simon Cowell

Thumbnail image for Say Something Nice: Simon Cowell And Lauren Silverman.

Say Something Nice: Simon Cowell And Lauren Silverman.

August 28, 2014 Celebrity

Media mogulling Simon Cowell and the woman he knocked up, Lauren Silverman, hit the red carpet at the X-Factor press launch last night. They sure look happy together. In fact, I can’t tell who looks the happier – the man who ran off with his best friend’s wife or his best friends ex-wife who found a ridiculously […]

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Thumbnail image for WHERE’S MY MUM?!!!

WHERE’S MY MUM?!!!

August 13, 2014 Celebrity

This picture of baby Eric having a special moment with his father’s panting chest fluff was probably inspired by a Sultry Mermaid cocktail made with crab juice and Tabasco sauce. Simon Cowell posted it to his Twatter this evening with the caption “Taking After Daddy.” As a father myself I sometimes wonder if my black heart would have […]

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Thumbnail image for Simon Cowell: Too Gay Or Not Too Gay?

Simon Cowell: Too Gay Or Not Too Gay?

July 18, 2014 Celebrity

He may dress like a gay on a budget but that doesn’t mean the ladies should stop throwing their underwear at Simon Cowell. No sireee. During ‘that drugs trial’ over at Southwark Crown Court yesterday the jury were played a secret recording in which Gareth Varey was heard to tell undercover reporter, Mazher Mahmood that Simon Cowell is gay. The recording: […]

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Thumbnail image for Cowell’s Colonic.

Cowell’s Colonic.

July 10, 2014 Celebrity

And already this post is looking like a damn mess. It was originally inspired by the Sun’s article about Simon Cowell’s super hot colon. Seriously, those poor creatures over in Wapping when will someone give them a ball to run in? Or something. Staff at the The Reflexology Shop in London told Britain’s tabloid of […]

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Thumbnail image for Celebrity Cars: Simon Cowell’s Eagle.

Celebrity Cars: Simon Cowell’s Eagle.

June 17, 2014 Motoring

Imagine. You’re Simon Cowell and you own a gorgeous Eagle Speedster which the papers said you spent £650,000 on.  I know, it’s only an E-type replica, but it was hand built by the Sussex-based specialist Eagle. Now imagine you’re behind Simon’s Eagle in your foppish electric hybrid. Suddenly Simon brakes to avoid hitting a young mother pushing her baby across the road. […]

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Thumbnail image for Follow The Leader: Another Controversial Mess from James Arthur.

Follow The Leader: Another Controversial Mess from James Arthur.

April 10, 2014 Celebrity

Everyone at Syco HQ will be slow clapping James Arthur today. Just as they were wondering if James really is a worthless piece of dog poo stuck to the bottom of Simon Cowell’s shoes James finds a way to prove, beyond all reasonable doubt he is exactly that. Last night James took the Rucka Rucka Ali rap that he […]

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Thumbnail image for WTF FACTOR: Why Gary Is Out Of A Job. (by Simon Cowell.)

WTF FACTOR: Why Gary Is Out Of A Job. (by Simon Cowell.)

April 9, 2014 Celebrity

When Gary Barlow picks up a copy of today’s Sun newspaper he’ll want to run for the nearest church and dip his piping hot genitals in a bowl of holy water, because he knows he can’t take any more of Simon Cowell’s heat. In a two part interview with Fleet’s Street’s finest Simon Cowell humps the floor with whatever is […]

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Thumbnail image for James Arthur: Simon Says You’re Fired.

James Arthur: Simon Says You’re Fired.

April 6, 2014 Celebrity

If you have an addiction to the amber liquid or green weedy herbs then you get thrown into rehab and handcuffed to a sturdy bed. If some dark-sided devil is possessing your soul then you’re brought a Catholic priest who will cast an exorcism over your body. But if you’re addicted to stupidity then you need to take […]

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Thumbnail image for Say Something Nice: Julie Cowell.

Say Something Nice: Julie Cowell.

March 21, 2014 Celebrity

A picture like this calls for the return of Say Something Nice. So, lets stop throwing bananas at Simon Cowell because he looks like an escapee from an ape house while we think of something nice to say about his mum, Julie. This is crazy, because I have no clue what DNA they could possibly share. I didn’t know […]

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Oh Simon….

March 18, 2014 Motoring

My hangover is feeling a bit hungover today because The Sun have reported how Simon Cowell has just twinned his deep fried meatball face with a beautiful E-type Jaguar. I know, it’s probably hard to read that last paragraph without a thick layer of jealousy sliding over your eyeballs but you should at least try, then you’ll know […]

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Thumbnail image for Simon Cowell: Fags, Booze And Creativity.

Simon Cowell: Fags, Booze And Creativity.

March 4, 2014 Celebrity

Simon Cowell has been talking to the Radio Times about fags, booze and creativity. He’s told them he gets his best ideas in the early hours of the morning. “I always think there is a time in your day when you can be creative. For me, one or two in the morning, couple of vodka and limes, […]

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Thumbnail image for Welcome To Our World – Eric Cowell.

Welcome To Our World – Eric Cowell.

February 15, 2014 Celebrity

You’d think that being a bazillionaire whose glorious life was woven together using the golden hair of angels would be enough. But no, last night the universe decided to give Simon Cowell the most precious gift of all. Fatherhood. It’s true. In London yesterday afternoon Simon received a panicked call from his partner Lauren Silverman. The […]

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Thumbnail image for Simple Simon Says I’m Coming Home.

Simple Simon Says I’m Coming Home.

November 22, 2013 Celebrity

Over there in America the future is not looking glamorously glorious for Simon Cowell and his X Factor show. After some baseball series booted his ass off the air for three weeks the New York Post suggested that Simon was called into the studio where they shoot the show and told to sterilise the stench left behind […]

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