Lindsay Lohan didn’t make it into Celebrity Big Brother, despite all the rumours (not mine) to the contrary. The New York Daily News say that she only jetted into London to attend Prince Azim’s New Year’s Eve party for which the heir to the Sultan of Brunei’s throne paid her $100,000.
Other’s are saying that Lilo didn’t appear on last night’s CBB opener simply because the producers couldn’t afford her. Afford her? Bitch isn’t even worth one of my little dog Murphy’s treats. They shouldn’t want that wreck in the house anyway. She’d spread her stank everywhere!
I was pleased that Heidi Montag took her own special brand of MESS down into the Celebrity Big Brother basement instead of the ‘upper house’. Seriously, I’m all for wet vacuuming up America’s surplus silicone for the sake of deformed vanity, but that plastic lump needs to know she looks about as natural as one of those glorious mannequins you see in the window of an Ann Summers shop.
No Celebrity Big Brother would be complete without close-ups of gorgeous cleavage going commando. Last night my dreams came true when the beautifully named Lacey Banghard entered the house bringing God’s mountains with her.
Lacey is a glamour model who says she spends most of her life in just her underwear. Lacey has entered the house (she says) in order to prove that not all glamour models are dizzy dolly dimbos.
Oh purleese no, we’re all hoping that Miss Banghard is going to be a glorious glimmering mess, not a Carol Vorderman looking tranny. I’m really hoping that at some point Lacey entertains her house mates by giving them a sight of what you can see >> here. (nsfw)
As for the rest of the house mates, (who have taken time out from their busy schedules of doing nothing), there’s no-one who’s ass interests me more than Gillian Taylforth’s. I love that woman’s husky come to bed voice so much. I mean who can argue with a woman that sued the Sun for libel after they claimed she’d given her fiance oral in a car? That’s what a come to bed voice is for right?
Anyway, despite telling the court that she was simply giving him ‘abdominal relief ‘ she lost her case after the judge was shown a film showed her simulating the nasty with a wine bottle and then boasting about how good at sex she was.
I rest my case.