The question that needs to be asked this morning is, Why does my local paper shop smell like a lump of blue stilton marinating in a dirty nappy? It’s because Ke$ha has showed up in the Daily Star with her ass hanging out. Is why.
Your heart must go out to poor old Ed Dyson, the Daily Star reporter who had his entire Christmas ruined last night when his editor told him to tell the story of how the expired glow stick that is Ke$ha allows her soggy boobs to write all her songs.
“What I do is I turn off all the lights and I walk over to the piano naked. Then I gently lower myself and my boobs.
They go on the keys and I just let them tickle the ivories. They really just go crazy.”
In his article Ed goes on to remind our asses how Kesha brought her flea market fuckery to the world last August when she claimed she’d been born with a tail.
“I had a tail when I was born. It was a tiny tail, about a quarter of an inch, then they chopped it off and stole my tail.
“That was when I was little. I’m still really sad about that story.”
And then Ed comes to the part in his article which will stop your system ever making endorphins again. Yes, Ed reminds us of how Ke$ha guzzled down her own golden shower in an episode of her MTV reality show. If you really want to challenge your vomit reflexes then click here.
Ke$ha said of the incident:
“I know you want me to say I wish I didn’t drink my pee, but I’m happy I did.
“Everyone’s always talking about ‘How dare I, blah blah… but it’s my pee!”
I mean, WTF!!!!
I’ve had plenty of sleazy moments writing about skanky harlots with zero dignity and no shame, but those moments now seem pure and pristine compared to what poor Ed Dyson has suffered here.
If you really want to hear what a singing WTF sounds like then here’s Ke$ha performing her latest single, Timber.
(Source: Daily Star)