Make sure to avert your eyes when you get to the checkout at Boots the Chemist next month unless you’re okay with being violated by a glamour model turned actress turned entrepreneur. That means Lacey Banghard, Downton Abbey and a condom empire.
In an interview with MSN.com, which was so beautiful that I almost tattooed it to my no-no (it’s long enough), Lacey told them that she has patented her name, wants an acting (the fool) role in Downton Abbey and is on the brink of launching her own brand of condoms.
Yes, all you aspiring glamour models out there should whip out your notepads and carefully study this interview. Here’s a couple of extracts:
MSN: You said in the house that you wanted to bring out a range of Banghard condoms – is this still a plan?
Lacey: Yeah! I have trademarked my name, so I also want to go into t-shirts, boxers and really sell it as a brand. Men love the name. They have massive egos and it compliments them hugely!
MSN: You say you’d love to be in a TV drama, how about Downton Abbey?
Lacey: I’d love a part in Downton Abbey! That would be so good. That would be the best thing in the world I think. I would love it. I love dressing up, it would be really fun. I wouldn’t mind it if I was a maid or a lady. I probably can’t speak well enough though!
I took a few shots of the Pinot (for clarity) but I still have no clue what Lacey’s on about but she had better stop threatening me with a good time, because she’s about to become my all time favourite English rose (I don’t mean that, Jodie).
One day when the doors to Celebrity Dragons Den finally open (and they will, it’s only a question of time) the first mere mortal to come skipping in with two white dogs in tow and her flouncey locks flowing in the wind will be Lacey Banghard.
She’ll demonstrate the BANGHARD range of ‘accessories’ and Peter Jones will (just go with me on this) pass into a dreamy coma where he’ll imagine Lacey waltzing around his office with mascara-covered tarantulas over her face while unicorns blow pink bubbles all around them.
Understandable. I too have been there. I have spent many a drunken night recently watching CBB and imagining that I could jump through my TV screen and into the pink heaven that is Lacey’s cleavage. I’m convinced that if I miniaturized myself and slipped into Lacey’s hair, I’d find myself falling out of a virgin angel’s lady garden up there in heaven.
That’s how the story really goes. Somebody should have told MSN to reflect this.
You can read the full interview here