cheryl cole

The Ugly News: Cheryl Cole.

by Mike D.W February 22, 2013

Chanel 4 should get Alan Carr to introduce these pictures in this weekend’s Chatty Man, because Cheryl Cole’s face (left) (obviously) looks like the horror scene from House of Wax. The positive news is that Cheryl showed up to the Ten Tour in Newcastle last night, memorized her mimes (I think) and didn’t freebase on the hand soap [...]

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Cheryl Cole: Nasty Business.

by Mike D.W February 22, 2013

If you went to the opening of the Girls Aloud Ten Tour in Newcastle this evening then you’ll probably have noticed that Animal Planet aren’t the only ones to have a pussy spazzing out during their show. We’ve already seen Madonna popping out her crotch on stage but tonight the censors are struggling for an explanation [...]

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Cheryl’s Ghetto Baby.

by Mike D.W December 27, 2012

Auto-tune truly is the work of the devil. Magical mermaid Cheryl Cole is trying hard to break into ‘Yo Yo Yo’ music so putting out a single that sounds like two robots making love is Satan’s way of making a tuneless trick believe that she can sing. Since Ghetto Baby has covered Cheryl’s natural singing voice with so much auto-tune [...]

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Cheryl Cole Has Sent Us A Beautiful Christmas Card.

by Mike D.W December 21, 2012

I never know when is a good time to start playing those annoying ear-torturing Christmas tunes and that’s not right. My neighbours have all thrown up their Christmas trees but there’s nothing quite like a ho ho ho to say “Tis the season!” Yes, we definitely know it’s Christmas time now because Cheryl Cole has sent us [...]

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Cheryl Cole: Bodyguard Suing Over Unpaid Wages.

by Dolly Molly December 16, 2012

Cheryl Cole’s former bodyguard last night says she owes him over £70,000 for protecting her whilst she was working on the US X Factor. Professional bodyguard Craig Balkam was hired to protect Cheryl during the three-months she spent in America working on the US X Factor. Now Craig is saying: “I haven’t been paid a cent. [...]

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Cheryl Cole To X Factor No More.

by Mike D.W December 11, 2012

It’s a miracle! A little over a week ago Cheryl Cole dropped a £1.4m lawsuit on Simon Cowell’s foot for unpaid expenses etc which she claims are due to her after he dumped her from the US X Factor, AND NOW she’s telling us that she’ll NEVER return to the UK X Factor. Well, who saw [...]

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Legals: Cole v Cowell.

by Mike D.W December 9, 2012

According to the Sun on Sunday Cheryl Cole is continuing to milk her disastrous affair with Simon Cowell’s American X Factor for every penny she can get. You’ll remember how Simon sent his producer (Richard Holloway) to sack Cheryl after she had filmed just two live auditions in Los Angeles and Chicago. Well, Cheryl has slipped [...]

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X Factor: War Of The iChavs.

by Mike D.W November 30, 2012

Will Simon Cowell ever stop patting his hairy chest while giggling over how much attention he’s getting. This morning all the tabloids are saying that Simon is so desperate to save his X Factor mess he’s now trying to toss millions of pound coins into Cheryl Cole’s paypal account in the hope that she’ll eventually agree to [...]

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Talking Of No Shame, Here’s Cheryl Cole’s Latest L’Oreal Picture.

by Mike D.W October 22, 2012

Has Cheryl Cole got no shame or doesn’t she know what NO means? After hearing her miming disaster last week everyone now knows that Cheryl can press the hell out of an iPod play button, but her singing voice makes you wish she was the one that came with the mute button. So what in the name [...]

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Cheryl Cole: The Truth Behind Her Voice – Exhibit A

by Mike D.W October 20, 2012

Cheryl Cole is the only person allowed to butcher her own songs. I didn’t know it was humanly possible for a ho to make “Call My Name” sound any worse than it already does but when Cheryl took to the stage during the Stand Up To Cancer charity telethon last night she slowly murdered it. Cheryl Cole! [...]

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Cheryl Looks Like She’s About To Eat Someone.

by Mike D.W October 4, 2012

Today’s dartboard comes to you courtesy of Cheryl Cole who opened her Millions Lights tour in Belfast last night. Make sure you aim for her mouth, because that bitch needs to stop using it to mime. In this picture (above) Cheryl looks like she’s about to eat someone. Had Clarice Starling been there I think she’d [...]

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Will.i.am Can’t **** And Drive.

by Mike D.W August 30, 2012

Whenever you see Will.i.am driving down the street, immediately get out of his way, pull over and take shelter in a safe place. Yesterday morning at 3 am in Los Angeles, Will was involved in a car accident while driving Cheryl Cole around in a supermarket car park. Because he wasn’t looking where he was [...]

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Sweaty Cheryl Looks Pretty OK To Me.

by Dolly Molly August 22, 2012

I’m back from my holidays! I went to Ibiza and oh wow what a great time I had. My Mum has never been to Ibiza, probably because her idea of a holiday is sitting me the sofa while she lectures me on everything from my diet to my exercise regime. On my return last night I [...]

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