X Factor: War Of The iChavs.

X Factor,Cheryl Cole,Tulisa,Simon Cowell,iChavsWill Simon Cowell ever stop patting his hairy chest while giggling over how much attention he’s getting. This morning all the tabloids are saying that Simon is so desperate to save his X Factor mess he’s now trying to toss millions of pound coins into Cheryl Cole’s paypal account in the hope that she’ll eventually agree to return to the judge’s table.

BUT OH NO. What will happen to the reigning Queen of iChavs – Missy Tulisa? Reading today’s papers must make her feel about as uncomfortable as a hobo wearing brogues with no socks.

Mind you, as I always say, if you’re in an awkward situation and don’t know what to do, just remain calm, aloof and try to maintain an air of dignity. Never behave like a perky prostitute trying to play the piano. It’s not helpful.

Watching Tulisa’s world begin to disintegrate is like watching a farmer weeping next to his hen house after Basil Brush dropped by… (insert sound of choice here)… it’s all to late.

I’ll be sorry to see Tulisa go because Tulisa is a gift. To the track-suit industry, The X Factor and to me. She is a survivor and she’s definitely a warrior. You’ll remember the battle of YouTube (which she lost) and her never-ending battle against Louise Walsh (which she wins every time). Yes, Tulisa IS a warrior, a survivor and a gift!

That being said, I’d rather get a job as part-time anal gland tickler than work for Simon’s ass.

Source: The Sun.

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