Thumbnail image for Russians Steal Britain’s Heavenly Body Secrets.

Russians Steal Britain’s Heavenly Body Secrets.

by Celebrity Shade April 15, 2014

Whenever a woman buys herself an insanely big pair of boobs, everybody mocks her. Everybody that is except her surgeon, her mum and me. Her surgeon got paid, her mum made a vow and I know that no sweeter love exists than between a man and a woman with huge pair of bazookas. So that’s why most […]

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Thumbnail image for BGT: Just How Wrong Can Katie Hopkins Get.

BGT: Just How Wrong Can Katie Hopkins Get.

by Celebrity Shade April 14, 2014

Katie Hopkins must have sent UKIP into a full-body tingle this weekend after she mentioned their name in a tweet which blasted Britain’s Got Talent for featuring too many foreigners. Under BGT rules, anyone who has the right to live and work in the UK can apply to appear on the show. Among those taking part in Saturday […]

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Thumbnail image for Quick Programming Note Brought To You By Beyonce’s Photoshopped Thighs.

Quick Programming Note Brought To You By Beyonce’s Photoshopped Thighs.

by Mike D.W April 11, 2014

Starting today and continuing for the next few weeks, I’m unplugging myself from the pile of foolery that is NMi. The truth is I’m tired so I’m handing the keyboards over to our resident guest bloggers Dolly Molly and Celebrity Shade and taking a holiday. I may drop in at weekends just to make sure they haven’t broken the furniture, […]

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Thumbnail image for Follow The Leader: Another Controversial Mess from James Arthur.

Follow The Leader: Another Controversial Mess from James Arthur.

by Mike D.W April 10, 2014

Everyone at Syco HQ will be slow clapping James Arthur today. Just as they were wondering if James really is a worthless piece of dog poo stuck to the bottom of Simon Cowell’s shoes James finds a way to prove, beyond all reasonable doubt he is exactly that. Last night James took the Rucka Rucka Ali rap that he […]

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Thumbnail image for Kerry Katona Says Giving Birth To Baby Daughter Was Traumatic.

Kerry Katona Says Giving Birth To Baby Daughter Was Traumatic.

by Mike D.W April 10, 2014

Kerry Katona has revealed that giving birth to little baby no-name last week was very traumatic. Kerry refuses to spoil OK magazine’s exclusive by giving us any details but both she and her little girl were kept in hospital for five days. So what shall we do now? I know, I’ll tell you about the massage […]

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Thumbnail image for Amanda Holden At The Launch Of Britain’s Got Camel Toe.

Amanda Holden At The Launch Of Britain’s Got Camel Toe.

by Dolly Molly April 10, 2014

Somebody should tell Amanda Holden that the jumpsuit isn’t her friend. She turned out for the launch of Britain’s Got Talent this morning in an outfit which I can only describe as looking like one of my favourite yoga movements – the upward beaver downward dog. What in the name of hairless albinos has Amanda got going […]

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Thumbnail image for Slutty Like The Kardashians?

Slutty Like The Kardashians?

by Dolly Molly April 10, 2014

Thanks to some out of date prescription meds that I found in the medicine cabinet my hangover is ebbing away. Now I can fully focus on conjuring up a damn to give about the Kardashians. If you really want to know what I think of the Kardashians, then spend a moment with that picture of Jeremy Renner above […]

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Thumbnail image for Peaches Was Hooked On What?

Peaches Was Hooked On What?

by Mike D.W April 10, 2014

Since the equation Peaches + Xanax + Bathtub = Cause of Death doesn’t work for anyone the media remain baffled as to how she died. It’s a complete mystery. Yesterday the Home Office pathologist investigating Peaches death didn’t help matters when he said that he’s had to order a toxicology report because he’s as bewildered as the […]

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Thumbnail image for James Blunt Knows How To Pull Women With Just A Postcard.

James Blunt Knows How To Pull Women With Just A Postcard.

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

Back in 2007 James Blunt said that he’d love to meet Gisele Bundchen. Unfortunately, Gisele wanted nothing to do with his ass. After that James stopped whispering “You’re beautiful” into the less conspicuous parts of women’s anatomies. Stopped that is until now. In an article in today’s Mail James tells the story of how on the day before shooting a […]

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Thumbnail image for WTF FACTOR: Why Gary Is Out Of A Job. (by Simon Cowell.)

WTF FACTOR: Why Gary Is Out Of A Job. (by Simon Cowell.)

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

When Gary Barlow picks up a copy of today’s Sun newspaper he’ll want to run for the nearest church and dip his piping hot genitals in a bowl of holy water, because he knows he can’t take any more of Simon Cowell’s heat. In a two part interview with Fleet’s Street’s finest Simon Cowell humps the floor with whatever is […]

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Thumbnail image for Hotel California – Sponsored by Patsy Palmer.

Hotel California – Sponsored by Patsy Palmer.

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

Patsy Palmer might be a painfully self-involved diva in a soap opera but she’s also a bloody genius. Not only is she good at learning her lines and then shouting them at a camera, her business acumen is pretty damn brilliant too. Yes, it’s true. Without any pre-promotion or notice Patsy Palmer has decided to […]

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Thumbnail image for TV Doctor Knows Exactly How Peaches Died.

TV Doctor Knows Exactly How Peaches Died.

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

Later today at a hospital in Kent a Home Office pathologist will carry out a postmortem on Peaches Geldof. When the pathologist has finished his work he will produce a report which will answer the question which hangs on everyone’s lips – what caused Peaches to pass through the Gates of Heaven at such a young age? That could take […]

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Thumbnail image for WANTED FOR MURDER: Hot Young Model Possibly With A Gun.

WANTED FOR MURDER: Hot Young Model Possibly With A Gun.

by Mike D.W April 8, 2014

If you’ve made an ass-load of money then listen up because there’s a life lesson in here for you. Andrew Bush made a stockpile of cash running his jewellery business in Bristol, England. So he divorced his wife, Sam and started romping with barely legal models young enough to be his daughter. It’s all in the […]

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