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Westminster Knows WhatsApp


Westminster,MPs,scandal,news,media,images,whatsAppHere’s WhatsApp in Westminster today. Whenever an MP invites a secretary into his office to discuss ‘typing errors’ he probably intends to harrass the pants off her.

Not sometimes – but every time. Here’s whats going down on WhatsApp today.

On WhatsApp’s encrypted platform some of Westminster’s female staff have created a secret group. In the group furious researchers, secretaries and personal aides have named a number of sex-pests.

All of them MPs.

While many of those accused are regarded as “the usual old suspects” others are much younger MPs.

Included on WhatsApp’s list of deviants are some of the nation’s most well known politicos. Among them are ex-Cabinet Ministers, sen­ior frontbenchers (from both Tor­y and Labour) and members of the House of Lords.

Resignations To Follow

A ‘source’ has suggested that the first MP will be outed this weekend and we should “expect a number of resignations to follow”.

On hearing of the WhatsApp list Baroness Jenkin, a close friend of Theresa May, said:

“Men used to hit on you all the time. They would say, ‘I had a dream about you last night’. These things affect people differently.”

And former Cabinet minister Maria Miller claimed:

“I experienced far more sexual harassment as an MP than in my 20-year ca­reer in advertising and marketing.”

There are two industries that hate to see their dirty laundry aired in public. Show business and politics.

Now, following revelations about film mogul Harvey Weinstein, the political sexual harassment canoe begins it’s journey up shit creek.

I’m not sure if this list of deviant MPs will be included in the next revision of the Encyclopedia of Rape Culture. Including it there seems like a gimme.

Following hideous Harvey’s fall from grace it’s been suggested that many men of power are flawed with selfish double standards. These type of men often blame their imperfections on inner demons.

Demons are a sympathetic way to characterise a man’s faults. Only gamblers, drug addicts and married men caught with their pants down have demons.

They’d have you believe that, short of a criminal conviction for wanton ejaculatory behaviour, everyone else is a mere sinner.

God forgives sinners. These men will ask you to forgive them too.

If, after hearing their pathetic excuses, you believe that God has forgiven these men, trust me – he hasn’t.

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