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Today is not even the tip of the iceberg in terms of my meteoric expectations, because now I have my heart set on the greatest of all my career moves – a writers job over at AngryBritain.com.
I blame London. Seriously, outside of the gruesome gangland style murders and the 8 million street urchins, my side of town used to be such a happy place – in a get poked with a pitchfork by a red man with horns who hums the Village People’s Greatest hits all day – kind of a way.
Damn, even the hookers are unhappy around here. Our local council started running a ‘Happy to Be a Hooker’ campaign to help street walkers promote their trade to tourists and locals alike. Unfortunately they were forced to cancel the campaign after they realised that most of the gap-toothed hags walking the streets weren’t actually happy.
You’re right – I always get like this on slow-news days. Which brings me nicely round to The News in Two Or Three Words.
Kim Kardashian’s Baby. North West Passage.
Jeremy Clarkson and Jemima Khan: On Top Gear?
Prince Charles and Carol Vorderman: Royal Pokeadoll?