Welcome to another fun filled day where nothing is going on except for Simon Cowell, who is all over the papers this morning and Cheryl Cole who is looking shockingly thin and gaunt.
Yes, welcome to another slow-ass news day.
But hey ho lets make the most of what we’ve got. We’ll start proceedings with the thimble thinderella that is Cheryl Cole.
I think it’s true to say that every few months some chunky chickora will write an article about a famous person who is way too skinny.
Well here’s the good news: Cheryl Cole is not that person because she has never really managed to divert people’s attention away from their overly large Body Mass Index. Not yet. To me at least Cheryl has always looks like a well adjusted lady on a strict diet of grapefruit juice and amyl nitrate poppers.
Today the Daily Mail have behaved themselves way better than me. In a report published today they tell only of how Cheryl turned up to the Music Industry Trust Awards last night looking the epitome of glowing style and glittering beauty. Not a word has the tabloid said about Cheryl’s weight or the fact that whenever she turns sideways she disappears.
That was nice of them wasn’t it.
Y’know, having now read all the papers I really can’t wait for the Mail to publish the next happy story to their online edition of daily laughs. With any luck they’ll tell us about how George Cloonie’s chandelier fell on a box of kittens, because that would be the most interesting thing that’s happened all year.
Anyway, lets move on to Simon Cowell and a prestigious industry award he received at last night’s Music Industry Trust Awards.
Just so as you know, the Music Industry Trust Awards (MITS) are held every year at London’s Grosvenor House. This year Simon Cowell was honoured with the 24th MITS Award in recognition of his contribution to music, entertainment and charitable causes.
Talking about why the music mogul had been honoured David Munns, chairman of the MITS award committee, had this to say.
“We are delighted to honour Simon Cowell with the Music Industry Trusts Award for 2015. We are proud to recognise his outstanding contributions to the UK music and entertainment industries and his personal support of many charitable causes.
The creativity and excitement of The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent, for example, have left an indelible impression on our contemporary culture.
His record label Syco has proven itself a world leader in the development and success of inspiring, talented artists.
Simon Cowell is a well deserving honouree.”
Then the lemon party, One Direction called Simon to the stage to receive his award. Here’s a snippet from his acceptance speech:
“Just by luck I get the award I’ve been wanting all my life and I’m completely hammered. Guys, who misses Zayn? We all get old but I’ve still got charisma.”
Simon also muttered something about the inventors of Botox before dedicating his award to his late mother and father.
If Simon’s life were a game of Monopoly then he’d now own Park Lane, Mayfair, Pall Mall and all the utilities. So I guess Simon Cowell has won this game. Seriously, he’s managed to turn a bunch of boy band hair action into a globally annoying sound of music.
Obviously that deserves a big WELL DONE from the music industry. After all it’s not everyone that can keep one eye trained on a crappuccino of boy pudding while the other eye is wandering to a crowdation of hot looking women.
Yes Simon, if you’re going to be proud of anything then be proud of that. Damn it man, go out and celebrate. Get laid. Screw another thousand women. I would….. if I could.