanted Max, Max wanted Lindsay, Lindsay got drunk so Max wanted Tiffany. Tiffany wanted Max but Max then wanted neither of them. And that’s why Lindsay punched Tiffany so nobody got what they wanted. Except Max who got what he wanted off another girl who he wan… oh I’ll stop.