My job as the principle writer of Newsmediaimages.com is to report on those celebrities who’s coke dicking activities I consider to be a character-building challenge. I’m never gonna quit ’til I’m a star on Broadway. I don’t know why I typed that but it made me giggle ….. I know, I’m a mess.
You know, hanging with a pop culture website with a trash can full of empty wine bottles is the best way I know to waste a Christmas bonus. Yes, it’s so ‘room swaying’ that the music just keeps on playing and playing, My life, it’s awful. Really, a truly awful mess.
I haven’t decided on who to write about yet, because the MSM (British Media) is once again full of pocket sized so called celebrity articles which frankly give me the temptation to openly masturbate in a dark room. I can only hope their advertising agencies don’t cause these fuckwit reporters to get too hung up on writing commercials for Airhead TV or Jamie Oliver’s recipe book. It’s all terribly sad, believe me it is.
Since it’s my job to sit here and write obnoxious commentary about anything from the great divide to the death of Cheryl Cole’s love life I thought it might be fun to pass you over to Columbia’s finest export, which I punished my ass with earlier today.
Yes, SMOKING THE BAD SHIT – will take it from here. It’s my precious and warm gift to you all.
I just read the papers. The results are pitiful. It’s true. You’ll see what I mean when you hit the MSM web sites today - they’ll be calling their shit celebrity culture. Celebrity Culture! I don’t know why they call it that, all I know is that when you call something celebrity then you better kiss culture good-bye.
Seriously, each morning when I open my RSS feeds I’m always hoping to read that some skanky bitch has packed her reputation into a suitcase (aka her hopes and dreams) and left town because she’s inadvertently fallen foul an investigative show biz reporter. Yes, that’s what we want, pretty girls all in a row.
But you know what? Show biz reporters are so Leverson scared nowadays that writing anything that blows scandal up a ladies skirt causes their caustic pens of sin to start writing articles like they were scripts for Airhead TV instead. In a post Leverson world, that’s about all we deserve and all you’re gonna get. Thanks Mr David Cameron.
Oh, who am I kidding…. everyone’s gay over there at Airhead TV too. It’s not like nobody ever calls them. With their fortunes, someone should send them a rose, a note from a friend, be nice to see you again, things to remember, things to be sad..
But the story book’s come to a close. I blame Hugh Grant for all of this, he’s the talentless twerp who first called it, Societies Slowly Sinking. What a twat. If he were ever funny he would have called it ‘Love Labours Lost.’
What it all comes down today (sadly) is that most of us are now slowly fading away. Basically, we’re all lost.
Nowadays we all have to justify our bloody deeds, make them all sound true, in the name of Leverson and in the name of a new god called Transparency. There’s no room in Transparents society for where our old world shadows once hung. Once you could read all about it, over there at The News Of the World, now there’s just a neon sign over the door saying No Room For New Frontiers at The Status Quo Hotel.
AND they can’t wait to tell y’all, what it’s like… up there in their new transparent paradise. I don’t know why. Some people never come clean, I think you know who I mean, but someone has to make it all glow true, lead their grand design. Who, other than our trusted broad sheets could light our scurrilous paths, give us something and yet nothing to believe in?
Yes, give thanks to Hugh Grant, the Guardian, Lord Leverson and all, for our pop culture society left sinking like the hazy sun in a sea of silence. Thanks for that chaps.
Whilst writing this sentimental dolly trash, I thought about my answer to the blind item run in The Daily Mirror early this month. Their blind asked us to guess at which female singer and which female model have hooked up recently. The article went on to suggest that these two ladies are making it all look terribly ‘cute’ behind the scenes… Comments were closed, for legal reasons.
Well, I thought about it – for legal reasons – and decided that if I’m only allowed one guess then it would have to be Cara Delevingne and Rita Ora.