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Nicole Scherzinger Is The Mona Lisa!


Nicole Scherzinger,mona lisa, music video,williamNicole Scherzinger is the one celebrity I know who hasn’t been caught in a tax avoidance scam or a drug conspiracy. Not in the past year at least. That makes her my Celebrity of the Month.

Nicole Scherzinger also has a nice bikini body which makes her way better to look at than any of those pimply faced reality stars who volunteer for duty at picture desks up and down Fleet Street.

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We could talk about how Nicole is a fascinating person, or we could stare wantonly at her cleavage and think about how babies are made. Please tell me which is the more appropriate use of your time. Err no, don’t.

Anyways…… to the point.

Nicole has been posing in Will.i.am’s latest music video. I’d love to tell you that she’s been featured wearing outfits which look like they were purchased from the AwesomeDates.com catalogue, but no she hasn’t. Instead Nicole has had her face superimposed on an array of famous renaissance paintings.

The video was shot in an art gallery and if you watch carefully you’ll spot Nicole appearing on the wall as both Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa and Johannes Vermeer’s Girl With The Pearl Earring.

As the video plays Nicole can be heard humming, trilling and nodding her head. And blinking. Yes, blinking. Nicole sure worked for her supper on this one.

The rest is self explanatory.

In related news, the rest of Nicole’s former Pussycat Dolls members were trying to collect enough money to purchase a magazine.


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How Dmitry Rybolovlev Hid Picasso.


Dmitry Rybolovlev,art,tax,revelationAccording to the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists (ICIJ) Russian billionaire Dmitry Rybolovlev used a company registered in the British Virgin Islands to hide valuable works of art away from his former wife Elena. During their divorce proceedings the company apparently helped Rybolovlev to move paintings by Picasso, Van Gogh and Rothko out of Switzerland to London in order to keep them from Elena’s grasp.

In what is thought to be the biggest financial leak in history some 11million documents have been leaked to the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists. As a result Dmitry Rybolovlev joins businessmen, world leaders, celebrities and politicians who have all had their financial wickedness revealed to the world. 

The full extent of the revelation comes in an article published by the ICIJ yesterday. Before publishing their explosive article the ICIJ spent 12 months pouring over the 11 million documents which had been leaked to them from a Panama-based law firm (Mossack Fonseca) who specialise in the creation of offshore companies and wealth management services.

The ICIJ worked with German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung and 100 other news organisations around the world to analyse the data in what is said to be the biggest media collaboration ever undertaken.

The leaked documents have revealed information about more than 214,000 offshore companies which are connected to people in over 200 countries. The data which included emails, financial spreadsheets, passports and corporate records, revealed secret ownership of bank accounts and companies in 21 offshore jurisdictions, including Nevada, Hong Kong and the British Virgin Islands.Photography Prints

It’s taken me almost a day to read through the article posted at Panama papers.icil.org. It’s really bloody long and was written by people who seem to think that their identities are immune from scrutiny by airport security systems. Best of luck with your travel arrangements chaps.

Anyway, the article goes on and on and on but basically it all boils down to one thing…. ‘because I’m rich I don’t have to pay tax.’

Nobody likes to pay taxes. Even people who fight for tax increases don’t like to pay tax. Last year just three people in the entire world ticked the box [on their tax return] which indicates a willingness to pay more than the bare minimum of tax demanded. Nobody likes handing over money they’ve earned to an nondescript black tick box. It’s unnatural. That’s why they invented PAYE to take tax out of your pay cheque before you receive it.

But y’know what? We all have to pay our taxes. Eventually. After all somebody has to pay for the guns, margarine and Range Rovers the third world so desperately needs. Seriously, even beautiful models with fantastic tits who ordinarily get to avoid life’s burdens still have to pay their taxes.

Really, they do. Imagine how often Kate Moss would be sexually exploited in a prison shower if she didn’t pay her taxes.

And that brings me nicely round to the art connection.

Back in December 2008 Elena Rybolovlev filed for divorce from her husband Dmitry. At the time the Rybolovlevs were based in Switzerland which meant that under Swiss divorce laws each spouse was entitled to an equal part of the couple’s wealth.

Tracking down Dmitry Rybolovlev’s art collection was not easy. According to the documents Mossack Fonseca helped the Russian businessman transfer ownership of many of his art assets to Xitrans Finance Ltd, a company they set up for him in the British Virgin Islands.

The ICIJ article states that it was this off-shore firm who became the owners of paintings by Picasso, Modigliani, Van Gogh, Monet, Degas and Rothko. They also bought Louis XVI-style desks, tables and drawers made by some of Paris’s grandest furniture makers.

In January 2009, as the marriage broke down, Dmitry Rybolovlev used Xitrans Finance Ltd to move his art treasures out of Switzerland to Singapore, then to London and then far far away. Far away from his wife’s reach.

And there you have it. Billionaires doing what billionaires do best. Tax evasion, forced labour, extortion, more tax evasion and a shed load of super weird nastiness.

 

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Sir Elton John Sued For Sexual Battery.


Elton John,Sexual battery,lawsuit,

Sir Elton John is being sued for an unspecified amount by a former male body guard who claims the star tried to put a finger up his bottom. When that didn’t work he told him to “get his todger out” and “say hello to Uncle Elton.”

The plaintiff is a Mr Jeffrey Wenninger who worked for Sir Elton John between 2002 and 2014.

In his lawsuit Wenninger is claiming that back in 2014 while travelling in a car with Sir Elton, the titled British gentleman stuck a hand down his trousers and attempted to grab his genitals.

What Wenninger claims followed is detailed quite graphically in this cheeky snippet from the lawsuit below. Really, quite graphic.

Elton John,sex claim,Elton John, sex claim,

Oh what a sexy story this is turning out to be. Continues….

The claim, which was lodged with the Los Angeles Superior Court yesterday has been strenuously denied by Sir Elton John. In a statement his lawyer said;

 “This baseless lawsuit is brought by a disgruntled former security officer seeking to extract an undeserved payment. These claims are patently untrue and contradicted by numerous previous statements made by this plaintiff. We will not give into his latest abuse of the legal system.”

Not to oversimplify an already complex issue, might it be fair to point out that sucessfully proving these allegations in a court of law might well depend on whether the plaintiff has a witness to the alleged events. Or not.Photography Prints

I’m guessing of course but presumably the car referred to was a chauffeur driven car, right? Therefore I feel pretty confident in assuming that there may indeed be a witness to the alledged ‘penilis promiscuous’ activity that went down in the back of that car. Allegedly. 

Now if that is the case and a witness is brought into court then the Under Oath thing applies to anything that witness may say. Really, there’s no part of Under Oath which allows a witness to fudge his testimony just because his employer might have a difficult time buying overalls and signing up for an extended tour on a fishing trawler.

Oh, what do I know? Perhaps Sir Elton should consider changing his name to something inherently less well known. After all, having your famous genitals mentioned on here is no way to go through life.

 

 

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Victoria Beckham – Fashion Flops.


Victoria Beckham,Fashion,accounts,

As George Osbourne continues to improve lives one rich person at a time the Daily Mail have at last reported something about Victoria Beckham which might have a fighting chance of being both poignant and interesting.

No, it’s not Victoria Beckham’s favourite toothpaste, umbrella, or ketchup. No, instead the Daily Mail have reported that despite the finest clothes, the finest shops and V.I.P. treatment to die for her fashion empire is failing faster that a dog can lick it’s own unmentionables.

Really, it’s true. When the 2014 accounts for Victoria Beckham Limited were lodged at Companies House recently they showed that the company had technically made a small profit. You’d think that would make Victoria Beckham grin from ear to ear. But no, unfortunately the truth is that her fashion business would have lost nearly £4 million had it not been for the money flowing into it’s coffers from her generous husband, David Beckham.

Naturally all this accounting jiggery pokery has caused the hallowed tabloid to wonder:

“Can Victoria really claim to be a successful entrepreneur in her own right, or is her fashion venture merely a vanity project for a wealthy woman blessed with an indulgent spouse?”

(via: Daily Mail)

HAHAHA whatever Daily Mail.

People are always mocking Victoria’s apparent self-misery because she’s rich and successful but this might explain why she has been looking like a released hostage lately. Yes, the perfect life ruined by the stroke of an accountants pen.

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Anonymous To Trump Trump!


In a series of inflammatory statements that only a pit bull with a biting problem could make American presidential candidate, Donald Trump has alienated the entire world. He has now lost the sanity vote, the Mexican vote, the self respecting vote, the moderate vote, the sensible vote and now the Anonymous vote. 

Anyone who’s studied Donald Trump knows that he feeds off controversy, aggression and hatred. Really, he does. Disagree with his nasty ass and he’ll come at you like an insanity goblin willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. Simply wishing Trump a good morning will cause his pancreas to shut down.

However, there’s some good news today. Donald Trump has made a new enemy and believe it or not this one doesn’t have any physical characteristics this looney tune can mock. Not unless he takes aim at a Guy Fawkes mask that is.

Yes folks, thankfully it’s true. In their latest video (released this week) the hacker group Anonymous has declared a “total war” on Donald Trump, stating that his “hateful campaign” has legitimized “appalling actions and words.”

Anonymous have already released Trump’s social security number and they now plan to shut down the geyser of chumpery that shoots out of jibber-jabbering mouth. Invoking the hashtag #OpTrump, Anonymous has called for all the citizens of the world to take action.

“We need you to shut down his campaign and sabotage his brand.”

One has to ask if Anonymous are playing with fire here. Seriously,  if elected, Trump may very well take the ‘War on Terror’ to its next logical phase – an outright war on Internet activism.

On the other hand if he does get elected then Anonymous could, in three quick clicks spill ‘President’ Trump’s porn history to the entire world. And that would prove grounds for impeachment.

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Kim Kardashian – Naked Backlash.


Kim Kardashian,naked,selfie,

There’s two ways to look at Kim Kardashian. One is drunk and laughing at her squat naked body. The second is to admire her brassy money making schemes that put so many dollars into her bank account that you have to call her the ‘cash-a-holic’ of the 21st century.

However, magic like this doesn’t happen in a vacuum. No, Kim Kardashian has a team of assistants who provide her with hair and wardrobe support together with the occasional Sal-Acid plaster for her unmentionables. Which brings me to nicely round to Kim’s social media, which she appears to manage all on her own.

Earlier this week in another bid to break the internet Kim posted a naked selfie to her Instagram. The world recoiled in horror. Such was the condemnation that Kim took to her all new pay-per-view website and penned a furious post defending the naked abomination.

In the post, Kim rallied against her critics insisting that they just won’t leave THAT sex tape alone. She wrote;

“I don’t do drugs, I hardly drink, I’ve never committed a crime – and yet I’m a bad role model for being proud of my body?

It always seems to come back around to my sex tape. Yes, a sex tape that was made 13 years ago. 13 YEARS AGO. Literally that long ago. And people still want to talk about it?!?!

I lived through the embarrassment and fear, and decided to say who cares, do better, move on.

I shouldn’t have to constantly be on the defense, listing off my accomplishments just to prove that I am more than something that happened 13 years ago. Let’s move on, already. I have.”

Unfortunately for Kim, Piers Morgan, Bette Midler and Chloe Moritz expected more from her. Why is unclear. Here’s what they had to say on Twitter. 

Kim Kardashian,naked,selfie,tweets,

For some people walking away into the sunset was not an option. Dropping their reproductive parts into the gutter seemed a more realistic choice. However, in the game of ridiculous the rules are pretty flimsy and yet chaos serves nobody. Except the cash-a-holic.

Seriously, there’s no better way to drive visitors to a pay-per-view website than a naked selfie. Instagram you reign supreme. I’ll start the Change.org petition now…

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