Today the world’s most widely read mess has published a front page story about how the speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow decided to welcome his estranged wife, Sally Bercow back into his life after she had been caught having an affair with one of his cousins.
Who else could bring us such politico embarrassment, such incestuous intrigue and such ‘Oh no, my secret shame’ like the revered Sebastian Shakespeare of the Daily Mail. Who else indeed.
Here’s the background. Last May while John Bercow was away campaigning in Buckinghamshire ahead of the General Election his wife, Sally was caught in an incestuous affair with his cousin, Alan Bercow. After a few weeks their affair petered out but not before the merry men of Fleet Street had some fun humiliating the ass off poor old John Bercow.
There were sniggers and giggles all around the House of Commons, with everyone (on the opposition benches) silently ‘twerking’ behind his back. Poor old John Bercow, talk about public humiliation. All this served to make John pretty damn angry, after all his wife was a public figure and as such her behaviour was supposed to above repute.
Now. Fast forward to November and for reasons best known to herself Sally Bercow has decided to reignite her husband’s anger by talking to the Daily Mail.
In a front page story published today Sally has told the tabloid all about her marital problems and whilst she admits to being ‘very naughty’ she says there’s been no need for any interference from well meaning marriage guidance counsellors.
Well lets face it who needs a marriage guidance counsellor when you can talk to Sebastian Shakespeare at the Daily Mail.
Here’s a snippet from Sally’s interview.
“We didn’t do couples counselling because that wasn’t right for us. It works for some people, but we’ve been able to sort things out ourselves and we’re on the right track.
I do feel awful for what I did, and I was very bad, but none of us is perfect. I was very naughty, but he has forgiven me and we’re working hard on our marriage.
John and I are doing OK now.”
Why the Mail didn’t polygraph her remains a mystery because that’s not really how life works. If Sally Bercow was my wife and had romped with my cousin then I would just stop speaking to her. I would let her know she was dead to me and then throw her out of the house without so much as a Barclaycard to her name.
And that would be the end of the story.
But the Bercow’s story hasn’t ended like that. If Sally is to be believed then their story has ended with the words ‘and they both lived happily ever after’.
Personally I’m still hoping that the story continues with Sally Bercow getting caught banging her gym instructor if for no other reason than the laughs we would all have watching the Speaker of the House going apeshit all over again.