The reason we haven’t seen a Murphy’s Paw post in what seems like forever is because Little Spaniel Dog Murphy has been spending some quality time in the garden shed. Yes it’s true. Flatulence molecules from my doggie partner have been eating away at our marriage for some time now and causing me to reach for divorce papers. The garden shed is Murphy’s Last Chance Saloon.
Last night I allowed Murphy back in. So, to show us that he has learnt some manners I’ve asked him to wrap some appropriate words around the heart-breaking story of Emma Bunton’s missing pooche Phoebe.
Before we go any further let me set the record straight. For six years now MikeD. W has been happily blaming me every time HE breaks wind. And dumb-bitch Mistress HiDs always believes him. I’ve had to spend what seems like an eternity locked in the garden shed with a family of squeaking squirrels as a result of HIS latest outbreak of rudes.
That said. What’s this hysteria I’m hearing about Emma Bunton’s dog going missing in a North London park. Phobe right? Nah she ain’t missing. She’s horny. Anyone with more than a cornflake for a brain can see that. I mean look at her!
Stray dogs are always trying to sniff and hump on a virgin lady dog. Commonbloodysense! That’s where she’s at. Humping her bitch-ass off.
Some people say the way to solve that ‘problem’ is to get your bitch spayed. Bit of an overkill if you ask me. Another way to solve the problem is to get her to wear these incredibly sexy Chastity Panties for dogs.
That mess may sound like a waste of time, but Zhang Daxing who came up with the design has the right idea. He should design exactly the same thing but in bigger sizes for humans. Turn those G-Strings into anti-slut pants!
Gotta go now as I think we’re headed off to Hadley Wood to look for Phoebe.
Bye For Now,
Little Spaniel Dog Murphy.
I don’t know what to say, other than Little Spaniel Dog Murphy must have an asshole beating where his black heart used to be.
UPDATE: At 18:00 this afternoon Emma Bunton tweeted this sad news:
To all the amazing people who supported us at this horrible time Our precious phoebe has been found and its terrible news, we are devastated
Rest In Peace Phoebe.