simon Cowell

Dear Simon, Love Cheryl.

21.01.2012

If you ever want your soul crushed in 10-seconds or less then the dream mashing monster for you has gotta be Simon Cowell. If a reality show judge can’t tell you that you suck, then who can. When Cheryl Cole’s name was being thrown around as a judge for the American version of X-Factor Simon bestowed the [...]

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Simon Cowell’s Banana Is Every kind Of Lewd.

13.01.2012

Simon Cowell knows he was born to be the body of Taco Bell so the first step here is to totally blame him for sending gays into a frenzy by ripping his shirt off. Ordinarily you wouldn’t expect Simon to be covered under the indecency act but that pseudo bondage thing he’s doing with an orange just took fruit of [...]

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Simon Cowell – Scratching his Bottom.

27.12.2011

It’s been a while since we’ve had a serving of Simon Cowell’s chest hairs to send tingles up and down the spine. You know, when I used to take my children to the zoo, watching those red-ass baboons always made my eyes water with embarrassment. The way they’d just sit there, laughing at us, eating their bananas and scratching their [...]

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X Factor: Cowell cometh.

09.11.2011

Since The X-Factor has become about as bland as a mass panty creaming over at Heat Magazine and drying paint wishes it could be half as boring as Frankie Cocozza going shopping (Daily Mail) I thought you might like to hear why Simon Cowell has decided to return to the UK show. Yes, Simon is hoping his [...]

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How Cowell cured Kelly.

02.11.2011

What’s this? The tenacious endurance of love or the resilience of the human spirit. It’s one of the two because Kelly ‘extremely rare illness’ Rowland is now back in London. As you know for the last week Kelly has been hiding her better side behind an extremely rare illness. So determined was Kelly to prove [...]

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X Factor: Simon Cowell gives Kelly 48 hours.

30.10.2011

Remember yesterday when I said that Kelly Rowland was a frantic fool, hiding her better side behind a sick note? Well it’s a good thing I logged that comment because Simon Cowell has just given her 48 hours to haul ass and return to the X Factor. Yes, Simon’s ambition – which has swelled up so much [...]

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X Factor: Simon Cowell would like to say…..

17.10.2011

One day Simon Cowell is gonna toss his furry chest pie into a recycling bin, jump a plane, come round yours and kick your fat asses so hard they’ll see the next election results. Yes, last night over two million of you switched over and watched those busty babes on the X Channel rather than [...]