TOWIE

Frankie Essex: This Wrote Itself.

by Mike D.W April 10, 2013

Frankie Essex has always seemed like a hot chick who has a thing about looking like the slutty girlfriend in your dreams. I surmise that some women get off knowing that. Frankie can go out dressed like a drag act from Pretty Woman and know that every man still wants a piece of her. There’s [...]

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TOWIE LIVE: The Muppets Are Back!

by Mike D.W December 4, 2012

I may never forgive myself for allowing Catch Up TV to suck up an hour of my life with the chaos that was a live episode of TOWIE last night. The country has now sunk so far into the abyss, that by tomorrow morning tabloid headlines will be screaming “KATIE PRICE BUYS ESSEX” while the last [...]

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Fake Of The Day.

by Mike D.W October 28, 2012

In case you haven’t looked out of your window yet, the streets of Essex are filled with health professionals in white coats chasing down any Towie fans who are calling James ‘Diags’ Bennewith a fake tramp skank lover. Oh ‘Diags’, you nasty wet humping man-slut. You just couldn’t resist the allure of a dizzy skankadellic who [...]

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Lauren Goodger: The Road To Nowhere.

by Mike D.W August 22, 2012

That humming sound you heard this morning was the Twittersphere breathing a sigh of relief after it learned that Towie’s Lauren Goodger is taking time out from her busy schedule of doing nothing for Towie on ITV2 to join Dancing on Ice on BBC1. And that’s the good news. The bad news is that come [...]

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TOWIE: Up Your Game Or Get The Boot.

by Mike D.W August 14, 2012

ITV2 put out a statement last night (via a Sun insider) about how they’re really concerned that TOWIE’s pristine image of refinement and class has been dirtied up by the sight of tan-bed roasted tortoises like Lauren Goodger, Gemma Collins and Joey Essex. According to the insider The Only Way Is Essex will be running next year [...]

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TOWIE: Joey Essex, Offered Without Comment.

by Mike D.W August 2, 2012

That headline isn’t exactly right because here’s my first comment. I’m pretty sure both Joey Essex and that member of the Towie production crew he’s got his arms round were inhaling god’s gift to the world behind a bush just before this picture was taken. Here’s my next comment. I’m pretty sure if you took [...]

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Towie’s Lydia Bright Goes Without No Make Up For 7 Days.

by Dolly Molly July 17, 2012

It’s all very well for Towie’s Lydia Bright, but if like the rest of us one isn’t blessed with naturally radiant skin then venturing out in public with a face caked in make-up is a pure survival instinct. However, to show us all what perfection is like The Only Way Is Essex star shed all of her make-up [...]

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Chloe Sims: Twitter Troll Threatened To Rape My Daughter.

by Mike D.W July 15, 2012

I don’t know if @scottyadams1991′s ass lips start to boil whenever he thinks about Chloe Sims but let’s all laugh at him as we stroke the happy scars we got from elbowing the last Twit-Twat in the mouth who got in our face with a shovelful of angry midget tweets. After reading the tweet below Chloe got onto [...]

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Joey Essex Was Robbed.

by Mike D.W June 27, 2012

Joey Essex may be a glistening swizzle stick of crazy from the suburbs but when he got robbed in London town yesterday he probably didn’t put up too much of a fight because reality stars aren’t about to tussle for free. The thieving went down in Hammersmith when two muggers posing as Towie fans stopped Joey in [...]

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Lauren And The Cyber-Bullies.

by Mike D.W June 18, 2012

Whether you’re a 5-year-old, a 10-year-old, a 30-year-old or a leather duffel bag filled with crazy, being bullied is never okay. Lauren Goodger, who collects a cheque for bullying our eye balls (by forcing them to stare at Towie) is on a bully-busting campaign with the Sun Newspaper. Yes The Sun have given Lauren her own ‘bully-pulpit’ [...]

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Oh Lauren! Cut from Towie.

by Mike D.W April 25, 2012

As the “Most Controversial Reality Star” on TV today Lauren Goodger has a reputation as a diva-plated jack-ass to uphold. Lauren says she’s being abused after ITV producers accused her of being late. Lauren is furious because ITV have been delaying showing her scenes and has told them that she is the only star of their crappy reality [...]

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Wots This Gemma Collins?

by Mike D.W April 19, 2012

Before we get into Gemma Collins and her sex life I have an announcement to make. Since my beloved (Hids) now believes that our relationship depends on it, I’m learning to cook. Today I’m trying to make potato and leak soup for our dinner. There may be a noticeably dip in the site’s performance while [...]

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Mario Falcone: The William Roache Of Our Time.

by Mike D.W April 17, 2012

I’d like to thank Now Magazine today for sharing such an interesting and meaningful article - Towie’s Mario Falcone Slept with 500 Women. For what purpose was this story created? A project for hooker school? I’d also like to send a ‘well done’ over to Mario – take a bow freak. In an interview with Now magazine, [...]

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