Happy New Year EVERYONE. Here on NMi we’re going to start 2013 with a Say Something Nice post. By now you’ll all have read so many articles about the super event of the century, the upcoming arrival of Kim Kardashian’s love child, that you’ll probably want to poke cocktail sticks into your eyes and set light to them.
Oh dear, this is supposed to be a Say Something Nice posting, so that opening paragraph wasn’t good. Start again.
When the official announcement (below) came telling the world that Kim Kardashian is pregnant the Los Angeles district of Glendale (Little Armenia) immediately declared independence, followed quickly by the mailonline renaming itself Kardashian Bump Watch.com
Surely it only remains for The Met Office to forecast sunshine for all 2013 Bank holidays and the West Ealing Knitting Circle to begin work on the widest ‘onesie’ the civilised world has ever seen (Kim’s gonna need it they’ll say) and our joy will be complete.
But you know what I think? I think we should start stock-piling oxygen! Yes…. Kim’s ass is going to get so damned big it’ll start to suck the world dry of breathing material. It’s true!! As Kim’s already massive backside begins to mutate it’ll become the world’s first ‘super ass.’ And as your ass already knows, a super ass needs air!!
The human race will slowly start to suffocate as the planet’s oxygen supply starts disappearing into the place where courageous Kayne West once did the nasty. That’s right, the oxygen is going to disappear up there faster than The Daily Mail can publish a papped Kimmy K picture. …. oh this isn’t very nice.
Here’s the announcement which was released on Kim’s official website yesterday.
Kanye and I are expecting a baby. We feel so blessed and lucky and wish that in addition to both of our families, his mom and my dad could be here to celebrate this special time with us. Looking forward to great new beginnings in 2013 and to starting a family. Happy New Year!!! Xo
There. That was nice. I’ll quit while I’m ahead.