Nothing says “SLUTTERY” like tweeting a picture of yourself snuggling up in bed with an alleged willy partner on the 8 hour anniversary of actually being introduced…
I have to hand it to Lauren Goodger. She’s really keeping her composure in that tweeted picture (above) even though her nostrils have probably filled with the musty scent of a last longer delay cream that’s wafting off her latest lover, 23yo James McLean.
AND she even manages to keep her eyes closed whilst her toes are touching the slimy condom James left at the foot of the bed. Good job, Lauren!
(Note: If my fingers had eyes, they’d have dark-looked me into the next room by now for typing that last sentence.)
As your ass already knows a man’s past doesn’t bother a girl like Lauren Goodger. No, as long as her man looks like a beautiful butch lesbian and doesn’t have a ‘gina then that’s all Lauren could ever need.
According to reports Lauren’s new boyfriend is no stranger to the inside of a jail cell. The People say that St Albans Crown Court sent Jake’s act of illegal fuckery to jail three years ago after he conned his way into a woman’s home by pretending to be a estate agent. Jake was found guilty of aggravated burglary after he overpowered the woman before his masked gang ransacked and robbed her home.
However, since Lauren’s brain is made from a cocaine flavoured breast implant, she probably won’t have discovered that yet nor will she know that Jake belongs in a dark sided place in the gutter. When she does she’ll probably come up with another amazing excuse to go in her upcoming book: The Lauren Goodger Book Of Unbelievable Excuses.