simon Cowell

Thumbnail image for Follow The Leader: Another Controversial Mess from James Arthur.

Follow The Leader: Another Controversial Mess from James Arthur.

by Mike D.W April 10, 2014

Everyone at Syco HQ will be slow clapping James Arthur today. Just as they were wondering if James really is a worthless piece of dog poo stuck to the bottom of Simon Cowell’s shoes James finds a way to prove, beyond all reasonable doubt he is exactly that. Last night James took the Rucka Rucka Ali rap that he […]

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Thumbnail image for WTF FACTOR: Why Gary Is Out Of A Job. (by Simon Cowell.)

WTF FACTOR: Why Gary Is Out Of A Job. (by Simon Cowell.)

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

When Gary Barlow picks up a copy of today’s Sun newspaper he’ll want to run for the nearest church and dip his piping hot genitals in a bowl of holy water, because he knows he can’t take any more of Simon Cowell’s heat. In a two part interview with Fleet’s Street’s finest Simon Cowell humps the floor with whatever is […]

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Thumbnail image for James Arthur: Simon Says You’re Fired.

James Arthur: Simon Says You’re Fired.

by Mike D.W April 6, 2014

If you have an addiction to the amber liquid or green weedy herbs then you get thrown into rehab and handcuffed to a sturdy bed. If some dark-sided devil is possessing your soul then you’re brought a Catholic priest who will cast an exorcism over your body. But if you’re addicted to stupidity then you need to take […]

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Thumbnail image for Say Something Nice: Julie Cowell.

Say Something Nice: Julie Cowell.

by Mike D.W March 21, 2014

A picture like this calls for the return of Say Something Nice. So, lets stop throwing bananas at Simon Cowell because he looks like an escapee from an ape house while we think of something nice to say about his mum, Julie. This is crazy, because I have no clue what DNA they could possibly share. I didn’t know […]

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Thumbnail image for Oh Simon….

Oh Simon….

by Mike D.W March 18, 2014

My hangover is feeling a bit hungover today because The Sun have reported how Simon Cowell has just twinned his deep fried meatball face with a beautiful E-type Jaguar. I know, it’s probably hard to read that last paragraph without a thick layer of jealousy sliding over your eyeballs but you should at least try, then you’ll know […]

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Thumbnail image for Simon Cowell: Fags, Booze And Creativity.

Simon Cowell: Fags, Booze And Creativity.

by Mike D.W March 4, 2014

Simon Cowell has been talking to the Radio Times about fags, booze and creativity. He’s told them he gets his best ideas in the early hours of the morning. “I always think there is a time in your day when you can be creative. For me, one or two in the morning, couple of vodka and limes, […]

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Thumbnail image for Welcome To Our World – Eric Cowell.

Welcome To Our World – Eric Cowell.

by Mike D.W February 15, 2014

You’d think that being a bazillionaire whose glorious life was woven together using the golden hair of angels would be enough. But no, last night the universe decided to give Simon Cowell the most precious gift of all. Fatherhood. It’s true. In London yesterday afternoon Simon received a panicked call from his partner Lauren Silverman. The […]

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Thumbnail image for Simple Simon Says I’m Coming Home.

Simple Simon Says I’m Coming Home.

by Mike D.W November 22, 2013

Over there in America the future is not looking glamorously glorious for Simon Cowell and his X Factor show. After some baseball series booted his ass off the air for three weeks the New York Post suggested that Simon was called into the studio where they shoot the show and told to sterilise the stench left behind […]

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Thumbnail image for The Cowell Cometh.

The Cowell Cometh.

by Mike D.W September 14, 2013

Today is the day I say goodbye to the dining room table which has been the home of NMi ever since it opened in 2009 and began calling everyone in show business a “cheap ass fag”. It’s sad but true, my beloved HiDs (other half) says the time has come for me to paint out the […]

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Thumbnail image for Syco Simon’s Son.

Syco Simon’s Son.

by Mike D.W September 3, 2013

Simon Cowell spent the weekend in London gushing about his unborn child. In an interview in The Times on Monday he told them how exciting it was to see the ultrasound photos of the cost factor. “I went to see a scan today and it is just surreal. You literally see this thing which is now […]

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Thumbnail image for Simon Cowell: Star Says He’ll Marry Lauren Silverman.

Simon Cowell: Star Says He’ll Marry Lauren Silverman.

by Mike D.W August 31, 2013

A few weeks ago, sources were saying that Simon Cowell had pulled his pork-stuffed cheeks away from Lauren Silverman’s face for the last time and that he had dumped her married ass. But then a quick minute later, ALL THE SOURCES were telling each other that Simon was trying to make it work with Lauren and he was determined to make […]

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Thumbnail image for Sinitta: “It Should Have Been Me”

Sinitta: “It Should Have Been Me”

by Mike D.W August 1, 2013

I’ve spent most of the day worrying about Sinitta and how her ass might be feeling right now. I mean, there she was waiting patiently for Simon Cowell to rub rug burns into her furry thing and along comes the most gloriously gorgeous gold digger in the universe and steals his sumptuous nipple-topped pies away from her. I […]

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Thumbnail image for Simon Cowell Is Everyone’s Favourite Father Today.

Simon Cowell Is Everyone’s Favourite Father Today.

by Mike D.W July 31, 2013

Everyone knows that you’re not American royalty until you’ve made a hush-hush baby with a common peasant. And that’s exactly what New York IT girl Lauren Silverman has done. According to the Sun (via US Weekly) Simon Cowell has left a mini fetus inside her womb. Simon’s hairy ass has probably fallen off at this news but Lauren doesn’t seem care […]

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