The BBC don’t like messy exits. Murders, poisonings, suffocations are one thing but forcing the viewing public to watch a Great British Bake Off competitor having a bearded tantrum is quite another.
On last night’s GBBO contestant, Iain Watters let out a silent scream after he discovered that a fellow contestant, 69 year-old Diana Bird had removed his Baked Alaska pudding from her freezer just minutes before judgment time.
Because the show was filmed during a heat wave the ice cream in the middle of Iain’s creation had melted into a flaccid floppy mess. What should have looked like Boris Johnson’s wig, the ovaries of an albino panda and the vagina of a blanched unicorn it looked instead like a plate of sucked donkey balls.
Mrs Bird blamed the whole sloppy mess on Iain telling him: ‘Sorry Iain, it’s still there. Anyway you’ve got your own freezer haven’t you’.
Well that didn’t exactly turn Iain’s angry ass into a funnel of rainbows because he yelled back at Mrs Bird: ‘Why would you take it out of the freezer?’
When the show’s host Sue Perkins asked Iain how he intended to serve the slop-like mixture instead of saying something subtle and poignant like, ‘Don’t tell me what to do! You’re not my boss! Stop eating my food! Get out of my kitchen! I hate you’ Iain retorted: ‘I’ve got a serving suggestion for you’ and then poured his Baked Alaska into the nearest bin.
He then stalked off in a fury.
When it came to the judging Iain thought he’d be a clever ass and present the judges with his sponge, meringue and melted ice cream while it was still slopping around at the bottom of the bin!
He explained to the panel:
“I threw it in the bin because I didn’t want to present it. I didn’t want them to judge the way it came out so I’d rather present nothing. I’m gutted. I had some issues with the ice cream and I let the frustration of that get the better of me.”
Well, Iain might as well have pulled his pants down and rubbed himself because the judges response to his desperate pantomime was to slap him around the face with a resounding NOPE. Iain was then gently shuffled off to the nearest bus stop by the show’s support staff.
Here’s a clip.