Ashley Cole

Thumbnail image for FIGHTS: Los Angeles. Ashley Cole v Anton Ferdinand.

FIGHTS: Los Angeles. Ashley Cole v Anton Ferdinand.

by Mike D.W June 18, 2013

I know today is like a disappointing grand finale of a 2-star porn competition (or something), but the real entertainment was going down in Los Angles last night. The Sun are reporting on this one exclusively so allow me to translate the story into the melodramatic gutter trash style you’ve become accustomed to seeing here on NMi. […]

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Thumbnail image for Chelsea Batty Boy!

Chelsea Batty Boy!

by Mike D.W January 15, 2012

If you walk that way (above) and you’re famous for getting lawyers to call people up and have a whine and a moan every time your river of dumb gets beaten up online then this is for you. Seriously, all those times when I said I was blogging sober, well I lied. It was never […]

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Thumbnail image for Ashley Cole shares his sluttery with Jemma Henley.

Ashley Cole shares his sluttery with Jemma Henley.

by Mike D.W October 18, 2011

According to some  I have no modesty, no shame, nor the touch of bashfulness that could set me apart from any other degenerate in society so I guess I’ll either hang, beg, starve or die in the streets. Which brings me round nicely to Ashley Cole. I do admire a man who can withhold affection from […]

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Thumbnail image for Ashley is off Cheryl’s ‘buckit list’

Ashley is off Cheryl’s ‘buckit list’

by Mike D.W July 18, 2011

According to Clemmie Moody over at 3AM Ashley’s off Cheryl’s ‘buckit list’. Clemmie is running with how Cheryl Cole had a blazing row with Ashley after she’d read how he romped with air hostess, Kerry Meades just a few hours before asking her to re-marry his craziness. (Bs and Fs they’re all the same to me sweetpea) […]

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Thumbnail image for How to make amends and influence Cheryl.

How to make amends and influence Cheryl.

by Mike D.W July 17, 2011

For those of you that give a shit about Ashley Cole, let me be the first to tell you that throwing a pea at his brain from 3 inches away would probably miss. Talking of 3 inches lets roll back the blanket of scandal on Ashley Cole and Kerry Meades who have been caught cheating […]

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Thumbnail image for A Love Story.

A Love Story.

by Mike D.W July 4, 2011

I don’t want to be left out of sugar town’s only true love story today so if you don’t mind here are my carefully chosen words on how Cheryl and Ashley Cole have regained their Romeo and Juliet status and become the nations hot celebrity couple once more amor amor. True love, how to ruin […]

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Thumbnail image for How News of the World arranged a date for Cheryl and Ashley.

How News of the World arranged a date for Cheryl and Ashley.

by Mike D.W January 30, 2011

Today the ‘screws’ have splashed with Cheryl’s date with Ash. Some say the News of the World is worth a pound. Some say News corp would give it away. But for now at least make up’s the only way of paying their phone bill. The online teaser to this story makes you wanna go ‘that’s […]

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Thumbnail image for Cheryl: Tears over Ashley at Christmas

Cheryl: Tears over Ashley at Christmas

by Mike D.W December 24, 2010

This morning Cheryl Cole rushed downstairs to check the post. She was looking for a Christmas card from me @News Media Images. It wasn’t there so Cheryl burst into tears and ran back upstairs again. Is about as true as what I read in the Sun this morning. ‘SINGER Cheryl Cole fought back tears after […]

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Thumbnail image for Ashley pulls Kayla with Intimately Yours.

Ashley pulls Kayla with Intimately Yours.

by Mike D.W December 16, 2010

Ashley Cole has got himself into Kayla Collins’s Christmas stocking. When Ashley got an invite to Kayla’s party at Funky Buddha he put on his best thong, sprayed his love bits in Intimately Yours, curled his eyelashes and set out to pull a fast one. When David Beckham handed Ashley that freebie bottle of Intimately […]

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Thumbnail image for John Terry & Ashley Cole can go,  “Shuuut Up”

John Terry & Ashley Cole can go, “Shuuut Up”

by Mike D.W November 12, 2010

According to sources, The Only Way is Essex has a fan base at Chelsea football club. By all accounts they’re devastated the show has reeled to an end and are hoping there’ll be a new series real soon. So into the show are they at Stamford Bridge the players are mimicking the show’s catchphrase, ” […]

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Thumbnail image for Ashley Cole cracks one out for Jessica Lowndes

Ashley Cole cracks one out for Jessica Lowndes

by Mike D.W October 29, 2010

ASHLEY COLE CHASES CHERYL LOOKALIKE… Is the headline of mockery today. I watched Cheryl Cole being interviewed by that fat faced guy who used to edit the Mirror last week and truly the first thing I said to my dog was, “Murphy, she looks just like Jessica Lowndes.” Murphy agreed. One of the tabloids is […]

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Thumbnail image for Ashley and Cheryl – Divorced

Ashley and Cheryl – Divorced

by Mike D.W September 3, 2010

If Ashley Cole thought he could hide his text sex pestery by sliding his phone up his bottom he was sadly mistaken. When pictures of an undressed Ashley were texted to a glamor model he denied the phone was even his. But unfortunately for Ashley nobody believed him when the phone was traced and found […]

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Thumbnail image for Cheryl Cole and Ashley enter celebrity fight club

Cheryl Cole and Ashley enter celebrity fight club

by Mike D.W June 21, 2010

Celebrity House swap was never like this. Cheryl and Ashley Cole’s well ordered divorce is heading into the wall as the pair cannot agree who should get custody of their house. This is what their lawyer is having to deal with. Tweet

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