WAYNE ROONEY must believe that if OJ Simpson got away with murder, then he could get away with drunk driving. Unfortunately on September 1st he found out otherwise.
While his wife, Coleen, was on holiday in Spain Wayne Rooney had a night out. He went to the Bubble Room and the Symposium, a late-night cocktail bar in Wilmslow. After dancing on tables and singing along to Oasis songs Wayne left with 29-year-old office worker, Laura Simpson.
Once outside they jumped into her black Volkswagen Beetle and headed for her place. Wayne decided to drive.
Well, it’s easier to hide a porn riddled browser history than a drunken footballer. A few minutes later Wayne was pulled over by Cheshire Police.
The officers told Wayne to get out of the car and guess what happened next? Yes, that’s right…. the officer smelt post-bender seepage all over Wayne’s breath.
Naturally enough the officer then breathalysed Wayne and to his surprise (not), discovered his alcohol level was 104 micrograms for every 100 millilitres of breath. That’s almost three times the legal limit. The drink-drive limit in England and Wales is 35 micrograms per 100 millilitres of breath.
Wayne was then arrested and spent the rest of the night in a concrete cell shivering like a chihuahua.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and the former England captain appeared at Stockport Magistrates’ Court to answer for his crime.
After pleading guilty as charged Wayne Rooney was banned from driving for two years while being ordered to pay £170 in court costs. He was also given a 12-month community order and instructed to perform 100 hours of unpaid work.
What kind of a judge gives a man earning £150k per week 100 hours of community service and fines his stupid ass just £170? What the hell is wrong with that judge?
How can that be fair? The judge could have fined him 200k and he’d still be living a life of opulence and luxury.
Why not order Rooney to dance around in his underwear at a Everton game. Or put him in a metal can with a bunch of lit fireworks.
Alternatively the judge could have hung him. I mean how much does a good rope cost nowadays, eight pounds?
Wayne is rapidly becoming one of the most popular public nuisances in history. If only Oasis had a song for that…