News – On A Slow News Day.

News, David CameronIf you’re going to write a story on a slow-ass news day then you need to start somewhere. It’s no good waiting to discuss for your inadequacies as a writer at your next therapy session. No sir. You need to work at it. Seek and thy shall find and all that. Focus on the job in hand, concentrate, think outside the box.

Yeah slow-ass news days…. y’know what? If all else fails make something up.

Begins.

I was about to say that the news today was slower than Joey Essex’s thinking process, but then I came across this highly important piece of news from the European Union. I’m sure the BBC will break into their regular broadcasts to discuss this story in more detail. Really, we can shut down social media because the news won’t get anymore newsworthy today than this.

Earlier today David Cameron was wandering through the corridors of the European Parliament and ended up offending every Euro MP he passed. Why? He was wearing a hat daubed in UKIP propaganda. The good people of Brussels aren’t wild about UKIP.

This apparently is news to David Cameron. When Cameron first wore the hat during yesterday’s Euro summit, UKIP – also known as ‘Le Petit Farrage’ –joked that they wanted their hat back because it kinda looked like their logo. The hat was “designed” by the former member for Thanet South. And by “designed” I mean, he took a poop in it, emptied the poop, and then put it on Cameron’s head.

Cameron is now considered an irrelevant nobody by the entire European Union.

In other news:

The man who used to brush the Duchess of Cambridge’s hair was sent to the Tower of London last night. He will be kept in a large glass jar in the deepest of all the dungeons.

Next week the un-named man faces a court martial – for treason!

His crime? Posting a picture of a royal to his Facebook without permission.

Exhibit A:

Kate Middleton

I mean really, only a peasant would do such a thing.

Y’know it’s amazing how many of us make up stories on a slow news day. But hey, get yourself out there Mike D.W. Nobody dies rich anymore.

Ends.

(And here’s the joke of the day –> Source)

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